To leave 12 month old for 3 nights to go to wedding abroad

[Jupitertomars]

Feeling conflicted. Shes very attached to me, was breastfed until 9 months (currently 10 months). Wont be sat down unless im literally beside her and wants held constantly so when cooking/hoovering ect shes on my hip.

I do 99% of the caring for her. Feeding, bedtime, nightfeeds, bath time. Im a SAHM and OH works very long hours. Im happy with this.

But im now unsure if im being unreasonable to leave her when she's so dependent on me and attached. She wont be held by anyone else if im in the room and has been this way since 3 months old. Shes extremely aware and has been since she was so young. Since 3 months old shes had stranger/separation anxiety despite people saying she was too young, im 100% certain she has.

She does sleep alone in her cot at night so isn't cosleeping however is rocked to sleep with a song playing so who ever is babysitting could play the song and rock her and therefore shouldn't be too much of an issue. I just worry if day to day she'll be upset or confused without me.

She has stayed overnight with my sister a few weeks ago and was fine which I was surprised at.

Oh and I have been invited to a wedding abroad in two months and if im going I need to book now. Im really unsure. I would love nothing more than some free time with OH but in my heart I dont know if it'll be a waste as I wont enjoy it without her. Or she'll be distraught wondering where ive disappeared to.

She will stay with my mum for 1/2 nights and my sister 1/2 nights if I go (I have still to confirm who will have her and my 5yo on what nights).

Shes never stayed with my mum and sees her once every couple of weeks as my mum is so busy working fulltime and caring for her elderly parents. So I worry about that.

She will stay out once between now and the wedding maybe twice if my mum can arrange care for her parents so she can have her but we dont have much opportunities to have her babysat.

Just really unsure. My OH would go without me if I cant go but obviously it would be nice if I could. Just very unsure and wondered what others thought or have done?

This is a decision only you can make. From what you've said, I wouldn't be worried about your DD. This is more about YOUR separation anxiety than hers. She has stayed with your sister before and she'll be with her sibling. Perhaps your mum could look after her at your sisters house for more continuity?

"Take her with you."

Because a 1 year old would much rather go to a wedding abroad than stay home playing with granny.......

I cant believe so many posters think that a mother cant leave a 1 year old for a couple of days.

Its quite repulsive

Go enjoy she will be fine and it will help you with your separation anxiety.

Also just so we are clear you are not a bloody "mum first" you are a person first

Also just so we are clear you are not a bloody "mum first" you are a person first

This a thousand times over.

From the title i was going to say dont go but from reading all the information it sounds like it would be good for her to get the chance to see that other adults are trustworthy and able to care for her. You know she will be doted on. Her bedtime routine sounds great and she doesnt need you in the night so I think it will be good for confidence for her and you. Enjoy!

Book it! Your baby will be absolutely fine, you have time for practice sleepovers first & it'll be nice for you to shrug Mum-Mode off for a couple of days.

Book it & enjoy yourself!
Baby will be absolutely fine, (and will probably have more fun than you! )

So after having a good think about I dont think I can leave her unfortunately. I would absolutely love to and love some time with my OH but the circumstances are just not ideal.

My sister would have to take a holiday from work which I feel a bit unfair about. She also is a single parent to my two year old nephew who can be challenging and has been known to hit/bite the baby and so I just dont feel comfortable with it.

There is the option of my mum who did agree to babysit but in reality seems to have no priority in visiting and getting to know DD or helping to look after her and therefore ensuring DD will be comfortable being left alone with her.

She was visiting the other day and I had gotTen DD ready for bed and asked her if she wanted to give her her bottle (something shes never done) & she replied "no im worried I fall asleep whilst holding her".

So we are looking into making it a family holiday with Dd and DS although OH seems a bit disappointed and thinks im being too precious and overprotective!

Thanks for the opinions everyone.

Those saying they wouldnt go, i think they are not ready, not the babies. The babies would be absolutely fine if proper arrangements are made.
And that's fine, it's different timing for everyone, but making such judgements like "i wouldnt prioritise wedding over a baby" is plain mean.

My husband and I went for a close friend's wedding overnight when my son was 4months old. He was already in a routine, and was perfectly happy in care of grandma. I could express milk and make all other arrangements. It was great to have a bit of grown up quality time with my husband and friends.
I went again on a girls weekend for 2 nights when my son was almost 7months. Again, all arrangements made and my husband enjoyed father-son time looking after him over the weekend. It is also his son equally as he is mine.

I think you've made the right decision. Although everyone would have been fine, you can't ever really know if it stresses a baby and at 12 months they are too little to understand what has happened. By 18 months/2 it will be easier I think. And she will probably have a stronger relationship with family. Why don't you still take a night or even lunchtime out with your partner. Get a babysitter and go for a lovely date anyway. (Just not overnight!)

In those circumstances I wouldn't leave her either, it would have to be with someone as happy look after her as myself or DH and it doesn't sound like your mum is.