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AIBU?

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Original poster

Watches porn because their bodies are better

53 replies

yellowox · 22/07/2017 03:59

I split up with my OH back in November we recently got back together and went on holiday he told me that I'm too fat (I have gained 3 stone) I have just been diagnosed with Narcolepsy and it isn't easy. OH told me he almost slept with another woman at work because she had a better body and was really into him, he also admitted he watches porn because they have better bodies now after dd aged 4 was born I was going to the gym looked great but oh said I could do better I gave up trying because It didn't matter what I did I wasn't blessed with a great body even when slim I have cellulite and big thighs. Guys have approached me and still find me attractive I want to lose weight but feel so ugly after oh said this to me I feel like he is looking at everyones bodies comparing them to mine. I didn't know he was so shallow. Aibu to feel gross? He has ruined our holiday

OP posts:
PaintingByNumbers · 22/07/2017 04:08

Is your life better now you are back with him? Do you feel happier? I doubt it - he sounds horrible. Guys approach you and still find you attractive, so whats his weird problem? Let him go off and wank to porn in his bedsit.

Bloomed · 22/07/2017 04:10

Wow and doesn't he appreciate you had his child? Does he like and respect you?

Queenofthestress · 22/07/2017 04:12

What the fuck...dump him! You don't need that kind of negativity in your life, you're constantly going to compare yourself to everyone else now and you don't need that, this would honestly fuck me right off because hes not supportive just puts you down

steff13 · 22/07/2017 04:16

I tell this Adonis to hit the bricks.

MumBod · 22/07/2017 04:32

You're being abused and it's adversely affecting your self esteem.

Kick this absolute arsehole to the kerb. He's vile.

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. She doesn't deserve to be around a foul misogynistic pig.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/07/2017 05:13

His attitude is disgusting. It isn't just about what you look like but who you are. It sounds as though he will never be satisfied with you or any other woman long term. There are men, who trade their women in for younger models for their own self esteem reasons, I imagine. He sounds like one such man. This is all about him, not you. It osunds if he believes he will in some way look better and be judged as being better if he has that oh so perfect woman on his arm. In fact the opposite is true of anyone, who has knowledge of his history.

The best thing you can do for your self esteem is to understand and appreciate that he will never be happy with you or anyone else for life. When you do this, perhaps you will be ready to ditch him and move on. I believe people split up all too often before they have really tried to resolve their differences. In your case, it is extremely unlikely there is anything you can do apart from leave him. You do have a daughter shared together. It is sad he has such little respect for you or her and indeed 50% of the population on the planet.

Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 05:18

Are you happy with this man? I doubt it. I would dump him and go off and be happy elsewhere. He sounds like a prize shit.

I hate porn and have no respect for men who watch it (or anyone else who does). I think he is getting his rocks off taunting you with the bodies of those women who appear in porn, with the body of the woman who might be really into him and his efforts to push you have simply stopped you going to the gym and made you feel worthless.

Agree with Mummyoflittledragon.

Please do not stay with a man who makes you feel worthless, it is not worth it.

gingertigercat · 22/07/2017 05:21

Ltb

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 22/07/2017 06:25

What an awful man. You deserve better. Leave him, the relationship won't get any better.

notaflyingmonkey · 22/07/2017 06:36

What if you were to tell him you almost slept with another man because he was really into you and treated you well?

He is controlling you and setting you an impossible standard to achieve and maintain. It is a very different thing if he was supporting you to achieve a goal for yourself.

TheStoic · 22/07/2017 06:37

Yes YABU to feel gross.

You shouldn't even be feeling angry. He is a waste of time and space. Do yourself a favour and dump him as fast as possible.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 22/07/2017 06:46

Um, if you stay with him you're an idiot and you're going to ruin your daughter's life. Do you want her to end up with an abusive cunt? Stop the cycle.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but you've left him once. Don't go back again. You have responsibilities now that go beyond the gym.

Smeaton · 22/07/2017 06:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pipstarz41 · 22/07/2017 07:00

He sounds mean and abusive and not worth your time...if your partner doesn't make you feel good about yourself or your relationship I would say there isn't much point continuing the relationship

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 22/07/2017 07:04

You poor thing. Please find the strength to leave him. He is toxic, abusive and life destroying. You shouldn't put up with this.

TheRandomBlues · 22/07/2017 07:04

You should not let him destroy your self esteem.

Your daughter also needs a positive role model so that she grows up with a healthy body image! (This doesn't mean you have to be super fit, it means you have to love yourself)

It sound like you need to do 2 things - firstly get rid of the emotionally abusive oh. Then go to your GP and ask to see a counsellor about your self esteem and confidence.

Not all men are like this.
I was 12 stone when I met DH, I hit a patch of depression and put on 8 stone. My DH still wanted to marry me and told me he fancied me, he has never and would never put me down about my size.

DontTakeItForGranite · 22/07/2017 07:15

My first ever LTB. Think about how you'll feel in a year's time hearing those comments constantly. What about ten years time? What attitude to her body will your daughter have, growing up hearing those sorts of comments?

You deserve so much better OP.

SoIWasThinking · 22/07/2017 07:22

If someone said this to me, I'd end it on the spot. Why didn't you?

Herbie58 · 22/07/2017 07:35

Ruined the holiday? Ruined the relationship more like!

It's not normal, in any circumstances for your partner to treat you like this, talk to you like this or have so little disregard for your feelings.

He sounds like a complete tosser. I'd be questioning if he really makes you happy? Don't stay with someone like this for all the wrong reasons - everyone deserves to be loved for who they are x

Miserylovescompany2 · 22/07/2017 07:43

What a superficial cunt he is. Forget losing three stone, my advice would be to lose a lot more excess weight - to be exact, his entire body weight.

You are worth so much more than this man-child picking you to pieces. If someone was constantly comparing my body to that of porn stars etc I'd go out buy them a blow-up doll and wish them a happy future together. TBH I'd feel sorry for the doll!

Get rid!

rightwhine · 22/07/2017 07:52

If he really loved you, he'd love you for who you are and wouldn't be constantly putting you down.
Relationships should be supportive and he should be boosting your confidence. Gently encouraging you to lose weight is one thingand even this is debatable but putting down your efforts and saying they are not good enough is crap.

My self esteem doesn't rely on how I look. Neither should yours. Anyway you know that other men find you attractive. Don't let him bully you into losing even more confidence.

Tell him he is right, that you really do need to lose an enormous amount of weight and that you will dedicate yourself to doing just that. Then send him packing.

Toadinthehole · 22/07/2017 08:04

He sounds like a right shit.

You should leave him to his porn and find someone who treats you like you deserve.

TFPsa · 22/07/2017 08:17

I'm not going to lie to you and say that putting on three stone is no big deal because it is, but, absent extreme provocation of some kind (I can't think what this would be, though someone with narcolepsy can be very difficult) the things you report him having said to you are outrageous, sounds like he doesn't like you at all, best for both if you cut off all ties.

PoorYorick · 22/07/2017 08:18

You do need to lose weight, OP, immediately and urgently. Dump that 13 stone or however much of pure deadbeat shitness and see how amazing you feel.

pictish · 22/07/2017 08:20

Oh ffs - the idiot fundamentally believes that you, and indeed all women, should strive to be ornamental for him and all the other men. It's all about your body and being sexually arousing to the tastes he has cultivated watching porn and telly, like the dipshit he is.

Not all men are this stupid. Find one of those.