To be afraid of flying?

[WhatLizzyDid]

First world problem I know! I'm very lucky to be going on my holidays in a few days (Algarve) with DH and DC and I can feel myself becoming more and more anxious the closer it gets. I daren't google 'how safe is flying' or 'how safe is Jet2' in case I find something bad. I am really worried I will have a panic attack on the plane and frighten my DC. I can't bear the flimsiness of the aeroplane. The way the wings shake, the boucyness of flying feels so pricsrious.
I have flown before but the anxiety seems to get worse as I get older. Any tips?

Can I politely point out that what we're all calling turbulence is really not so?

Minor bumps (waves) in the sky (sea) are a perfectly normal, expected part of flying.

Turbulence is technically the kind of conditions where everyone is ordered (not nicely asked to return) back to their seats and the crew are also belted up. Proper turbulence is also quite rare - we have just adopted the name as an easy shorthand. (It's like people who say they have flu, when they have a cold. If you have had actual proper flu, you know the difference...)

Even if those minor bumps feel massive to you, they really aren't, in the great scheme of things. Probably a matter of a few feet at most, which, when you consider the size of the sky....

Have a quick read of this about turbulence, from askthepilot.com

Link

Excerpt:
You’re liable to imagine the pilots in a sweaty lather: the captain barking orders, hands tight on the wheel as the ship lists from one side to another. Nothing could be further from the truth. The crew is not wrestling with the beast so much as merely riding things out. Indeed, one of the worst things a pilot could do during strong turbulence is try to fight it. Some autopilots have a special mode for these situations. Rather than increasing the number of corrective inputs, it does the opposite, desensitizing the system.

Up front, you can imagine a conversation going like this:

Pilot 1: “Well, why don’t we slow it down?” [dials a reduced Mach value into the speed control selector]

Pilot 2: “Ah, man, this is spilling my orange juice all down inside this cup holder.”

Pilot 1: “Let’s see if we can get any new reports from those guys up ahead.” [reaches for the microphone and double-checks the frequency]

Pilot 2: “Do you have any napkins over there?”

carrying the regulatory amount of fuel for the journey from A to B, in addition to a potential re-route to C in case B is closed. But if C is also closed

But again thinking rationally, how often does that happen that two airports are closed? Very rarely, I'd imagine. Also if there is any risk of airports closing the flight doesn't take off in the first place.

DH isn't a pilot but does work in air traffic. He flies a lot on business and doesn't batt an eyelid. I'm getting better, but still don't like bumpy bits like going up through the clouds or clear air turbulence.

I take my cues from the staff - they never look flustered or worried when I'm shitting myself over a bit of bumpiness. I don't really understand how aeroplanes work but that doesn't bother me, and I'm not claustrophobic but I just don't like turbulence.... Recently flew translatlantic on a Dreamliner and it seemed a lot less bumpy, and quieter too.

Diazepam works. Some people don't get on with the floaty and disconnected feeling it gives you - I haven't had it for flying but did when I trapped a nerve in my neck and I felt totally off my face. Also in my experience cabin crew are very kind and will look out for you if you tell them you're a bit nervous.

I know, I'm sorry for being negative. I know it's all improbable - but it's still possible, isn't it?

I'm actually fine with turbulence, being in a small space, flying over the ocean, etc. It's more the reality of human mistakes that gets me. Plus I'm a software engineer and I worry about some of the people I've known who work in safety critical systems.

This thread is so wonderful, thank you @Backinthebox, @mogulfield and everyone else who has posted helpful advice and explanations. I'm a nervous flyer (weirdly, I'm totally fine coming into land, I just can't cope with take off and don't much like being in the air!) and have coped on previous flights with copious amounts of booze and diazepam! But am flying next month while pregnant so I need some new strategies - and this thread has really helped. Thank you!

Bogged: the answer may be clsustrophobia. I can only sit in the aisle and know several others the same. Shame about the view though. Must get a private plane!

I know it is for me. I'm not actually claustrophobic in daily life but I can't stand being surrounded by people on a plane. I've sorted that by booking exit row seats so I have no one in front of me. No idea what I'll do if I can't get one though!

Thank you so much to everyone who posted. Your advice really helped me on my flights! I made it!
I really didn't like the bumpiness coming home but thinking of all that was discussed on here greatly helped.
As a previous poster said - mumsnet at its very best

Well done, WhatLizzyDid! See? No big deal. Hope you get plenty more sun than we have here atm!

Binary the subject of fuel planning and carriage is worthy of a CAA exam in itself. There is just no way we would take off without enough fuel to get to where we are going to, and a decent plan B. Plan C, D and E are put in place too, but we DO carry enough fuel. Take it from someone who does the fuel calcs and has to check weather and airport serviceability before setting off. FWIW in nearly 2 decades of flying I have never had to divert. If A closes, your B choice will be solid. C rarely even features. The only occasions in my memory that I can think of where A, B and C would be closed were 9/11 and the volcanic ash cloud. Please don't underestimate the amount of planning that goes into every single flight.

Wrt turbulence, MaidofStars has it about right. It's a proper pain in the arse when your drink slops around. Even worse when you get in the flight deck and the pilot before didn't clean up their coffee slops, the dirty sod

Well done on surviving your flight op

We flew to Milan and back recently, my first ever flight. I cant say I enjoyed much of it and the sense of claustrophobia sort of crept up and threatened to overwhelm. I coped though, thankfully a short flight and I would definitely give it another go.

Flying over the Alps was incredible though and something completely unforgettable. Not sure I could ever manage long haul though.

Well done OP.

My recent flights were around 13 hours each way. It wasn't always easy staying calm the whole time and I don't really sleep on planes, so it was also pretty boring. But it was worth it for the destination. Plus a short haul flight will be nothing in comparison - both times, it got to 4 hours left and I felt we were nearly there!

I know this thread is a bit old, but just posting to say it’s helped me a little, I have a flight tomorrow morning and back home Sunday, it’s only a 90 minute flight, but I’m dreading it, completely irrational. I fly for work every three or four weeks and hate it so much....great to hear you all got on so well.

Didn’t help me quite enough...I backed out of my flight at the airport this morning...

This thread is very good and it is lovely to see so many supportive threads and tips/ideas etc. DH has a bad flying phobia but over the yeara has flown quite a bit with the help of beta blockers , noise cancelling headphones etc and at one point hypnosis. We are in a phase of more fear at the moment for him ( this has varied over the years) probably because we have flown less in the last few years.

I have always loved flying (less so now but more for the hassle/ boredom/ dehydration than any fear.

I worry far far more about the drive to and from the airport than the flight and often get a little irritable with DH when we land on the way home and he seems so demob happy. I instead start slightly worrying about the drive home, as I do with any long drive. Not a fear exactly, just an awareness that in our generally very safe lives , the drive home is pretty dangerous, relative to the rest of our journey anyway.

I don't worrying lots about driving at all but it is definitely more than any worry about flying