To be afraid of flying?

[WhatLizzyDid]

First world problem I know! I'm very lucky to be going on my holidays in a few days (Algarve) with DH and DC and I can feel myself becoming more and more anxious the closer it gets. I daren't google 'how safe is flying' or 'how safe is Jet2' in case I find something bad. I am really worried I will have a panic attack on the plane and frighten my DC. I can't bear the flimsiness of the aeroplane. The way the wings shake, the boucyness of flying feels so pricsrious.
I have flown before but the anxiety seems to get worse as I get older. Any tips?

Thank you for this thread, and especially the air crew who have responded it has really helped me. Op I also now try to turn my anxiousness into excitment and it has helped. I am also reading the Allen Carr fear of flying book and it is helping.

This thread is fab. I hate hate hate flying. Can feel the panic rising as soon as I can smell the fuel on the drive to the airport. My mother was a very bad flyer and I think this transferred to me by osmosis as a child. I haven't been on a plane with my children yet and that's one of the reasons why; the other is that it feels so counter intuative to put my children in what feels to me like a dangerous situation ( not logical I know).

Backinyhebox you asked up thread what the OP was actually afraid of. For me it's the idea of plunging down and having time to know it's happening and waiting for an impact.

I have flown many times but usually embarrass myself by crying as soon as I board. I have to sit on the aisle and obsess with watching the crew for signs of panic. Turbulence can bring on a full blown panic attack

Be careful with the diazapam. My sister took one 15 mins before boarding and they wouldn't allow her to fly as they thought she was drunk. She told them what she had taken and because she didn't have the prescription with her, she couldn't fly (returning back to UK)

It's so funny how we are all different Mysterious.

I have no fear of flying but being claustrophobic I hate the bit where everyone stands up at the end so as you smile I begin to tense. I request aisle seats near the back or front where I can see my way out but obviously can't always secure them.

I get nervous about flying, but reading a suspenseful book is a good distraction. I can recommend it for mild anxiety.

YANBU - you are being irrational, but NU

@dontslouchdarling

My first flight was a biggie when I was about 5. I sat next to one parent (happy flyer); my sibling with the other (nervous flyer).

As adults, I now love love love flying, while sibling is a nervous mess...

If anything nervous flyers owe it to their kids to pass on the positive experience rather than a crippling fear (I realise how glib that sounds and I know it's not that easy)

I used to be scared of flying but when I took a job that meant I had to fly within about 5 flights I was totally cured. I now fly approximately 100,000 miles a year between UK and New Zealand through turbulence and even go arounds and I haven't twitched a hair. Why? Because in that time it has become clear to me that It is THE safest mode of transport with THE most highly trained staff and THE safest equipment there is. I have a pilot friend that flies long haul and I asked him if he has ever been scared. His response? 'Absolutely not, I wouldn't do it otherwise'
In contrast 3500 people die on the roads globally each day. Yet I bet you don't blink an eye getting in car, potentially poorly maintained, with a driver who has had minimal training surrounded by a loads of others in the same position.
Honestly. It is safe. Totally. Turbulence is just like waves on the sea. When you next get on a train pretend you are on a plane. The train moves around on straight tracks far more than a plane in turbulence. Ether way the plane can withstand significantly more force that even the worst turbulence can throw at it.
Have a great time.

Thank you backinthebox. I am going to copy and paste your post to read to myself flying next week!

Just wanted to update that I did the 2 long haul flights with no problems.

I did take diazepam both times for takeoff as it takes a while and I was worrying. But I was fine after that (wore off after 5ish hours) when there was turbulence - kept telling myself that the cabin crew would be looking worried if it was anything out of the ordinary. And it really helped thinking of the plane as a boat riding the waves in the sky

FANTASTIC!!! Well done! We did an 8 hour flight last week too and I thought about the boat on the waves as well. I told anyone who would listen too . It genuinely helped.

I used to be scared and it really helped to learn more (post A-level physics) about how planes fly. I've come across the idea that they are 'happier' flying than not and like it a lot! I read a little exercise to demonstrate: next time you are in a car going fast, put your hand out of the window with the palm facing directly downwards. You should feel a bit of buffering with up or down movements. Now tilt the front of your hand slightly upwards, and you'll find your hand being pushed up. You have to apply active force to move your hand down. That's like a plane!

I also run through stats in my head:

1. There hasn't been a commercial plane crash that killed everyone for ages. But let's say there WILL be one today.
2. Of all the countries in the world, why would it be a flight in or out of the UK (or whatever country)?
3. If it was in/out of the UK, why, of all the airports in this country, would it be one from this airport?
4. If it was a plane from this airport, why would it be this flight, of all the flights this airport has daily?
5. And that's only if there IS a crash today.

It really focuses my head on how minuscule the chances are of being in a crash. Flightradar helps with this too.

The thing that really made me realise how awesome planes are is learning to look out of the window instead of misreading cues from my inner ear. When you are on a freaking massive A380 doing a hard right bank on your side, you see how capable these machines are.

Also, my husband once solemnly reminded me that he has tried for years to get me to quit smoking (because he fears the danger) but would happily see me on a flight (because he sees no danger). I trust him that he wouldn't want me to do anything unsafe.

The premise that you are allowing your children to fly means you know deep down it's perfectly safe. You'd do anything to stop your child coming to harm, but flying isn't registering as harmful. Try to keep that idea close. You know it's fine, it's already in you.

I had a flying lesson at the weekend (not a stealth boast, it was a groupon bargain) and at the start, the instructor said that the most dangerous thing I would do that day was to drive to and from the aerodrome.

OP, I know logic can't always overcome fear, but flying really is a very safe way to travel. The only tip I would add is to take good quality headphones and a some relaxing music on your phone or iPod. My DM hates flying, and changes in engine noise really panics her. Blocking external sounds (and wine) seems to help.

I am a horrific flyer (I literally curl up on my seat, shake, sweat and cry for a good half of the average European flight and need to be just left to it) but have had jobs where I've needed to fly to/from Asia, have been to SE Asia and NZ visiting friends and do at least 3 shorthauls a year too - before kids I'd drink wine and have valium, I've even done a fear of flying course but now it's cold mainly turkey. Bizarrely one thing that helped recently was nicking one of kids lollipops - perhaps it was the really focussed breathing to suck the lollipop that helped? My kids know that I just hate it, Mummy is fine when we get there and so far don't appear to have succumbed to the fear, dh doesn't mind flying at all & tells them to ignore me!

Well done @hiccupgirl and @MrsEricBana! Great achievements on your flying sky boats!

It makes me so sad to read how illogically scared other people are, it is such a "waste" of something so phenomenal. I do hope you all can beat this fear because flying really is a modern miracle that should be enjoyed and taken in awe, not terror

I never used to be scared of flying until a few years ago when I went to America and there was really bad turbulence on the plane. It literally felt like it dropped, I honesty thought I was a goner. The crew didn't look fazed so I gathered it wasn't that bad to them but ever since then and the feeling I felt, I find it really hard to fly. I also feel more fearful now that I have children.

Thanks Shotsfired!

I agree with MaidOfStars that it actively helps to look out, surprisingly, as you can then see that, for example, the plane is just banking to turn to approach the runway, or mechanical whirring sound must be landing gear coming down etc.

That's a brilliant point about not being scared for your kids.

I take hefty doses of valium to fly, it acts within an hour. I'm a lover of valium, it makes me feel all floaty and at ease. It's my modern miracle!

As an aside, the worst turbulence my mum ever experienced was on a domestic hop down to London. The crew had to give up serving tea etc. At the end, my mum said bet you're glad that's over to the air hostess and she literally didn't know what my mum meant. The 'severe' turbulence my mum had experienced had left her mind by the time they landed.

I love flying but hate turbulence, or 'rough air' as the U.S. plots always call it.

But I see the air hosts carrying on as normal whilst we're being bumped about, and that reassures me.

I'm quite scared of flying - although previously quite a confident, relatively frequent flyer.

I think Air France 447 is the one that really started my phobia. The amount of true faith in the pilots suddenly felt absurd to me - they are only human after all.

I also read that increasing budget cuts have lead to situations where not enough fuel is carried for unexpected route changes. So, planes can be carrying the regulatory amount of fuel for the journey from A to B, in addition to a potential re-route to C in case B is closed. But if C is also closed then fuel starts becoming an issue.

That's a whole load of nope for me.

^led, oops!

This is a positive thread binary POSITIVE!

If anyone is looking for a less woozy alternative to Valium/diazepam then I can really recommend propranolol - it blocks adrenaline but you just feel calm, rather than out of it.

For overnighters, but not anxious flyers, I would recommend Tylenol PM. Keeps me sane, and asleep, on a red eye.

I hate flying. Take off and landing especially but I'm tense the whole flight and the most I can manage is short haul about four hours. I want to go to new York but the thought of the flight is the biggest reason I haven't booked yet.

My doctor did prescribe diazepam which made the four hour flight to tenerife actually quite fun. I had to take 10mg though.