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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be afraid of flying?

88 replies

WhatLizzyDid · 21/07/2017 21:53

First world problem I know! I'm very lucky to be going on my holidays in a few days (Algarve) with DH and DC and I can feel myself becoming more and more anxious the closer it gets. I daren't google 'how safe is flying' or 'how safe is Jet2' in case I find something bad. I am really worried I will have a panic attack on the plane and frighten my DC. I can't bear the flimsiness of the aeroplane. The way the wings shake, the boucyness of flying feels so pricsrious.
I have flown before but the anxiety seems to get worse as I get older. Any tips?

OP posts:
flickerty · 21/07/2017 23:32

Ah I wish I was a pilot.
Was my dream job.... sigh.

Babyblues14 · 21/07/2017 23:34

Same here, not so much the main flight but the taking off and landing petrifies me. Didnt help that my first flight was eight hours long (two flights to get there, second was 6 hours) and I constantly felt like getting up and screaming for them to let me off. I distinctly remember crying like a baby. If I didnt have to I wouldn't fly but dhs family live a long way away Confused
Just happy we only go once every few years

Original poster
WhatLizzyDid · 21/07/2017 23:41

backinthebox and mogulfield thank you! That actually reassures me a great deal. I am so grateful you took the time to reply Smile I hope some of the other posters found your comments reassuring too. I'm sure they will have done.
mrspoth me too!

OP posts:
42isthemeaning · 21/07/2017 23:42

I hadn't been on a plane for 14 years and even then it had only been achievable with a good dose of airport bar and Valium. I was then thrown into quandary - take an amazing school trip to Italy or stay behind and regret it. I took an easyJet fearless flyer course and can quite honestly say it was fantastic and so worth while. It comprises an evening presentation which is very comprehensive, with a captain and a therapist, followed by a short experience flight the following day which is fully narrated to explain exactly what all the noises / movements mean. You should look into it - there may be one happening near you before you go? The website also shows you where you can get help if you are flying soon and don't have time for a course. Good luck, op!

Original poster
WhatLizzyDid · 21/07/2017 23:43

Thanks Lady I must admit that I am partial to a G&T!
I am going to go over all of the advice and information I have got from this thread in my head when on the plane

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatLizzyDid · 21/07/2017 23:46

42 and lazy I am definitely going to look into a course. If not before this holiday then before the next.
Mumsnetters are the absolute best!

OP posts:
aftersomeadvice23 · 21/07/2017 23:49

Backinthebox. Thank you very much for your post. I too am a nervous flyer and your post has really helped.

FlandersRocks · 21/07/2017 23:53

I've flown a handful of times over the years and never enjoyed it but just gritted my teeth and did it. Was always slightly nervous but I dealt with it.

I went to Ibiza on a hen last year which was the first time for 5 years I'd flown. The flight over was fine and I barely remember it...probably because I was a little more than tipsy Grin

On the way back though, I shocked myself at how badly I handled it. I had a feeling of dread from the minute we arrived at the airport and had a lightheaded crazy moment just before we boarded where I actually thought I couldn't do it and nearly bolted. I was in a state of barely controlled panic the whole way and went to the toilet to hide my actual hyperventilating panic attack because I felt like such a twat...managed to breathe into a sick bag and pull myself together somewhat, enough to go back and sit down.

We're already booked for a holiday next year and I seriously need to get my shit together before then so I've been looking into hypnosis. I don't know why I've suddenly acquired such a reaction to flying though as I always handled it well in the past!

Titsywoo · 22/07/2017 00:02

I may be wrong in saying this but I'm pretty sure the last time there was a commercial jet crash flying from or into the UK (with fatalities) was the Lockerbie bombing in 1988. That's nearly 30 years ago! Flying is very safe now. Saying that I am also scared of it - so illogical. Fear of flying courses help!

ShotsFired · 22/07/2017 00:06

I do hope OP and others manage to conquer their fear, because if they could experience it like I/other happy flyers do - as the sheer exhilarating magic that is flying - it would be so fantastic for you all.

I so wish you could already feel it the same amazing way I do. I am sad it scares you so much, as the opposite is simply brilliant, honest!

ExplodedCloud · 22/07/2017 00:19

People think they understand why I'm scared of flying. I've had the first officer sent to talk to me but it's not because I don't understand statistics!

ExplodedCloud · 22/07/2017 00:21

I happily went up in a helicopter and thirty transatlantic flights before 'the fear' hit.

Twofurrycats · 22/07/2017 00:29

I am a truly rubbish flier. I've tried diazepam but have to take a lot which is no good if I then have to drive. My best solution has been noise cancelling headphones. A god send that got me to do 2 flights totalling 20hours to the far East. And it me through 10 European flights last year.

Beeziekn33ze · 22/07/2017 00:40

What a lovely kind and helpful thread, Mumsnet at its best!

Mysteriouscurle · 22/07/2017 00:51

I am also a nervous flier. Flew recently and hardly slept the night before.it was an early flight so I couldnt cope with alcohol. I hate take off. I know what the stats say about safety but logic has no place in my mind when im in an aeroplane. I distract myself with a decent book and try to ignore it. My favourite bit of the whole flight is when the plane has landed and slowed down. A huge smile comes on my face.

I really envy people who love flying. It must be great for the flight to be an added bonus rather than a dread

HappenedForAReisling · 22/07/2017 03:10

I wish I could get a handle on my fear. I've lived overseas for years so have had to fly.
I need a bloody good drink but when that wears off I'm a bag of nerves waiting for something to happen.

I did a fear of flying course years ago too. It helped for a bit but as the years roll on I get worse and worse.

One of my friends is a purser for a major airline and three friends were captains for the same airline. I'm still fucking terrified though.

MrsEricBana · 22/07/2017 03:52

This is such a useful thread, thank you all, especially backinthebox
I have managed to overcome an extreme flying phobia which was triggered by three in flight incidents, then firmly cemented by 911. My fears were of terrorism as well as mechanical failure. How I got over it was that I had to fly as we had to make a long transatlantic trip as a family for dh job. In the run up to the trip I was literally sick with worry, IBS flared up, started shaking whenever I looked up and a plane was going over, looked at going by boat (!), tried every trick in the book to get out of going etc. It was 2013 and the week we went there were three air crashes, the worst being the Malaysia airways incident over the Ukraine. They were saying laptops had to be charged so could be checked, hands swabbed at security etc. I'm not sure how it could have been worse. I was terrified i was going to start screaming on the plane. I also can't drink so no Dutch courage option. How I managed it was:

  • if I had refused to go I would have been severely limiting the opportunities of my family
  • I discovered that when 911 happened there were 5000 or so planes in the sky at that time and presumably at any other time when I might fly yet there are very few incidents
  • I could just sit there eating nice things and watching films for the duration with no chores to do
  • Despite my fears I did really want to go to the place with my family
  • Dh and various friends have to fly for business all the time and choose to fly for holidays
  • I didn't want to keep turning down exciting trips abroad only to get run over going to the Co-op
  • On the day I had Bach Flower Remedies in my hand and I just walked through all the stages at Heathrow not thinking about boarding the plane, I sat on the plane and did films and eating as above and not once did I let myself think about being in a metal tube hurtling along at 35000 feet.
So basically I told myself to JFDI as it was worth the risk. It was fine and I've since made the same trip again, been to Canada and am now typing this at a reasonable time in another time zone. My advice up to you is that the rewards FAR outweigh the risks so don't think about it too much, JFDI and enjoy your lovely holiday in Portugal!! Good luck, you can do it.
bitofabelly · 22/07/2017 04:16

Can I just add...irrational fear here too..I've always found there is someone next to you on the plane who is happy to chat if you tell them you are a nervous flyer. Idle chat passes the time and people have been so kind to me. I always feel sorry for the person that gets to sit next to me...but for the most part people are wiling to chat

Backinthebox · 22/07/2017 05:05

mogulfield "just to reinforce jet2s standards (I don't work for them, honest!) the walk around that back is referring to is completed by the captain, they don't even let the first officer do it!"

Senior first officer here, and I definitely do the walk round, have done since day one. The airline I work for trains pilots to be captains from day 1, it was called the 'Captains for the Future' program when I first joined. With over 20 years of flying and over 10000 hours, I am considerably more experienced than captains at many airlines. (I choose to remain a SFO because I have children and I like being able to pick exactly where and when I go to at work. Much nicer to fly to the Caribbean on a Monday morning that to Saudi Arabia on a Friday night, for example!) The training for all pilots is also very comprehensive. When I am in charge of the aircraft, I am responsible for everything from the minute we get to the airport. The captain lets me get on with it and the only things I defer to them are signing things that only the commander can sign.

Fruitboxjury · 22/07/2017 05:20

Has anyone had any side effects of diazepam whilst flying? I've flown tens of thousands of miles but had a full blown panic attack out of the blue on a flight which I think was triggered by claustrophobia and specifically the fear that no one could help me if I became really unwell (I was having chest pain which I didn't know was triggered by anxiety). Any tips? I'm thinking of trying cbt before we fly next, I like the idea of beta blockers but don't want to get hung up on poss side effects. Good luck all

Giggorata · 22/07/2017 07:13

I got hypnotised and it really helped. I was still nervous but it wasn't overwhelming, and I could handle it - and even quite enjoy the view flying over the Great Lakes !

dontpokethebear · 22/07/2017 07:22

I have every faith in the pilots, crew, engineers etc. But I used to watch 'Plane crash investigation' and there were several episodes on pilots that deliberately crashed. That's what has ruined it for me. Terrified.

Middleoftheroad · 22/07/2017 07:31

I have a phobia of flying. Not flown since DC born 11 years ago.

Really want to go to US with them.

They have flown with DH and I missed out.

I found Virgin Fear of Flying course useless for me. My fears are many - not just claustrophobia.

I want to go on a plane with kids. I thought valium etc has to get into yr system - that you have to take it for weeks, not simply pop a pill before. Can anybody confirm this? I used to drink to fly. I got wasted on several flights and DH refused to fly with me. That was before DC so clearly can't get rat arsed now.

OP. I think I (we) would be wise to deal with the phobia rather than mask it. But easier said than done. Fears are irrational and complex, but am watching this wirh interest!

hiccupgirl · 22/07/2017 07:42

I have generalised anxiety which has mainly played out in panic attacks when driving over the last 3 yrs. I haven't flown for 8 years for various reasons and I'm getting on a plane for a 13 hour flight this evening. I used to love flying and am hoping that excitement is stronger than the fear. DS is so excited about going on a plane for the first time and I'm very excited about our destination. I'm trying to see the flight as just a necessary thing to get there.

Thank you to everyone who has explained about planes wanting to fly etc. That does make me feel much better. I also have diazapam which I will take today as I don't want a panic attack midair. The only side effect I get is it makes me feel like I have a bad hangover - spaced out and headachy but it's better than the alternative.

hiccupgirl · 22/07/2017 07:45

Middle I find I can take 1 2mg diazapam and within 20-30 mins I can feel my mind calm down and stop racing. I've not had to take them consistently before as I only take them when I can feel I can't bring my panic down myself.

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