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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How much would you need to SAH?

60 replies

Realitysandwich1 · 21/07/2017 21:10

Contemplating being a SAHP - AIBU?
Specifically: how much would you need to have coming into the house each month after the mortgage was paid every month to feel you lived a comfortable life and insured from reasonable shocks?

We'd be losing in the region of £1,300 pm post all tax and costs now and by the time the nursery gets cheaper/2nd dc at school more like £2000 plus pension, benefits, earning potential.

I've been a ft working parent for 7 years and it's felt like a long slog. One primary age is insecure and unconfident, hates all the childcare she has and we've tried a lot and the one at nursery doesn't talk nearly enough or very well to my mind.

I'd asked previously about part time and been told no so assuming that is not in the choice set.

OP posts:

HareTodayDragonTomorrow · 21/07/2017 21:19

One primary age is insecure and unconfident, hates all the childcare she has and we've tried a lot and the one at nursery doesn't talk nearly enough or very well to my mind.
^That is all I would need.
(And what we've done for the last five years. Some months we've nothing left over)

Ecureuil · 21/07/2017 21:25

It's impossible to say, as it completely depends on your outgoings.
I'm currently a SAHM. After mortgage is paid we have about £2800. This allows us to pay our bills, eat well, have a few treats and holidays, put some money into long term savings and also have short term savings for house repairs, run a car (we have one company car and one that we own) etc. We could live on less, but would have to forego treats.

NotTheCoolMum · 21/07/2017 21:27

Go through your bank statements and note down your outgoings

Get another job that is part time. It's not all or nothing

SorrelSoup · 21/07/2017 21:30

You need a spreadsheet of all outgoings.

Coastalcommand · 21/07/2017 21:32

I need to make £1000 a month to afford to be at home. I work for myself and make sure I bring at least that much in, just in case.
That was how much I'd have been taking home after nursery fees were paid.

SamoyedSam · 21/07/2017 21:33

I'm a SAHP. After rent, we have around £1,500. I feel like we have a pretty good life .

rinabean · 21/07/2017 21:36

Do you necessarily need to be "comfortable" and "insulated" - if it's temporary? How quickly do you think you could get back into your job?

Work out the absolute bare bones minimum and go from there. If you can afford it physically, you can afford it. If you're going to go back to full time work when your youngest is starting high school for example, focus on that.

Perhaps you can find other part time work, not the same as your current position? It could provide the cushion you're looking for

rinabean · 21/07/2017 21:37

Sorry I forgot to say the important bit: it sounds like you really want to and it would really help your family. That's why I'm saying look at the minimum. I wouldn't say that if you were totally on the fence and it didn't look like it would help

redphonebox · 21/07/2017 21:38

Could you not look for another job that is part time, as a PP said?

I think we'd need to have about 1200 a month left over after all bills paid. That would leave enough to comfortably pay for food, clothes, gifts, maybe the occasional holiday, days out and just general life. And any left over could go in savings.

Original poster

Realitysandwich1 · 21/07/2017 21:38

Ah I do something niche and usually involving a lot of travel that I've negotiated myself out of due to having a lot of experiences. It pretty much isn't an option to do part time in the same industry and have been told the same in previous job hunts.

So after the mortgage we'd be looking at £2100k which is doable but feels like it's possibly tight especially given obviously we're happily spending the extra at the moment.

I shall pore through statements. I tend to think along the lines of what hare said though that I've tried so many options to get my dc on an even keel but I don't have a good sense they're doing well and it's as though they never get to see me enough, they're always frantic to have me spend time with them.

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2rebecca · 21/07/2017 21:41

I would never have given up my financial independence to be a SAH mum. They are only at home all the time for a few years, it's not worth risking your financial security for. There are a lot of divorces, small children become boring if you are with them a lot. Work kept me sane and made life easier when I got divorced.

Original poster

Realitysandwich1 · 21/07/2017 21:43

If I got out, I think I'd want to see the youngest to end of primary, that's 8 years.

It would be a big loss of earning potential as I do a niche software job although I reckon I could do some training and get back into something down the line.

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HareTodayDragonTomorrow · 21/07/2017 21:46

Not even if it would be to the detriment of your child, 2rebecca?

flownthecoopkiwi · 21/07/2017 21:47

After mortgage probably about 3.5k needed to feel comfortable a month.
I wouldn't give up work completely ever tho

Highlyinternational · 21/07/2017 21:48

Are you asking how much money does your husband need to earn to allow you to give up your job and look after kiddies all day?

Shouldn't you be asking him how many hours. A week he's prepared to put in so that you don't have to? not a bunch of strangers on the internet?

redphonebox · 21/07/2017 21:48

£2100! I've never been a SAHP but that sounds like quite a lot to me? Surely you could easily live on that?

I get what you're saying about your industry being difficult to go part time in but if it were me I'd still want to do something, even if it were in a different field (even just a couple of mornings or evenings a week at a much lower salary) just to keep my hand in and avoid a long gap on my CV. I appreciate everyone is different though.

Shenanagins · 21/07/2017 21:49

Do you think you being a SAH will really help your children and if so how?

The reason I ask is that personally I would only do it if I had personal financial independence.

However it isn't about me and my family, it's yours and I would say that only consider it if you really think it would help your children. Also, why does it have to be you, can your oh go part time?

FinallyHere · 21/07/2017 21:51

I'd need a spreadsheet of outgoings, validated over a couple of years (to make sure i hadn't missed anything). Then start living on what we would need to live on right away, and work out what you would need to do without. Then... enjoy.

LittleBearPad · 21/07/2017 21:51

I wouldn't give up my job entirely either. I'm not suited to staying at home all the time. I could probably afford to I really wanted to.

WLmum · 21/07/2017 21:52

You're set to have way more than we have each month, so you'll be fine. It sounds more like a shift in mindset is all you need. I recently gave up work for similar reasons to you - in just a few weeks my v anxious dd2 is already calmer and happier. Nothing is forever, and I will reassess in a year or 2, but for now, my family's mental health has to come above finances. I'm looking forward to a summer of love with my babies instead of a summer of juggling tag team annual leave and childcare options.
Good luck, your heart will tell you everything you need to know.

theSnuffster · 21/07/2017 21:52

In the past we have managed on around 1800 per month and that was to pay for everything, rent included. I never felt like we struggled, we couldn't afford extras like holidays but we always had everything we needed, and we could go on days out or treat the kids.

I now work- school hours term time only so no childcare costs. Still can't afford a holiday though because we would have to pay school holiday prices! I don't feel we are massively better off financially with me working, although we can now save a bit each month. I'll always feel incredibly lucky that I can do the school runs and be with the children in school holidays.

Original poster

Realitysandwich1 · 21/07/2017 21:55

My dh works crazy hours, travels a lot - he's worried about the kids too and has wanted me to SAH for years but kept quiet because it's not what I felt I ought to do before now. He's tried cutting back but he has too many things going on realistically.

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thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 21/07/2017 21:56

It doesn't matter how much money you have. The important thing is being there for your children, and they'll love that.

If you find things are a bit tight financially then you just cut back where you can. Life can be still be full of love and fun when you're skint.

Original poster

Realitysandwich1 · 21/07/2017 21:59

It's a good question about whether I feel I can make a difference or not, and one I've asked myself but ultimately it's about the only option I've not tried. I may give more thought to looking for pt options - I was laughed out of a few agencies asking for this but I only need to find one option.

Off to bed now and clearly need to do a longer look at our bills etc.

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shouldwestayorshouldwego · 21/07/2017 21:59

I would look into retraining straight after giving up work into an area where you can work part time. I don't mean a degree type commitment but a sideways move. It is much easier to get a job from a job. Could you teach? Often adults ed jobs are part time and during day/evening. A small job to keep your hand in and give you something to focus on outside of your dc. It is good to get a balance and it sounds as if it has swung too far the other way.

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