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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I report to social services

102 replies

princessachica · 21/07/2017 16:01

It's been TWO WHOLE WEEKS ! and this has been slowly bugging my mind and munching at me that I've walked away from this situation and been making me feel very down I've asked my mum and my boyfriend what to do and they said it's totally up to me it's my friend.
Here is what happened.

Two weeks ago I went to visit my friend with my 9 month old from school she was a two years older than me she has a 1year old son she lives in her grandmothers attic .
I know she is known to social services cause when I was round there she had her boyfriend her sons father round cause he was having his vaccines the next day and she wanted support from him my friends mother called and I overheard her say "why is he there ? Don't let him go to the appointment don't let him be seen cause of the social services" and she then replied "yeah I know he is just gonna help out after they are done "

Okay cut a long story short ...
When I walked Into this attic it ABSOLUTELY STANK of marijuana and the son was playing in the pool pit the dad was sitting on the PS3 and some girl was sitting straightening her hair on the vanity table ... I sat holding my daughter I didn't like the atmosphere at all . My friend then began rolling a joint on the vanity table next to her friend and she asked me "do u still smoke" I said no I gave all of that up when we left school" and she replied with "rah how did u do that " I didn't reply cause I just really wanted to leave at this point ...
she then went out on the balcony with her boyfriend and smoked the joint ... I walked over to the little boy and said hello he smiled and I put my daughter in the ball pit and took two photos of them and I noticed the girl was giving me a funny look for taking the photos ... I got talking to her and she then told me she was "seventeen and has run away from her foster home for three days and has been staying here" I couldn't believe what I was hearing and what my friend was doing encouraging this young girl.

They then come in and the boyfriend was on the phone and said go and open up the door and my friend went downstairs opened the door and some guy we all knew came in he went and sat out on the balcony and I heard my friend shouting at her son for the son following her crawling down stairs and her boyfriend said "stop f-ing shouting at him before I come and punch you in your face" I looked down and the seventeen year old girl was on the balcony aswell I looked over and she was uncomfortable by the guy who walked in he was breathing down her neck and she was nearly hanging of the balcony trying to get him off her she came in and said "yeah I'm going to leave now" and my friend came in saying "awhh why now you don't have to " !!!!! And she just said "yeah I'm going when ever he comes he makes me feel uncomfortable " and my friend said "don't worry about it there going out to sell their weed in a minute" and the friend replied "well call me when they are gone and I'll come back"

Any way before they left they all went outside smoked another joint left me with their son ...

When they all left and it was just me and my friend she was clearly steaming out of breath and really high and very angry her boyfriend left ... I said I need to get going soon can I change my daughters nappy she then decided to change her son aswell and we both fed our children their bottle and spoke and my daughter fell asleep but her son never fell asleep and she wanted him to fall asleep and she was hugging him extremely tight he was crying uncomfortable and she was breathing really hard and she then threw him on the bed threw the bottle on the baby's face and told him "fine put yourself to sleep then" he was really crying at this point I looked down at my daughter and stroaked her face and gave her a kiss and she then picked up her son held him by his arms looked at him and then hugged and kissed him and shouted "stop crying " he stopped crying and he was shaking scared on her breathing so scared and he fell asleep from the stress and exhaustion and I said "I need to go now and get my dinner on " and she "oh okay so soon we had a good time come over again sometime" ...

I haven't messaged her since but it's been playing on my mind the poor little boy !! I didn't feel it was my place to say anything I was just stuck there watching ... I felt bad I went there and took my daughter there and I can't believe what I saw ...

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 21/07/2017 18:10

I'm shocked by your mother and boyfriend to be fair. You told them and they did nothing either?

You've done the right thing now, but, for two weeks that poor baby has been left with an abuser.

But, as long as you feel better, eh!?

Chapterandverse · 21/07/2017 18:15

Op, Not that it makes any difference but what age are you & your friend?

Twiggy71 · 21/07/2017 18:24

Well done Op for reporting this as i know it is a hard thing to do. You sound as if your young yourself too.
Misery leave the op alone & stop sitting on your high horse and judging others.

princessachica · 21/07/2017 18:34

Thankyou for the support I was not satisfied with what my mother and partner said I couldn't shave that in my mind no more

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 21/07/2017 18:35

I'm worried about a baby that's been left with an abusive mother...

SpiritedLondon · 21/07/2017 18:37

I think it's a bit pointless to keep having a go at the OP for the delay in reporting. I think she's got the message. At least she has reported it now which is more than a lot of people do when they suspect abuse.

WellThisIsShit · 21/07/2017 18:43

Well done. It is a really hard decision when you can't do it anonymously and are scared of pissing off a potentially violent drug dealer.

Online people can sound so bravevand it can be all so clear.

But in real life and without strong support and encouragement to come forwards, it's really hard to make that decision.

That poor baby, it actually hurts me to think of him so scared of his mummy, the one person he should be able to trust absolutely. I remember my little boy as a tiny baby, able to cry and smile and feed ... all knowing that when he cried he would get love and care and attention. Not throwing on a bed and bottles thrown at his head. The damage that kind of cruelty will be doing is enormous. The emotional harm will stay with him for life. And the physical harm... this is so scary. If she's losing her temper and crossing the line so easily, then I'm afraid that baby is in real danger. She sounds like she has no guilt or awareness that she just did such a terrible terrible thing to her innocent little baby... and that's such a bad sign. Babies under 1 are killed by their parents losing their temper and lashing put like that... I'm so glad you called ss.

You spoke up when that baby couldn't.

(Encouragement and support might be helpful on here too, rather than some of the angry posts that are likely to make the OP run away)

Pru24 · 21/07/2017 19:01

Phone up nspcc or ur local council & make an anonymous complaint. They will then send her & a letter & make a Visit. Just stick to the details. Mother & father smoke weed, father is verbally abusive & u witnessed the mother being physically abusive to the child, say about the squeezing when crying & throwing bottle at baby. All u need is there names & address. You really should report this. It wont stop otherwise.

annoyedand · 21/07/2017 20:35

Well done the whole situation the girl and the baby just sounds awful x if the girl is in care she will have been reported missing just unfortunalty is shes 17 the police will not be actively looking for her. If you make them aware of this ad free they should visit though and if they then see that the baby is at risk report that back to social services.

Cuckingfunt1981 · 21/07/2017 20:36

Have u phoned the police ??? Hope to god they go round tonight and rescue that poor baby ??? It's disgusting that she launched a bottle off the baby's head . I think people have forgot that aspect ? The fact she did it in full view of someone she doesn't really know makes it even sicker cos fuck knows what she is doing when alone . She is a vile disgusting monster and doesn't deserve to be a mother . No matter how hard motherhood is you never EVER PHYSICALLY ASSAULT A BABY

Cuckingfunt1981 · 21/07/2017 20:38

To be honest I wouldn't feel like a weight had been lifted from my chest till I knew that baby was safe !!!

PatMullins · 21/07/2017 20:41

For fuck sake

tiredbum · 21/07/2017 20:51

Well done for finally doing the right thing, imagine how guilty you would have felt if something terrible happened to the little boy during the 2 weeks you didn't report. Don't ever feel guilty because she was a friend etc, protecting an innocent child is much more important then making people feel bad about you. You did the right thing x

niccyb · 21/07/2017 21:23

Definitely needs reporting. If u give the child's name, the chances are she's already known

emmyrose2000 · 21/07/2017 23:18

The place stank of marijuana and you stayed there with your baby!? I would have left as soon as I smelled the drugs

This. I can't believe you stayed and willingly exposed your own baby to this as well. I'd have left immediately and phoned SS then, let alone two weeks later.

Starsandwishes · 21/07/2017 23:28

It's not great that op stayed for a while. But if she had not she would not have seen theses things. So there would have not been a report. So it's a good job she was there.

WellThisIsShit · 22/07/2017 00:10

The OP cannot go back in time, so what is the point in telling her what she should have done two weeks ago? She can't change that, she can only change what she does now and in the future. And posters can only affect the present and future too!

SparklyMagpie · 22/07/2017 01:52

I'm guessing you're quite young OP

Think i'm going to leave this thread now,makes me feel sick
I just pray that baby boy gets taken away and is safe

Oswin · 22/07/2017 02:13

Kimmy you talk about avoiding social awkwardness. Are you really that naive?
With some people if you ring the police it's not gonna lead to social awkwardness it's gonna be put in the boot of a car and fucked up.
Yeah op is right to report but don't play down her fear.

Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 02:28

Well done for reporting OP. Did you also call the police?

Good luck.

You can do everything anonymously and deny any knowledge of it if your friend says anything. You don't need to admit you told.

Well done for doing something.

Cuckingfunt1981 · 22/07/2017 08:46

I am not having a go at youbop my anger is aimed towards that sick fuck of a mother who does not deserve to have any kids in her care ! Well done for phoning ss but PLEASE phone the police for your own safety . Explain to them your concerns and fears for your own safety and that of your child's . They will have to take you seriously and will offer some support for you xx

princessachica · 22/07/2017 10:15

I phone the police yesterday sorry for not mentioning and said I'm worried about my safety explained the situation what I had to do what I have seen and the young girl her first name gave a description of her and they said they where really glad I gave that piece of information she was on the young missing persons scheme ...

And Me and this girl are not young that's why im more in shock that she hasn't changed at all!! Literally the same but abusive to her son and a drug dealer boyfriend

And people saying what I should or shouldn't have done it's done now and I've reported I and done my bit ... all of this literally happened so fast literally 30mins of being there ... the reason I stayed even longer with her is because my daughter was needing changing and was hungry and I felt sorry for the little boy he seemed so gentle when he was playing with her in the ball pit :(

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 10:33

Well done OP it must be hard to process this kind of thing. You've done the right thing. I say again, if she challenges you if it was you, you do not need to say it was you. It's not wrong tile for your safety, your dd's safety or for the sake of a 'friendship'

Italiangreyhound · 22/07/2017 10:34

Not wrong to lie

chloesmumtoo · 22/07/2017 10:57

princessachica, if you think this thread is really outing because you have mentioned all the details on here it may be best to report your thread and get it removed. I think you have had all the advice you needed to do the right thing and taken the appropriate action. Well done

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