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AIBU?

To be annoyed at DP on his birthday?

81 replies

PricklyCactuss · 21/07/2017 08:24

For context DP and I have been together 2 years and live together.

Today is DP birthday, I woke up earlier planning to give him his presents, breakfast (TMI: morning bday sex) but he's gone the bloody gym. Like he does every single morning and evening. He wouldn't even usually be gone at this time to the gym yet. It's whatever moving on.

He also put up a picture on Instagram this morning 'twerk for me it's my birthday'. I've just called him on this via text yet to receive a reply but floored how disrespectful this is.

He's made arrangements to go out later straight after work so I won't even see him and he's made plans for saturdsy with family that he's not invited me to when I'm usually invited to do things with them. (Group of cousins our age)

He works 7 days a week 9-7 and gym before and after work so all I see of him is a cranky worked out tired person Ready got bed. And he's hardly wanting to spend his birthday seeing me at all. AIBU to be annoyed at the above

OP posts:

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ThePlatypusPosse · 21/07/2017 09:41

You say that your relationship isn't always like this, but in your original post, you say he goes to the gym every single day.

Men don't usually behave in a "twerk for me it's my birthday" manner just for those few seconds; it's a good indication of how they view the female sex - that viewpoint isn't something that they have the ability to switch on and switch off. It's ingrained into them.

To me, if he's not inviting you to family plans whilst he's living with you and after two years of dating you, he's seeing you as an accessory to his life rather than a fully inclusive and essential part of his life. Again, this gives me the impression he has a pretty dim view of women.

I think you maybe seeing things through rose-coloured spectacles here to be honest.

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TheNaze73 · 21/07/2017 09:42

It is his birthday after all.

If you don't like him & his priorities leave him. If you didn't communicate your plans for today, then I think you should have. To some adult birthdays are just a normal day.

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FoofFighter · 21/07/2017 10:01

gym - personality changes - steriods perhaps?

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TempusEejit · 21/07/2017 10:03

But it's clearly not just a normal day for him is it, hence the twerk meme, going out after work today then going out with others tomorrow (which presumably he's missing work for).

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Miserylovescompany2 · 21/07/2017 10:03

To be honest he doesn't sound that into you. You seem to fit around his life rather than compliment each others.

To put it bluntly, it's the "ME SHOW" and he's the star of his own show, you are merely an extra.

After 2 years? This ain't good!

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TeaCake5 · 21/07/2017 10:06

foof come on, going to gym often doesn't mean he is a steroid head. How has his personality changed? He is doing his normal routine?

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Branleuse · 21/07/2017 10:14

He sounds really boring. What's the point of being with someone you never see. He's also rude as well as boring because he didn't invite you to his birthday celebrations. He's not really showing any interest in your company. Sod that for a relationship

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Belle1616 · 21/07/2017 10:43

Not sure why you are with him.

My oh and I train in martial
Arts and compete we go through periods of training twice a day for fights etc, but as it's something we do together and we also have breaks from training we make it work.

Excluding you from birthday plans like this doesn't look good.

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honeyroar · 21/07/2017 10:49

Tweak for me = revolting. Not replying when you said you were upset by it = disrespectful. He's entitled to do what he wants on his birthday, but he doesn't sound much of a catch in general anyway!

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Slarti · 21/07/2017 10:50

It sounds like you've confused his birthday with yours.

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TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 21/07/2017 11:08

OP I agree with PPs that you don't seem to be getting much out of this relationship. But one thing that stuck out for me, when you answered a question about having previous relationships, was that you'd been in an abusive relationship for two years.

Do you see your relationship with your current DP as a good one simply because he doesn't abuse you physically?

This episode may be a blip, or it may be a sign of something deeper. But whatever you do, don't settle for being with someone just because they don't hit you. There are many, many men out there who won't do that, but will enjoy your company, want to do things together and spend time together. Take time to think about things, and decide if perhaps you need to go and find one of them.

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Motherbear26 · 21/07/2017 11:30

The twerk thing is horrid but putting that aside, if it was just the gym I'd say yabu but he hadn't included you in his birthday plans at all. There is no one I would rather spend my birthday with than my dh and kids. I often go to the gym first thing before they are up but I get back to open cards and presents and spend the day with them. My dh is the same. I'm not sure he is as invested in the relationship as you. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? If so what did he say? I would seriously consider leaving and I don't say that lightly.

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Motherbear26 · 21/07/2017 11:30

*hasn't

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guiltybystander · 21/07/2017 11:38

'Works 7 days a week, and has gym before and after'
Jeez I feel exhausted just reading this

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Brittbugs80 · 21/07/2017 11:41

It sounds like your more invested in this relationship than him. I know those with gym routines can be super strict, my friend is and won't change her training plans, so maybe he did the gym as he always does.

One date night a month doesn't make a wonderful relationship. You hardly see each other, he's made weekend plans and left you out. He is either selfish or is phasing you out. If he can't include you now, imagine how isolated you would feel if there were children.

If you're not happy, speak up and tell him. Don't let it fester. His response will tell you all you need to know.

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Tofutti · 21/07/2017 11:49

Celebrating your birthday once a year and monthly cinema visits don't make a relationship.

It seems like you have set your bar very low after the last abusive relationship.

It sounds like you're there mainly to cook for him and provide sex.

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Orangetoffee · 21/07/2017 11:57

This is not a relationship, you sound more like a housekeeper with benefits. Really what is in this for you?

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TeaCake5 · 21/07/2017 12:01

What is all the speculation that he is only there for sex? Op was pissed of he didn't have sex this morning!

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Northernparent68 · 21/07/2017 12:02

I agree the hours he works are an issue, but surely he's allowed to go the gym and spend time with his family. If he makes an effort for your birthday maybe you can replicate by not seeing him for one evening.

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/07/2017 12:09

I would ask him when he is planning on celebrating his birthday with you?
You are not really in a relationship with him. He is planning his life and what he wants to do without any regard to you. He is acting like a single man but with the convenience of a gf when he wants one without having to make any real effort.

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Brittbugs80 · 21/07/2017 12:09

spend time with his family. If he makes an effort for your birthday maybe you can replicate by not seeing him for one evening

I'd find it odd that if I was in a relationship, and we had lived together for two years, to be excluded from a birthday night out with his family? And he's out with friends on his actual birthday? Where does she fit into his birthday plans?

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Emboo19 · 21/07/2017 12:26

Well I'd generally say it's his birthday so he should do what he wants. But if you aren't part of his birthday plans at all, I'd personally be questioning the relationship.

I'm not sure there's much if anything, my boyfriend would pass birthday sex up for!

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Crunchymum · 21/07/2017 13:02

So he works 7 days a week, 9am-7pm and goes gym before and after work?

When do you ever get any proper quality time together?

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MyStomachHurts · 21/07/2017 13:17

What are his reasons for not inviting you to the family thing?

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RhubardGin · 21/07/2017 13:27

What are his reasons for not inviting you to the family thing?

OP said because it was a physical activity and he assumed she wouldn't enjoy it.

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