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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel on my friend last minute?

94 replies

andshewillbeloved · 20/07/2017 12:19

Last year my friend booked tickets to go to the theatre with me and her other friend. Since we booked things have changed a lot and money is really right at the moment. The show is in a week and the tickets are £40 - she said I could pay her on the day. As well as the money I would have to leave dd for the day who is really clingy with me and would probably be upset if I went off for the day.

I hate cancelling but for the reasons I've mentioned I can't see how I can go. Am I being a bad friend?

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 20/07/2017 13:46

I think you've decided not to go.

In that case you need to tell her NOW and explain. You pay for the ticket and ask if she or her friend might know anyone who could use the ticket. They may or may not refund you. Your friend will be fed up with you but even more so the closer it comes.

You do sound as if you've had a hard time but nobody here is going to just say it's ok to let someone down. I would forgive you at this point since there is another person going. I wouldn't be thrilled though.

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 13:52

You don't want to leave your two year old. You're clingy? This is really unhealthy. She's all you have? Children grow up, go to school and eventually leave home. You need to start slowly building your own life. This could be a start.

andintothefire · 20/07/2017 14:00

Your friend has gone to the trouble of organising it. I am often in the situation where I organise something for a group and then one person invariably pulls out last minute. Even if they pay for the ticket, it is disappointing unless they have an urgent, important excuse because it sends a message that they don't really want to be there or that they prioritise something else. It also changes the nature of the event to go with one person rather than two.

By all means pull out if you REALLY can't afford to go. Your friend will understand. But please make sure you pay for the ticket with an immediate bank transfer (or by giving your friend cash before the event is due to take place). And perhaps be a bit sensitive to the fact that your friend may also feel disappointed that you haven't prioritised the planned event enough to be able to attend.

Miserylovescompany2 · 20/07/2017 14:00

By the sound of things you've had a pretty rough time of late. But, and it's a HUGE but, you need your friends right now. You NEED to have time away from your daughter. It will do you both the world of good.

Personally, I'd grasp the opportunity to get out see a show. Do you have family that could help you out with DD?

thereallochnessmonster · 20/07/2017 14:09

Sorry, but YABVVVU if you leave your friend in the lurch at this late stage - with a ticket you asked her to get a year ago!

You should have (a) paid her when she bought the ticket and (b) been more organised.

loobyloo1234 · 20/07/2017 14:11

Sorry i'm on the 'I'd be pissed off' camp

It's such late notice now. Sounds like you've had plenty of time to put some money aside for it

bigmac4me · 20/07/2017 14:11

She bought your ticket a whole year ago and you haven't paid her for it? Maybe you should add on some interest too!! And, lets be frank, you have had a whole year to save up for the extras too!

Reading between the lines, and forgive me if I am wrong, but I think you might be clingy to your child rather than the other way around. Your 2 year old will be okay, and as a foster carer used to little ones having huge dramatic changes to their lives, a few hours with someone she knows or even a babysitter, and I promise she'll be just fine!

Don't let your friend down. And if you go you may find you enjoy yourself too.

FrogsSitonLogs · 20/07/2017 14:18

Surely it wasn't a surprise to you, you've had a year to save. All two year olds go through clingy phases.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 20/07/2017 14:21

Go.

Really bad form to cancel. You don't have to have dinner ,explain why, but you should go.

snowgirl1 · 20/07/2017 14:29

I hate people who let others down - you made a commitment, you should go.

Oblomov17 · 20/07/2017 14:29

If you let me down this badly, at such short notice, I probably wouldn't bother with you again.
You seem blase, and don't seem to realise how bad this actually is. Which is even worse.

Oblomov17 · 20/07/2017 14:31

"She's all I have and it worries me when I have to leave her with other people."

Oh god. You're one of those aren't you? Gives up.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/07/2017 14:34

Yanbu. I don't understand this attitude on MN that you literally must be eating supermarket-own white bread and coke for breakfast, lunch and dinner before you're considered unable to go out on jollies.

Don't go and explain to your friend. You are not being a bad friend. Oddly enough on MN you'll also find that relatives that want to drop in for a cup of tea are basically satan. Don't take it to heart. You can't afford it, therefore don't go.

nippey · 20/07/2017 14:37

It wouldn't bother me if you cancelled, as long as you paid for the ticket. Do it now though, give her time to find someone else if she wants too.

Redhead17 · 20/07/2017 14:38

You need to be honest with your friend she might be sympathetic

My friend couldn't afford a ticket to see a babe and she'd had a real shit time I bought her a ticket she travelled to mine via train, str stayed with me I bought her dinner and even left her dog at mine as she had no one to have it.

I'd be pissed off if it was just 2 of us but if someone was struggling I'd happily pay for it all so my friend was happy

RubyWinterstorm · 20/07/2017 16:08

ah, this is a bit crappy OP

About the 2 yr old being clingy, it is really YOU being clingy. Try to leave her for a bit with your dad

Or just go to the show, not the dinner.

It is shoddy you left it last minute. How will you pay your friend, if you won't go and see her BTW? Hope you are not going to delay or guilt her into taking the hit.

This should have been a fun thing, and you are souring it . Maybe your friend is more sympathetic than us lot on MN though!

Ohyesiam · 20/07/2017 16:56

Don't know why people are being do arsey with you op.
Could you go straight to theatre, and miss dinner? Your toddler might kick off when you leave, but she will be fine five minutes later.

crapatpickingnames · 20/07/2017 18:01

With whats happened in the last year, if your friend is a good friend I'm sure she'd understand. Especially if you're paying her. Someone else is going, so you not going is not stopping her and she's not going to be out of pocket.
I'd hate to have friends like some of the people on here. From what the OP has said, she has definitely had a lot more on her mind than remembering a night out.
OP, if you've decided you're not going I wouldn't leave it any longer however and tell your friend asap.

glastogal · 20/07/2017 18:25

I think this is fine! Obviously more notice would have been better but you can't go back in time and you're not leaving her in the lurch as someone else is going too. Just be honest with her and pay the £40 - I'm sure she will understand, I would, and so would my good friends. Would be a bit different if it were just the 2 of you..

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