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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel on my friend last minute?

94 replies

andshewillbeloved · 20/07/2017 12:19

Last year my friend booked tickets to go to the theatre with me and her other friend. Since we booked things have changed a lot and money is really right at the moment. The show is in a week and the tickets are £40 - she said I could pay her on the day. As well as the money I would have to leave dd for the day who is really clingy with me and would probably be upset if I went off for the day.

I hate cancelling but for the reasons I've mentioned I can't see how I can go. Am I being a bad friend?

OP posts:
coddiwomple · 20/07/2017 12:31

You cannot cancel for no real reason at the very last minute! You don't give her time to find another friend to take your place. If you agree a year ago, you are being unreasonable.
If you really do not want to, you can ask her who else she would like to go with, and see if someone is available, but that's not a nice thing to do, at all.

countrybump · 20/07/2017 12:32

I had a similar thing happen recently. I'd booked tickets for four of us to go to the theatre. One of my friends couldn't make it after all for her own reasons. No problem, were all still friends.

But, she paid me the money I had spent out on the ticket. In fact she asked me if there was anyone else that I wanted to give the ticket to, as she now had no use for it. It was too last minute, so we weren't able to do that, but it was nice of her to consider doing that.

kaytee87 · 20/07/2017 12:32

Your 2yo will definitely be fine being left for the day if she knows your dad. I thought you were going to say under a year.
If you truly can't afford the train fair then just explain to your friend and transfer her the money for the ticket in the next week. You could always try and sell it to recoup the money.
If it was my friend and I thought they were genuine rather than disorganised then I would offer to pay the train fair.

AndNowItIsSeven · 20/07/2017 12:33

You been very dramatic , moving house in the last year and having a two year old doesn't stop you going out.

coddiwomple · 20/07/2017 12:33

your little one might make a scene if you go when you say goodbye, but at that age, they normally settle well after you're gone.
I just mean you don't have to feel guilty to leave your child. My other point stands!

ALittleMop · 20/07/2017 12:34

DD will cope, it's not a decent excuse or reason, given she has a loving grandparent to look after her.

I would come clean with friend and let her know you are struggling for cash - perhaps skip dinner out, and borrow train fare from your dad, if poss.

If you absolutely cannot find the money, you will have to feign illness last minute but make sure you pay for the ticket.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/07/2017 12:38

Your friend would understandably be very pissed off and she will not understand how you cannot leave a 2 year old for a day!!!!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 20/07/2017 12:40

Ok well it's not great but if you pay for the ticket and she still has another friend to go with, there was three of you originally wasn't there? I would offer her the ticket for another friend too, no point in wasting it.

SleightOfHand · 20/07/2017 12:42

That's good that you will still pay for the ticket. So they'll still be a couple of people going.
The thing is OP, these days there's just no excuse for forgetting these types of things, phones have the facility to give you a reminder well in advance. Or if you're old fashioned like me, I mark the dates on the calendar.

MaroonPencil · 20/07/2017 12:44

If you pulled out but still paid for the ticket, and I still had someone else to go with (ie the other friend), I would be a bit annoyed you had left it so last minute to tell me, but not overly so.

If you pulled out and I didn't have anyone else to go with, or you pulled out and weren't intending to pay for the ticket, I would be majorly pissed off. But you say neither of those things apply so that's OK.

Can't you meet them at the theatre and not go for dinner etc?

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 12:45

So you let her book and pay and then promptly forgot about it? Rude.
A 2 year old will cope for a day.

19lottie82 · 20/07/2017 12:46

Sorry OP but that's shit and it sounds like you're making excuses.

OK so you can't afford dinner that's fine, just tell her that.

What happens if she can't find someone to take your ticket? She will either have to go by herself or just not go and lose the money on her ticket.

If you do this and I were your friend I wouldnt consider you my friend anymore, sorry.

SleightOfHand · 20/07/2017 12:46

Ps, I can understand you changing your mind, best to cushion the blow best you can with your friend and then think really carefully next time before committing to something.

spottystripey · 20/07/2017 12:48

Ach, it's really fine. Don't give it a second thought. Apologise, tell her you'll still pay for the ticket, cuddle your 2 year old. Your friend will go to the theatre with her other friend and have a fun time. You will see your friend some other time (when it's less expensive) and all will be well.

viques · 20/07/2017 12:48

She booked a year ago and you haven't paid her back yet??? If friends book tickets for me the cheque is in the post the next day if I am not going to see them for a week or two to pay them cash. and I would expect the same.

at the very least you need to grovel extensively , and pay for the ticket immediately.

SleightOfHand · 20/07/2017 12:50

Pps, If someone had paid for something for me like this. I would have paid them back ASAP, I wouldn't like to think of them being out of pocket, plus it would have all been paid for now and you could have gone. I bet you would have remembered the date then Grin

SuburbanRhonda · 20/07/2017 12:53

How can a house move be unexpected?

Starlighter · 20/07/2017 12:55

Go! You'll enjoy it and DD will be fine for a few hours.

Explain the situation to your friend. Say u can't do dinner but it seems silly to still pay for the ticket and not go.

SapphireStrange · 20/07/2017 12:57

People are being very harsh and judgy. I don't think newly tight finances is 'no real reason' and I'd understand if a friend cancelled on me and said 'I'll pay for the ticket, of course, but I just can't stretch to the train or dinner too.'

I will say, though, your clingy DD on her own doesn't strike me as a good reason to cancel.

robinsongyal · 20/07/2017 12:58

Yabu!
I'm sure your 2 year old will be fine, can you still leave them with your dad? If not is there anyone else you can leave them with?

BewareOfDragons · 20/07/2017 12:58

Leave your DD with your dad and go to the theatre. Tell her you can't afford dinner, so can you have a picnic before the theatre?

Slimthistime · 20/07/2017 12:59

you forgot you owed your mate £40, that's poor.

if you can't get childcare, that's one thing, but you need to bust a gut to sell the ticket so your mate gets her £40. Doing a call out on Twitter might help. Is it a show that's in demand?

I only pay people back later if I am going to see them very soon, otherwise I would have sent the money. You agreed to go, you must pay her. If things are that tight and you can't sell it on, ask her for a few weeks' grace.

Northernpowerhouse · 20/07/2017 13:00

Agree, either explain to your friend about extra costs and see if you can negotiate cheaper meal/ travel. Failing that offer her the ticket to give to another friend but you pay. If the other friend then offers you something towards it all well and good but not to be expected.

The problem with you finding a replacement is that they won't necessarily know the original friend. Depends how much your friendship groups overlap I suppose.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 20/07/2017 13:03

"Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance"

You've had a year to save up for the ticket, travel, and meal, and to organise a babysitter.
You forgot about it. These things happen but it's going to be difficult to explain this convincingly to your friend, who will probably think you're being flakey.
All you can really do is pay your friend for the ticket and hope she understands.

Jenala · 20/07/2017 13:05

I think it's fine to cancel since you're paying for the ticket. If another friend is also going she won't be left alone.

That being said you might find it does you a world of good. I often find when my 2 year old is being quite clingy I dread leaving him and actually we both have a great time.

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