Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel on my friend last minute?

94 replies

andshewillbeloved · 20/07/2017 12:19

Last year my friend booked tickets to go to the theatre with me and her other friend. Since we booked things have changed a lot and money is really right at the moment. The show is in a week and the tickets are £40 - she said I could pay her on the day. As well as the money I would have to leave dd for the day who is really clingy with me and would probably be upset if I went off for the day.

I hate cancelling but for the reasons I've mentioned I can't see how I can go. Am I being a bad friend?

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 20/07/2017 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tokelau · 20/07/2017 13:06

I think you should tell her that you can't afford to go, but you should pay her the £40 she has already paid for your ticket, and see if she wants to invite one of her other friends instead. At least that way she is not out of pocket.

Bluntness100 · 20/07/2017 13:07

I think it's really poor form to not pay her for the tickets before now. Etiquette is you should have given her the money immediately. Cancelling might not make you a bad friend, but sticking her with the cost of your ticket for the last year does. Transfer her the money today.

OhhBetty · 20/07/2017 13:07

How were you planning to get there if not by train? Will the train be more expensive than your petrol and parking for example? If not you could drive there and just go for the show then leave after? No need to go to dinner.
However, I believe if you had already forked out 40 quid of your own money you wouldn't have forgotten about it.
I wouldn’t fall out with you or anything if I were here. But I wouldn't be inviting you to things in the near future, especially without payment. I don't have a lot of spare time so don't really have time for flakey friends.

welshweasel · 20/07/2017 13:09

So long as the other friend is going, and you arrange to transfer the money for the ticket immediately, I think you can cancel, but it would be better if you go but miss the planned dinner.

Serialweightwatcher · 20/07/2017 13:12

Are you sure it's all these reasons really and not just that you don't feel like going so much? If you do feel like it, there are ways round the other stuff - maybe she will take money in instalments and maybe your dad or someone could help you out for dinner/train etc to pay back another time and look after 2 year old which won't do them any harm. If you really don't feel like going, tell her you're sorry but you don't feel like it and you will give her £40 that she laid out.

Botanicbaby · 20/07/2017 13:12

How can a house move be unexpected?

Of course a house move can be unexpected, people's circumstances can change - leaving a partner, illness, job, anything.

OP I don't think you'd have forgotten until a week to go either had you forked out your own money for this ticket.

Clingy DD sounds like a lame excuse.

If you truly value your friend, pay up for the ticket asap and apologise that you can't join the night out. I'm sure your friend was looking forward to going as a group with your company too. Be prepared to lose friends if you cancel on them last minute too.

ARumWithAView · 20/07/2017 13:16

Your friend booked this a year ago and paid for your tickets up-front. She's obviously keen to see this show, or it's a special occasion.

You forgot about the event and haven't booked your train yet, probably making it a lot more expensive. It doesn't seem like you cared much about this in the first place.

I hate this! People saying yes to things they're not all that keen about, and then ducking out at the last minute with very, very weak excuses, and acting like it's a human rights violation if they're called on it. Things might be difficult, but if you wanted to go, you'd have found a way (booked super cheap advance tickets, found a Groupon deal for food, anything) or been honest ages ago and given your friend fair warning you might not make it.

Even if you repay the ticket cost, you've still messed someone around and put a downer on something they've been looking forward to for a year. Just go.

Original poster
andshewillbeloved · 20/07/2017 13:18

We take it in turns to buy tickets and we've always paid each other on the day of the event. That's really not the issue here.

And yes the house move was unexpected, my landlord decided to sell up when I was in a bad state financially and shortly after dds dad left. So yes dd is clingy and to be honest I'm clingy with her too. She's all I have and it worries me when I have to leave her with other people.

OP posts:
HorridHenryrule · 20/07/2017 13:18

Don't go to dinner meet them at the theatre I doubt she will grumble at that.

Serialweightwatcher · 20/07/2017 13:19

In that case, tell your friend the truth - she has got someone else to go with, so not preventing her from going and she will get over it

HorridHenryrule · 20/07/2017 13:20

You need a night out ask to borrow money from your dad if you can. I am sure they will understand your situation if you explain it to them.

BeepBeepMOVE · 20/07/2017 13:22

You're obviously not going by the fact you said you were originally going to ask your dad. That means you haven't asked him even though friend mentioned it to you last week.

It's not very nice to be let down by friends, I bet she was looking forward to it.

2 year old should be able to cope without you for an evening, surely you don't spend all day every day with her?

OhhBetty · 20/07/2017 13:22

I know this isn't the point of the thread but it isn't healthy or in your dds best interests to be that clingy to each other. You say she's all you have so maybe it's time to invest in other relationships such as with your friends and family members too. I get it though as a single parent to a 2 year old!

Loopytiles · 20/07/2017 13:23

Poor form to cancel even if you pay (which you definitely must do asap) but as long as you pay and it's a one off your friend will probably just get on with it.

Suggest you address your over anxiety / clingyness about your DD: not good for you or her.

Loopytiles · 20/07/2017 13:24

The sooner you let her know the sooner you and your friend can see if you can sell the ticket to someone else.

Shoxfordian · 20/07/2017 13:26

It's bad form to cancel now

I think you should go

londonrach · 20/07/2017 13:27

Dont go if you cant leave dd BUT you still have to pay for ticket even if you didnt go.

Donttouchthethings · 20/07/2017 13:29

Tell your friend the truth and make sure she's got someone to go with and isn't out of pocket. Apologise sincerely.

These things happen.

Italiangreyhound · 20/07/2017 13:31

Skip dinner, explain you cannot afford it.

Can you child stay with her dad, are you parenting in a couple? If not and you cannot leave your child you will just need to pay for the ticket.

I am guessing if you do this again your friend will ask for the money up front, a firm reason to do this each time.

MrsPringles · 20/07/2017 13:32

I'd be pretty pissed off if my friend did that to me, even if you pay for the ticket.

ThePants999 · 20/07/2017 13:34

Ask her to try to find someone else to go with her (who'll pay for the ticket). If she can't find anyone, you should still pay for the ticket whether you go or not. It would be totally unreasonable to leave your friend out of pocket for your mistake.

justforthisthread101 · 20/07/2017 13:34

I'd be pretty pissed off with you. And using your DD is not a particularly good excuse to be honest. All two year olds are clingy.

Bluntness100 · 20/07/2017 13:39

It's not Healthy for you or your child to be clingy, it's storing up problems for the future, she will need to go to school, nursery, whatever. She's not all you have, as clearly you have friends and family.

Honestly for both your sake you need to not encourage that dynamic.

melj1213 · 20/07/2017 13:41

Why not just talk to your friend?

"Hey friend, I know we have plans to go to the theatre next week but with all the shit I've had this year money is tighter than I thought right now. I'm more than willing to pay for my ticket but I don't think I can afford the whole night out - with dinner/train tickets as well as the show ticket it's just beyond my budget right now. If you want to try and sell the ticket on to someone else then that's fine and if you can't I'll pay for it. I'm so sorry for the late notice but I've been trying to make it work and I just can't right now."

My friends and I regularly do the same thing as you, one of us books tickets and the other will pay the buyer back later ... but occasionally something will come up and the payback is a bit late. If the friend that owes the money is straight with the other person then it's usually not a problem (unless the buyer was relying on that money and had made it clear they needed it by a specific date) for them to pay it back later/in installments but if they just don't say anything till the last minute then it is a problem.

Swipe left for the next trending thread