AIBU to 'veto' this holiday?

[angstybaby]

DH loves his holidays. he's having one in september on his own and we're all going off for 6 weeks in next summer. Neither will be cheap. Now he wants another 2 weeks at xmas.

This would be fine if we could afford it. his idea of being able to afford something is 'i can get credit to pay for it'. mine is 'do you have the money in your current account?'. we have separate accounts and split the bills between us though in a very haphazard way and sometimes, he'll be overdrawn at the end of the month.

he thinks i'm being a kill joy and that it is unreasonable that i essentially get to veto his choices because i hold the negative position. last night we had a row and he walked off, saying he was going to book the holiday. FYI we both work FT and I earn 80% of what he does so holidays are paid for by both of us.

how on earth can i get us on the same page financially? or should i just give up and opt for completely separate finances (which I know would mean that he takes the kids on holiday without me. being separated from them - they're all under 7 - would be heartbreaking for me)? we've always seen our finances as shared but we have such differing ideas. i worry that if we split our finances, he'll spend as much as he does now and i'll still have to bail him out because we share a mortgage, etc.

help!

Does your DH have any kind of pension? If not, it is likely that if you divorce he would be able to claim half of yours. I think it is worth getting some financial advice about the best way to protect yourself.

DH has just sent me a full break-down of his salary, taxes, contributions, future pay raises, etc.

i'm gobsmacked (not because it's terrible, BTW but because he's done it). i couldn't have done it without you - thank you!

I can't believe that he's happy to continue racking up more cc debt while you're left paying off the last lot.

Good work, OP.

If you want to get serious about it (& I bet your DH would like this too) put what you're spending on debt repayment per month into a savings calculator over nine years, and see what compound interest will do for it. When you see what you're losing in opportunity cost servicing the debt, I think the motivation for paying it off quicker will come.

Can you get the 9 years down? Presumably you're switching credit cards to zero interest? When you say you've good incomes sorry to be nosy but what's your disposable income? It seems he's been paying the minimum but you can't get debt free like that. You have to tighten belts and address it - or rather he does as you seem to have your head switched on. Sorry, I don't mean to be nosy but I recently had £20k debt. I earned £70k last year and mortgage is £1k a month. I paid the £20k off in a year. I don't mention this to say how wonderful i am but to show it is possible. I've an old banger though, didn't take a holiday, worn my kids' cast off socks etc to do this. He's the one that needs to change his attitude towards it as, as someone pointed out, anything can happen.

As NoSquirrels says, if you were to get some online calculators and show him how much quicker you could pay it off by perhaps overpaying £300 a month it might hit home - you could be debt free in 6 years instead. Would £300 a month be possible by tweaking your lifestyle - no takeaway every week, perhaps every month, that type of thing?

Good to hear OP

Go to MoneySavingExpert.com. On the Debt Free Wannabe part of the forum, they have budgeting tools etc. It usually makes sense to pay off the debts with the highest interest rates, first. Also, swap debts to 0% credit cards and try to get them paid off before the rates go up, or swap to other 0% cards.

Make a budget, including amounts for personal spends, birthdays, haircuts, clothes and emergency savings. It's important to have emergency savings to stop you having to use credit when the boiler/white goods/car etc, stops working. MSE has a link to a budget sheet to fill in.

MSE also has good information on the best savings accounts and how to get the best deals for utilities.