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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being called 'flower' by a professional male is not on?

122 replies

Elendon · 19/07/2017 14:52

So I'm getting quotes for work being done to my house and one man, who is a professional in his trade, kept calling me 'flower' over the phone. He's coming tonight to assess the work needed doing, and to be honest, he's my only hope in getting the work done.

Do I just smile and nod?

OP posts:

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 19/07/2017 15:06

Nothing wrong with it duck.

gamerchick · 19/07/2017 15:06

I rarely hear pet anymore. Only by people over 50. I like that one.

Original poster

Elendon · 19/07/2017 15:07

Oh MrsOverTheRoad now thanks Petal sounds great. In fact Petal is a non gendered name to give to people where I come from. Thanks. I may skip Buttercup and Bonny Lass if you don't mind

OP posts:

WonderLime · 19/07/2017 15:07

I with MrsOverTheRoad on this one. Just keep calling him a term of endearment back. Something feminine and floofy.

MapMyMum · 19/07/2017 15:08

I know a workman who calls all women pet and all men mate because he is awful at remembering names

coddiwomple · 19/07/2017 15:08

All these awful "flower", "petal", "sunshine", etc names are just microaggressions that males like to use to attempt to assert their dominance over women.

there's always one! MN bingo ticked.

TheNaze73 · 19/07/2017 15:08

YANBU, it's disrespectful.

My pet peev is being called "buddy"

HipsterHunter · 19/07/2017 15:08

All these awful "flower", "petal", "sunshine", etc names are just microaggressions that males like to use to attempt to assert their dominance over women.

No really, in Sheffield men call other men Love / Flower / Petal!!!!!

Original poster

Elendon · 19/07/2017 15:11

I actually do need this work done. So I do want his professional services (not a Carry on reference).

I'm just going to smile and nod. (And wear my old track bottoms and t-shirt)

OP posts:

CremeFresh · 19/07/2017 15:12

A male college used to call everyone 'flower' , it became his nickname and we all called him Flower.

I have no aversion to being called Love, Flower ,Pet etc and I don't read anything into it but everyone's different.

SummerMummy88 · 19/07/2017 15:12

I live in the north west too and hate terms like 'Love' and 'Flower' but these older men don't mean any harm, it's just an old tradition that will die out soon enough. If you are really offended by it I would tell them your bane and ask them to use that. I do agree it's very patronising but I just grin an bare it.

RhubardGin · 19/07/2017 15:14

He's on your twat radar and you're not looking forward to meeting him because he called you flower?

Yes you are being precious and you need to get a grip.

It's just a regional thing, there isn't anything behind it. It's just like love, duck, petal, lass etc

Honestly, some people will get their knickers in a twist over anything!

cricketballs · 19/07/2017 15:17

but these older men don't mean any harm, it's just an old tradition that will die out soon enough

Well I'm not an "older man" and the tradition of using these names is alive and kicking here duck

RhubardGin · 19/07/2017 15:18

All these awful "flower", "petal", "sunshine", etc names are just microaggressions that males like to use to attempt to assert their dominance over women

I use some of these phrases with men and woman all the time, I never realised I was subconsciously asserting my dominance over them!

There's always one...

HappyLabrador · 19/07/2017 15:18

I don't get why this would upset anyone. Is anything not offensive anymore?

Disrespectful? Ffs, maybe he's just being friendly.

Original poster

Elendon · 19/07/2017 15:22

But if someone called Theresa May 'flower' in an interview there would be an outrage (is really not the point I'm making).

I'm hoping he's old and doing this as a semi retirement sort of thing. I may faint if I find he's actually in his 20s/30s.

OP posts:

BogQueens · 19/07/2017 15:23

Call him 'petal' or 'princess' back, and if he looks surprised, tell him you thought you were on those kind of terms. Or tell him he's going to lose a lot of business if he can't tell the difference between someone he gets to use pet names to (toddlers, immediate family members) and someone he doesn't (total strangers on the phone that he's presumably hoping for business from). If he can restrain himself from calling a male caller 'darling', I'm sure if he really, really tries, he can manage it with a female one.

BloodWorries · 19/07/2017 15:25

I'm usually all for men and women being equals but on a trip far down south (I'm a northerner born and bred) I felt really self conscious being called 'mate' by people who were being polite.
I actually asked my DP if I looked like a man (ie clothing), before I was informed it was a gender neutral term in this area. I didn't like it, and although now don't worry so much if I'm looking rather butch that day it still catches me off guard.

I suppose as someone who does look quite manish (stereotypical anyway) I'm rather self conscious about it and would take flower, petal, pet, love, even buttercup over mate, dude, buddy etc anyway. So I guess I'm not as much about equality as I thought.

MikeUniformMike · 19/07/2017 15:25

I get called darling in shops. I don't like it.
It is usually by people whose first language is not English and who don't know me.

RhubardGin · 19/07/2017 15:25

I may faint if I find he's actually in his 20s/30s

Settle petal

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/07/2017 15:25

No different to when I lived in West Yorkshire and everyone called me love. I liked it a lot. I was at uni and it was the first time in a long time I'd been called nice names by anyone. I don't consider flower derogatory. Far better than the awful awful names I was called by my mother and brother. I think there is a lot worse out there than being called flower but I can understand your annoyance.

ravenmum · 19/07/2017 15:26

I get the feminist side too, but ... we had a cashier at Tesco that called my ex "Captain" and my daughter "princess" and you could tell it was just part of his patter, a funny persona he put on because basically being a Tesco cashier would be bloody boring as hell otherwise.

Original poster

Elendon · 19/07/2017 15:26

I'm not offended by it (well, it grates) but I just find it weird when it's in a professional setting.

OP posts:

DerelictWreck · 19/07/2017 15:27

In Sheffield Flower and Pet are totally OK

Born and Bred Sheffield here and never ever heard anyone called flower or petal!

The occasional pet, more often love, usually a name if they know it.

Rachel0Greep · 19/07/2017 15:28

Some people have a habit of doing it, and I don't take any notice, in that case. A driver in a taxi company I use as a habit of saying 'my love' ... I don't think he even knows that he says it. Doesn't bother me.
I was staying in a hotel once where a young girl working in the dining room was calling me 'sweetheart' as in 'now sweetheart...there you go sweetheart'... I asked her nicely to just call me by name.

I think it was something she had picked up from listening to the receptionist, who was a lot older, and prides herself on 'schmoozing' the guests... (Minor rant)
In this case OP, I would wait and see. Could be habit, on his part. If it's a pain, just 'petal' and 'honey' him right back.

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