Other children attacking my toddler

[ChangeCat]

She seems to attract bullies! Playgrounds, the beach, soft play... they think I'm not looking then push her over, refuse to let her on equipment or throw sand or water in her face. Last week a boy threw a rock at her, I told him off but she was scared by then and wanted to leave.

She's sociable (if a bit shy) and approaches them expecting a friendly reaction. She doesn't push in or take things, she waits her turn for the slide etc. They sometimes play with her a bit then try to hurt her At the top of the slide the bigger kids try to push her out of the way so they can go first!

She's just two and these children are usually 3-4 year olds. They seem really aggressive for no reason!

How do I stop this and give her confidence?

My DD would probably ignore your DD as she is 3.5 and plays with who she wants. If some random kid came up to her and her friends playing, especially if said child were younger, she'd ignore her or tell her to go away because I'm not teaching her that she has to play with everyone especially if the child is younger and will struggle with interaction.

At your DDs age I'd either hover (to deal with nasty kids) or take a friend along so she doesn't have to get involved in what are often established friendships.

Your friends DD is gentle with your DD because she has a pre established relationship, to her she's not just some annoying random younger kid who doesn't realise it's unacceptable to pick up other people stuff and their mother is too far away to intervene and stop them taking said stuff.

What do you think is age appropriate behaviour for a 3-4 year old? Is it acceptable to throw rocks at toddlers, kick them, shove them over, pour sand over their heads and generally hurt them because they're smaller and weaker?

It's never acceptable but it does happen when a smaller child 'interferes' with their toys/games. That's why you need to stay close to your dd. They are all small children who are learning the socially acceptable rules of play.

It's what my Gran would have called 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.'

'What do you think is age appropriate behaviour for a 3-4 year old? Is it acceptable to throw rocks at toddlers, kick them, shove them over, pour sand over their heads and generally hurt them because they're smaller and weaker?

My friend's 3 year old is very gentle with DD, she looks out for her and helps her climb the nets in softplay. She gets possessive over toys sometimes but there is no physical violence.'

You're confusing 'acceptable' with 'age-appropriate'. 3 & 4 year old children have poor impulse control. Therefore some (not all) will hit and push. That is just how it is. It's normal childish behaviour (I've already acknowledged that throwing rocks seems extreme.)

But no, it's not 'acceptable' behaviour in that whoever is with them should be intervening if they do hit/push etc, they shouldn't be left to run riot without a word from their carer.

As to your friend's child (a) as someone already mentioned your dd is known to her so it's not comparable and (b) different children have different temperaments.

Imagine what the mum of a 4 week old PFB thinks when looking at your toddler. Huge, scary, disobedient and in your face? Probably. That is exactly what you are doing when looking at these scary 4 year olds. Your own PFB will be that 4 year old soon enough. And you will then be shocked at the 10 year olds. And when she's 10 you'll worry about the teenagers.

Op if your dd is 99th percentile then you know why- it's because the average height 3/4 yr old will just assume she is their age rather than being younger, because she'll be as tall as them.