To want to shout 'It is blatantly obvious you're having an affair' to the couple opposite me on the train

[BoysofMelody]

And if I've figured it out within 20 minutes of sitting opposite you on a train, with all the furtive hand touching and stolen glances, your work colleagues will almost certainly know you're carrying on. Get better at being discrete or keep it in your pants.

On the plus side, I forgot to bring my book with me and watching this play out is terrific entertainment.

Like our neighbour who's boss comes round every morning before work, then random afternoons (but rarely evenings) & they shut the blinds in her lounge!! But apparently they're just friends!!!
Seems he now has a front door key too & I also saw them at the doctors together (he even went in on the appointment!)

I think I'd prefer to overhear a "calling off the wedding" call than have to watch people being touchy-feely.

I would be on the agog bench for calling off a wedding

Alas I am pretty busy today, plus I've left my tribly, trench coat and newspaper with eye holes cut out at home, so I'm ill prepared for any surveillance operation.

What kind of lines are they using, just encase my DH and I want to play at being bored adulterous office workers?

Many years ago I was trit trotting my horse down a quiet country lane, when I approached a large executive car parked at the side of the road. On the front seat sat a businessman... and on his lap a lady in activewear!

I slowed down to a walk and with the benefit of a peaked hat and sunglasses as disguise made it quite obvious I was looking at them.

I've never seen so much squirming in my life!

Perhaps you could start a conversation with them. "Aww always nice to see people who are still happy in their relationships, how long have you been together?" .

Years ago my eXH went to the pub after work and when he got back he said "there was a couple there who must have been having an affair," when I asked how he knew he said "well, he practically swallowed her head, but it was sort of desperate, as if they never get the chance normally." .

Equally I knew two parents on the school run years ago who used to stop for intimate chats every morning and it was blatantly obvious that there was chemistry between them. She ended up leaving her H not for him but for someone else....

I think you should lean over and with a lovely smile tell them how lovely it is to see a couple so much in love. Their reactions will tell you if it's illicit or not!

But why is it scandalous for a man in business-wear to have a liaison with a lady in active wear

A friend of a friend is a writer and used to spend a lot of time on trains, hotel bars and coffee shops seeking out people who might be being illicit with each other to observe for writing material.

I would be very tempted just before you get off to lean in and say 'Sorry, it's been bothering me for ages- I think I know your wife. Are you Tom?' And then see what colours he turns before you say 'oh really? You're not linda's wife? So sorry, my mistake'

I have bumped into people in random places, and overheard conversations by people working at companies I knew other people at. It's a surprisingly small world, and amazing how many people honk public transport is anonymous

Kpo it is the usual mundane chat about colleagues, work procedures etc. The verbal back and forth is hardly worthy of Simone du Beauvoir and Jean Paul Sartre.

She has got so much perfume on I can taste it, he's muscley and fat at the same time, spent ages working on his abs and arms and nothing else who he's really top heavy with a paunch. Can't say I fancy either of theirs much.

Witnessed similar in a pub when dh and I were having lunch one day

Stranger1 arrived, ordered a drink and asked for the menu
Stranger2 arrived and the pair of them did a whole "fancy seeing YOU here routine!" "oooh let's catch up...have you got time for lunch??"

They then ensconced themselves in the darkest corner and fed one another chips, felt each other up and whispered secretively and sat far too close together

Once done, they re-enacted the whole fake accidental meeting with "lovely to see you!" "what a coincidence!" "must do this again soon!"

The barman's eyebrows could not have been any more incredulous!

Re your update OP.

It's always those you least suspect. I've had my flabber well and truly gasted regarding the affairs that go on between parents and colleagues (and sometimes parents and colleagues!).

I love the indignation on this thread. It's as entertaining as the OP's post and updates.

I have an indentation on my ring finger at present - my rings are removed and I need my finger to recover before they resize them.

Me and my DH have just got back from holiday, he took his ring in to be cleaned and has a very visable tan line where it should be. We went out on Saturday night to a roof terrace cocktail bar and flirted and kissed in the corner before going inside for a meal....I wonder if people thought we were having an affair?!

I remember in my 20s I was in a park at lunchtime and saw 2 middle-aged people in office clothes kissing desperately on a bench. It was clear to me that they were having an affair and never got to go home together and this was the only time they could see each other. You could see the sadness in their faces as well as the joy and lust. I simply could not stop watching as they basically had sex with their clothes on. I went home and wrote a short story about it. I suppose I could have been wrong ...

I do like watching strangers and trying to work out things about their lives though in a non-stalky way

The charmers are out in force then

Sometimes its not even actions that give it away, just a vibe. I have seen similar things and just knew with no real evidence that the people involved were having an illicit liason. Its funny how you can pick up on these things.

I used to go to a pub with my newish boyfriend quite regularly. Not so much PDAs but we did only have eyes for each other. One of the bar staff asked if we lived together, so we said no. Next time we were in she made a massive show of talking to her colleagues about a couple she knew who were having an AFFAIR. Jo, if you're reading this it wasn't an AFFAIR, just a fairly new relationship.

I'm off the train now. Before I left the train, he bought her a KitKat from the trolley. He must be bloody dick daft the prices they charge on the train.

My mother used to meet my dad for lunch sometimes at a small Italian restaurant. She'd arrive in her car, and he in his, and they'd leave separately. They found out after a months that the staff thought they were having an illicit affair...they thought it was hilarious.

The kitkat clinches it! No couple who share finances would treat each other to overpriced stuff like that! It would be sharing a kitkat that they bought with them :o

Cuckingfunt, since you're attacking someone else I reckon this is justifiable. It's throes, not throws. And you don't need question marks unless you're asking a question.

Sometimes you can just tell by the smallest things. I was in a car once with FIL and his work colleague who was driving us. He leant over and changed the gear and both me and DH thought - they are having an affair. Neither of us said anything, but we found out later they were

How do you know they are not married to each other?

Unless he was canoodling her whilst also talking about his wife. Which would be very odd.