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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child's modelling fees

88 replies

Newnameoldface · 18/07/2017 23:19

So. DD (6) has been booked quite frequently as a child model..her fees go into an account and she has around £9000 in there and no signs of her bookings drying up. I also have an account for her I save her child benefit (so £20 a week for 6.5 years) plus her pocket money of £5 a week and any money gifts she gets..this account is another almost £9000

I'm a very struggling poor single mum and can't afford holidays..dd is obsessed my idea of going to Paris; Eifel tower, Loivre, boat trip down the river (and Disney). Would I be completely out of order to pay for some of it out of "her" money?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 19/07/2017 00:16

Not sure why her being "incredibly clever" is in any way relevant?

My daughter is prett average academically - I still do her homework with her, and take her to activities. She's even been to Paris Hmm

How old are you that you:

  • don't tell your mum that you don't share her opinion
  • or at least do a "mmmmm-hmmmm" and not tell her you're not saving the money?
WhichJob · 19/07/2017 00:21

Ellisandra, I think the OP was just keen to point out that the focus is not on modelling and that her DD has a well rounded life.

WyfOfBathe · 19/07/2017 00:21

I wouldn't touch her wages, but the child benefit money is not hers. It's yours, to help with the costs which come with having a child, so you're free to spend it as you want. If you can afford it, choosing to put some of it in savings is a nice idea but of course you can spend it on nappies or holidays!

Shadow666 · 19/07/2017 00:22

I think the OP was making the point that it's not all about the child's looks. She is also supporting her academically.

Ontheboardwalk · 19/07/2017 00:23

I'm with everyone else, use the CB stash for the holiday and get it paid into your account going forward. It's up to you how it's spent.

I would suggest waiting a year or two to take her on her dream holiday. I went on a big holiday aged 7 but don't remember it, I wish I'd been a bit older. Saying that I don't remember last week most of the time so it might just be me.

ShoesHaveSouls · 19/07/2017 00:26

Child Trust Fund is "her" money. (do they still get that?)

Child Benefit is for you to spend on the family, or save, however you see fit. Don't let your mum guilt you into not spending it now.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/07/2017 00:28

Did your parents give you the child benefit they got for you? I am guessing not as you would have mentioned it. Or did they give you a deposit or lump sum towards something that was saved from "your" CB?

If they had saved yours then their opinion could be explained by the fact that they did it so thinks everyone does/should. But if they didnt then that proves even further that they are wrong and are simply being horrible.

Why do you allow them to treat you so badly? Next time they ask (and they will....."where did you get the money for your holiday from?") then either say its none of their business, or if you are not brave enough to stand up to them then simply say "I saved up". And think about why you allow them in your life when they treat you so shabbily.

JigglyTuff · 19/07/2017 00:30

Your 6 year old does violin, swim, ballet, tap, theatre craft,jazz, horse riding, surfing and gymnastic lessons plus has a modelling career and you do literacy and numeracy with her?

Gosh. What a busy little girl she is.

Ellisandra · 19/07/2017 00:32

Hmmmmm. OK - I get your point about modelling not being the only focus. I think OP couldn't have just said she enjoyed her schoolwork and she supported her in that too - the "incredibly clever" comment seemed a bit OTT to me!

Lynnm63 · 19/07/2017 00:32

Never thought of that Pyongyang. OP you need to ask your Mum for your 18 years of Child Benefit as she wouldn't be so two faced to insist you save yours for dd whilst spending the money she got for you surely. Grin

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/07/2017 00:32

And to the PP being catsbum about the child modelling....stop being so bloody judgey! If the DD enjoys it and is earning herself a nice sum for adult hood then why the hell not?! I have a school friend who did a lot of modelling, you would probably recognise her from some TV ads from the late 70's/early 80's. She carried on doing bits and bobs of modelling until her early twenties as it put her through Uni and is now a successful professional in a career that certainly does not judge on looks.

Lynnm63 · 19/07/2017 00:34

Elisandra I think op may have been responding to my comment where I said as long as she wasn't telling dd you don't need to study you're pretty then child modelling was fine. I think she was pointing out she was ensuring her dd was stretched academically too.

seasidesally · 19/07/2017 00:49

what is the point of pocket money if she cant spend any and dosent even see it

you dont sound it but you will need to declare these savings if you are on means tested benefit hb etc

TattyCat · 19/07/2017 00:51

Your mother is wrong.

Your daughter is doing too many activities. She ought to drop some because 9 activities plus modelling plus school is just too much.

That apart, I think life is too short and you really should give your daughter experiences. It doesn't matter if she 'doesn't remember them' as she ages; it's the here and now that matters.

This may be an unpopular thing to say, but what if something awful happened to your daughter and she was subsequently unable to enjoy going to different cities and places (it happens, after all)? What a bloody waste it might be to have money in the bank that can't be 'enjoyed'. By all means save, but you have a life to live too. So live it with her and give her those life enriching experiences.

TattyCat · 19/07/2017 00:53

Oh, and to those suggesting that child modelling is somehow wrong ... do you look at every advert or campaign featuring a child and tut ???

Children need to advertise children's clothes and toys!!

Atenco · 19/07/2017 00:59

You sound like a lovely mother OP, but you really need to work on your self-esteem. It shouldn't be all about your dd either.

Ellisandra · 19/07/2017 01:04

TattyCat you can't say that 9 activities is too many unless you've done extensive peer reviewed research as a psychologist AND met this individual child!

Some kids would be worn out by it and under pressure with no downtime, others still raring to go, having a ball and still having plenty of free time!

OP already said 3 dance classes are on the same day.

At one year older my child did 4 dance classes on a Saturday. It's not unusual for kids at that dance school to spend half of Saturday there - they love it! Mine dropped a class because she didn't like it after a while, and 2 of the remaining 3 were her idea in the first place. We do at least as many classes a week - all but swimming were her request. Still have loads of free time (violin for example is during school hours so it's only practice time 3x 10 mins a week) to slot in. We have 3 weekday and 2 weekend evenings completely free and never have any classes on a Sunday. Loads of free time.

TyrionLannisterforKing · 19/07/2017 01:41

YANBU. I agree with everyone else, using CB now would not only be expected but would also make your life a lot easier.

About the activities, as long as she enjoys them all I see no problem. Just watch for burn out.

So, ideas, assuming the trip would take place in the summer of 2018:

-Save pocket money. See if she agrees to get $10 a month in exchange for the trip. That's an extre $120 until next year. She gets to learn about saving AND bargaining!

  • Split the trip to split the costs. Do Eurodisney in 2018, and in a few years do the actual city of Paris (2020?). She will probably enjoy it more!
  • Ask if she would be willingly to spend part of her modelling money. Not for the whole trip, but a third or so.
Oswin · 19/07/2017 02:07

OP have you posted before about your parents? Favour your brother and are vile, well abusive really, to you?

You need to get them out your life. I don't say this lightly and I know it's not easy but it's the only way you and dd will have a happy life.

MakeMineaLargeWine · 19/07/2017 03:25

I think maybe you are trying to live your life through your daughter. Please focus on you for a bit, for her to turn out fab it's not all about clubs etc her biggest role model is you and if she sees you weak, particularly in regards to your parents, over time she will pick up on that. Focus on you for a bit, your daughter will appreciate that in the long run. Just because she goes to all those clubs will not necessarily make her a better person.
I'm speaking from experience here, I went to wayyyy too many clubs as a child and I just honestly wish my mum had just relaxed a bit. My childhood was spent in a car going from club to club, not great memories I can assure you. And of course spend the money! Can't believe you are even asking that it's yours to spend on your daughter in whatever way you see fit.

crashdoll · 19/07/2017 03:31

You sound like you are under immense pressure for everything to be perfect for your daughter and it doesn't have to be this way. Life can be chilling and watching cartoons after school eating wotsits, as much as it is violin lessons and trips to Paris. I wonder if your parents have got under your skin a bit too much. Chill, I'm sure you're doing a great job of being a mum. :) Flowers If you need the money, spend the child benefit on her. Don't struggle. If your parents ask, nod and smile. It's none of their business. It's between you and you.

GColdtimer · 19/07/2017 03:38

Why are you putting her pocket money away in a bank? Pocket money is for them to start having responsibility for their own spending and saving.

Definitely go to Disney using the money you have saved for her. I wouldn't touch the modelling money.

She does an awful lot for a 6 year old, could you cut back a bit to save a bit of money and time?

shakingmyhead1 · 19/07/2017 03:39

use the family benefit money, its for her upkeep and i guess a visiting another country is a good experience but dont touch the modeling money ever, as when she gets older she might have issues thinking she has x amount of dollars and finds out she has way less, many child stars find out when they get to legal age their parents/ managers have used the money and they very little left, creates huge rifts in the family

MargaretRiver · 19/07/2017 03:39

Yes, what did you do with all the Child Benefit your mother saved during your entire childhood for you ?

Or didn't she?

If not , feel free to copy her example

araiwa · 19/07/2017 06:00

Yabu- leave her money alone, particularly for your dream trip.

I would however stop using benefits for her savings and use them for day to day. Id also use her next paycheque to fund her pocketmoney