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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is she?

87 replies

Twilight05 · 17/07/2017 23:03

My husband is working overseas just now so I visited my sister and her husband for a few days. On one of the evenings, they invited some friends round for a small get together. These are also people I have known for years through my sister. One of the girls there has a particularly attractive husband and (please don't flame me for saying this) he is significantly better looking than his partner at first glance although I've always found his wife very warm to people, she has a lovely smile and she's very confident and so becomes someone that you'd be quite drawn to. Once getting to know them both, it's easy to see why there would be a strong mutual attraction between them.

Anyway. At the gathering I sat down at the table where a few others were sitting and was opposite her dh. He started up conversation and it moved onto sport. I love sport and have a few brothers who always had me out playing football, tennis and god knows what with them. Anyway, we were having a bit of sport related banter and his wife came over and basically stood behind him and started rubbing her hands all over his shoulders whilst staring at me. I feel this doesn't sound so bad and could have been innocent but I am confident this was her way of saying "he's mine". Now, I'm happily married and a mother of two young boys and have absolutely no interest in any other person, let alone her husband. They are quite a few years older and I found the situation intimidating. I'm visiting my sister again soon and dreading seeing her friend's because I now feel very awkward. Like I can't talk to him at all or she's going to have an issue.

Am I being too touchy with this? I have in some way done something wrong here without realising it? How should I react when I next see them?

OP posts:

Amd724 · 18/07/2017 12:55

I also don't know what the point of telling us that her husband is really good looking, but she has a great personality even though she's not as pretty. To me, it really didn't matter. I've seen people argue/fight over the ugliest men/women.

Dukesofhazzard · 18/07/2017 12:57

YANBU OP. The people I've see do this have always been absolute twats. She was marking her territory because she's insecure.

Original poster

Twilight05 · 18/07/2017 13:08

I've said this a million times, I know people fight over ugly people. The reason I said it is that I wondered if maybe this could possibly be a factor in her being insecure. It's a minor detail of the op, can we move on please.

OP posts:

Original poster

Twilight05 · 18/07/2017 13:12

Also ebaygum summed it up perfectly:

[I'd also add to all the people being so sanctimonious about comments in disparity in the levels of attractiveness that you are being naive. If there is a big difference in attractiveness, don't think the wife (a) won't have noticed it and (B) had "well meaning" people comment on it ("aren't you the lucky one"). Only the most hardened self confident people wouldn't have a shred of insecurity in that situation. It's naive to think that it's not likely there is a bit of insecurity there. Of course, there may not be but it's daft to pretend it's not likely. ]

OP posts:

Amd724 · 18/07/2017 13:18

Ok, back to the original point of the OP. I think you're overreacting. Just be an adult and ignore her reaction. Thats a problem with them, not you. Just continue to be as you are, there's nothing that can change that. I think you're being unreasonable for thinking this deeply about it? I'd have just rolled my eyes and probably forgot about it a day or so later?

Original poster

Twilight05 · 18/07/2017 13:19

I get a bit of social anxiety so appreciate your point amd and I need to just not even think about it anymore.

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 18/07/2017 13:28

Op, I'd stop fighting back at these posts. Using terms like ugly people really isn't helping and just making you look worse. I didn't think much of it at first but it's starting to look like it does matter.

You've had advice on how to deal with it so prob best to walk away rather than argue further and dig yourself a hole that will prob make you feel crap when you don't need to.

Original poster

Twilight05 · 18/07/2017 13:31

You're right middle

I was quoting a previous poster in that comment but I didn't make that clear. I'll walk away now. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:

Amd724 · 18/07/2017 13:34

OP I understand, I used to have severe social anxiety, and I still don't like big crowds. It was part of my overall anxiety, which has gotten worse as my pregnancy has progressed! I used to sit awake all night wondering if I said or did something wrong. Finally, I was sick of losing sleep and started a 'fuck this' attitude and I just stopped caring. It sounds selfish, but its quite helpful for long term care.

coddiwomple · 18/07/2017 14:56

fucking hate that as a woman you are unable to post about another woman possibly being worried about her husband potentially flirting with you/finding you atractive without it being YOUR fault.

You would have a point if the OP hadn't heavily insisted on the wife being "less attractive" than her husband...
If the story had been left at "I was talking to man, his wife jumped to angrily stare at me", it would sound a lot different than a long circumvoluted description of an unattractive wife, particularly attractive husband, tomboy OP who loves clothes and make up and is so much younger than them... Yes, we got it, the OP is much younger, much more attractive, at least in her own eyes. Jeez

Roussette · 18/07/2017 15:59

Twilight I totally get what you're saying and it's happened to me more than once, the only difference is... I find it laughable. Yes, his DW was marking her territory good and proper.

I was at a party once ... about 60 there, and there were some guys that a girlfriend and I used to know back in our 20's (abut 40 years ago!) I was with my DH and at parties we tend to not spend lots of time together, we just mingle, not necessarily together. I was looking forward to catching up with them to see how life had treated them etc.

I could barely speak to the couple of guys I used to know without their wives either planting themselves between me and them, or doing what you've described - making a beeline for their husband and hanging onto him like a limpet, draping themselves over them, stopping conversation. TBH I find it pathetic. I've got a lovely husband of my own and don't want to get off with your husband thank you, particularly as he hasn't aged well, and mine has! Sort out your insecurities!

I got daggers all night, the two wives in particular blocking me speaking to their husbands in any way they could, totally proprietorial and ridiculous. TBH it made me want to flirt outrageously.

Twilight treat it as her problem, not yours and carry on as normal

ConstanceCraving · 18/07/2017 16:04

I wouldn't have been intimidated by but most probably thought she was a bit of a twat.

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