Soft play - WIBU?

[SomethingNastyInTheBallPool]

My DD(3) has hyperacusis. She can cope with some loud noises but finds high-pitched sounds really painful - she collapses on the floor with her hands clamped over her ears and can't move. To help her cope, we take ear defenders with us everywhere and whip them out at the first sign of trouble.

Yesterday, we went to a small soft play in a garden centre. We go there quite often because it's not usually too frantic. When we arrived it was a bit noisy, so out came the ear defenders and all was fine. It emptied out until it was just DD and another little girl, and they were having a great time. Then another girl, about 6, came in and started screaming at the top of her lungs. She wasn't shouting to attract anyone's attention, just screaming and screaming. My DD immediately crumpled.

I tried gently shushing the little girl, but this made no difference. In fact, she did it more and then looked at me to see if I'd noticed! Eventually, I went up to her and explained, very gently, that my DD finds screaming painful, which is why she's wearing those funny earphones, and it would really help if she could stop screaming. The little girl didn't say anything but the screaming stopped. Yay! And my DD picked herself up and carried on enjoying soft play.

My partner thinks I was being precious and shouldn't have said anything and that we should just have removed DD from the noise. I think it was perfectly fine to say something - after all, it worked and both children were able to enjoy themselves.

I don't think the world revolves around my DD and her disabilities - I understand that soft plays are noisy, and children tend to shriek when they're excited - but it didn't seem fair to have her day spoiled because another child was behaving with more than the normal (hellish) soft play levels of boisterousness.

Who is BU?

I think you would have probably been better mentioning it to the adult with her really.

I think a 6 year old can def be spoken to and be expected to stop screaming! Where was the adult in charge of her?

I would have, but the soft play is separate from the cafe bit, and I had no idea where or who the adults with her were.

imo The only person BU was the little girl's adult, not asking/getting her to stop screaming themselves - indoor area, indoor voices.

It sounds like the right approach from you for your daughter; it doesn't sound like the other girl minded and it would have been a shame to take your daughter out of the soft play area when there was only one little girl screaming. No one seems to have minded other than your partner

Definitely not being unreasonable!

I think you were perfectly reasonable. You didn't have a go at her. You just politely explained why you would like her to stop screaming and she did. I don't get this thing where no one can speak to anyone else's child. Wtf? It takes a village.

That's what I think, User. The little girl seemed supremely unbothered and my DD was able to carry on playing. Result!

Your DH. You explained calmly to the little kid what the issue was and she copped on and stopped shouting. Sounds like the parent didn't react - they were probably quite happy! I know with these things, it's sometimes hard to explain to your kids why they shouldn't do something that's possibly a bit antisocial but not actually against any rules - when someone else reacts or speaks to them, it's actually quite helpful, as long as it's friendly.

Thanks, everyone. I worry that I'm in danger of being a bit PFB because DD has a lot of issues, so it's good to hear that I really wasn't being unreasonable.

You were so reasonable!

Sounds like you did everyone a favour OP

Even though the end result worked for everyone how could or did you discern that the girl was intentionally screaming? It is possible that she could have had some degree of SEN which results in her screaming in environments with high stimulation.

As I said, I know it all ended well but you really did take huge risk there.

I don't get this thing where no one can speak to anyone else's child.

Nor do I!

OP, you were perfectly reasonable.

I tried gently shushing the little girl, but this made no difference.

That's the thing, some children on the spectrum can't be sushed, however gently you may have said it.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool, you have my utter sympathy,My son has it, and across the raod there are two sen chidren, and they scream and yell and screetch when they are outside,and sometimes it absolutely does him in and then he ends up having a meltdown, the mother never seems to tell them when they are screetching, he is also very phobic about the school fire alam going off, he curently has noise generators, but the ones he has at the moment hurt his ears and it looks like the audiologist has retired.

Next time I would look for an adult and tell them, or ask the child to show you where mummy is,because certain noises for our children must be like torture.

You were fine! Society needs to work together to help one another.

VladmirsPoutine, the child with hyercussis was not on the spectrum though? and can I say op incase you donot know, that hypercussis is linked too 99% of children on the spectrum.

I did consider SN but, between screams, the little girl was interacting in what seemed a normal way with the other child, and with her dad when he finally came to get her (after I'd spoken to her about the screaming).

My DD has multiple disabilities and is also going to be assessed for ASD (FML!), so it's very much on my radar.

Sympathies, Muckypup - our NDN's toddler is a screamer, which makes having our DD in the garden at the same time as he's playing outside tricky. I'm just praying he grows out of it!

If the screaming child had an sn which made it disastrous to be spoken to by another adult then she wouldn't have been unsupervised in a softplay.

why on earth would your DP be so spectacularly unsupportive?

You absolutely did the right thing and spoke to a little girl who listened to you.