Soft play - WIBU?

[SomethingNastyInTheBallPool]

My DD(3) has hyperacusis. She can cope with some loud noises but finds high-pitched sounds really painful - she collapses on the floor with her hands clamped over her ears and can't move. To help her cope, we take ear defenders with us everywhere and whip them out at the first sign of trouble.

Yesterday, we went to a small soft play in a garden centre. We go there quite often because it's not usually too frantic. When we arrived it was a bit noisy, so out came the ear defenders and all was fine. It emptied out until it was just DD and another little girl, and they were having a great time. Then another girl, about 6, came in and started screaming at the top of her lungs. She wasn't shouting to attract anyone's attention, just screaming and screaming. My DD immediately crumpled.

I tried gently shushing the little girl, but this made no difference. In fact, she did it more and then looked at me to see if I'd noticed! Eventually, I went up to her and explained, very gently, that my DD finds screaming painful, which is why she's wearing those funny earphones, and it would really help if she could stop screaming. The little girl didn't say anything but the screaming stopped. Yay! And my DD picked herself up and carried on enjoying soft play.

My partner thinks I was being precious and shouldn't have said anything and that we should just have removed DD from the noise. I think it was perfectly fine to say something - after all, it worked and both children were able to enjoy themselves.

I don't think the world revolves around my DD and her disabilities - I understand that soft plays are noisy, and children tend to shriek when they're excited - but it didn't seem fair to have her day spoiled because another child was behaving with more than the normal (hellish) soft play levels of boisterousness.

Who is BU?

Really don't see the problem. You politely explained to a child why it would help if they stopped screaming. I think it is equally ok to tell any child 'inside voices please' without further explanation. That is what is expected of people in the real world so they may as well get used to it!! I doubt SN children are allowed to screech like monkeys at school. My ds does not have SN but he still doesn't like being 'told off' by another unknown adult and gets cross and teary even if they say it nicely, but tough shit really. That's how you learn what is acceptable sometimes!

Penhacked, with some it is not really a question of being allowed to. Inside voices would have no meaning to my child. The OP though was reasonable in gently asking if she couldn't see a parent about.

*BigDamnHero
*
And, to be honest, most parents I know with kids with SEN would be there with the child ready to intervene etc. if necessary rather than off having coffee etc.

I really hope that wasn't aimed at my saying I don't need to hover around my kids and had the right to have a coffee. If it was, let me explain my comment further. I shall** not helicopter parent my child/ren. I have started to allow myself the luxury of sitting with a drink, and not being next to my child/ren at all times. I am however, still very, very present, and definitely more so than those chatting away or engaged with their phone.

Being an SN parent (for me, anyway) a very lonely life, and if I get the chance to have a cup of tea whilst they are entertained, I will jump at the chance, because these moments are very rare.

I think you were being very reasonable. It's good you approached her yourself and gave her to opportunity to be grown up about it on her own. Well done op

Rainbowduck, I'm so sorry if you thought my comment was an attack against you. I genuinely hadn't read your comment when I replied.

All I meant was that if a parent has left a child alone at a soft play centre I tend to assume the child will be okay with at least a small amount of interaction with others (e.g. another parent nicely asking them if they could stop screaming) because, in my experience, if that's not the case the parents stay with the child.

It genuinely wasn't meant as a criticism of parents who do go off for a tea or coffee.

You were fine OP.

I think moving somewhere else with your child or speaking kindly as you did to the other child about your child's issue would both have been fine ways to handle it.
FWIW my dc has asd and would have appreciated the clear account of why their screaming was upsetting your child and they probably would have made it their mission to make sure everyone else in the soft play was being quiet as well

SomethingNasty I don't see a problem with what you did. You explained it well to the child, they seemed to understand. It wasn't like you yelled at the child. I really think you asserted your DD's boundaries well and rightly so.

Even if the noisy child did have SEN, how would calmly and gently explaining the situation for your DD have harmed them in any way?

Isn't Hyperacusis technicallly regarded as a disability, therefore an SN also? So why should another child's SN trump the OP's DD's SN? I have noise sensitivity due to anxiety and when a child screams it really upsets me. I realise babies and children under 3 can't help it usually but when I see a school age child do it, i think there is no harm in their parents or another adult telling them to shush. I am too scared to do it myself tbh

DixieNormas Oh, Ok. I hadn't thought of that. I have adult friends on the spectrum and have even been told I may be on it myself but I have no experience of young children with it or those with severe forms.

I think you did a great job in that situation.

We deal with both noise sensitivity and ASD in this house and OP, I think you handled it spot on. Well done for standing up for your DC.

YANBU. I work with preschoolers and won't have screaming from them, even the ones with SN, let alone a 6 year old! Screaming is horrible.

I think you did a good thing by explaining to the little girl that sometimes other people have different needs and need some consideration.

It happened again today! A little girl just screaming for the hell of it. DD burst into tears and dropped her ice cream. So tempted just to stay at home.