To think there's no point in getting a job?

[WildBelle]

This will probably be long...sorry!

I have just graduated with first class honours from a very good university. I've been so focussed on studying for the last 4 years that I haven't really thought too much about what I'm going to do at the end of it, but now that time is here and I need to make some decisions.

I'm a lone parent of two dc, the eldest of which has ASD (fairly certain the younger one does too but not diagnosed). I have PTSD and depression, which means sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I can't get out of bed for days on end. My youngest DC is 7, and they go to different schools. I also have an elderly dog, who has never really had to be left on his own and if I do ever have to leave him for short periods of time, he becomes very distressed and cries pitifully until I get back.

I live rurally and there are quite literally no jobs around here. My childcare options are limited to 8am-6pm during the week, which gives me an hour max for commuting, which would be long enough to get me to a reasonably large town, which without putting too fine a point on it, is a bit of a shithole, with not many (if any) graduate job opportunities.

I've been self employed for the last 12 years, and my business is profitable but doesn't make anywhere near enough to live off without the support of tax credits. At the moment I work 16 hours a week, but could potentially work quite a lot more than that (I work from home and so easy to do when the kids are in bed).

I don't think working full time would be an option for me at the moment. I have the dc 100% of the time, and have very little other family support. If I worked full time, my DC would not be able to do any of the clubs or activities that they currently do, and God knows what I'd do with the dog. There are no doggy daycare places nearby, and to be honest I think he'd struggle going somewhere like that as he is such an old boy. My eldest would have to walk herself to school and back every day in all weathers (it's a considerable distance) and with her ASD it's enough of a challenge getting her to go to school at all. She's had two fairly long periods of time over the last two years where she's completely refused to go to school, and it was agreed by professionals that she should take some time out. I have no idea if/when this will happen again! I also think I have to be realistic about my own mental health, and I think jumping in at the deep end, into full time work, would be a bit much.

So the way I see it, I have three options:

1. Part time work. I found a job today which is £21k pro rata for 21.5 hours a week. It would be a push to get there (it's about 30 miles away) within the limits of my available childcare. I also did the maths and realised I would be worse off financially than I am now, receiving full housing benefit and tax credits, once I'd paid tax, travel expenses and extra childcare. And again, I have the problem of what the bloody hell to do with the dog.

2. Go back into education. I could apply to do a 1 year masters + 3 year Phd, and as I got a first I may be able to get a studentship, where they would pay me to do it (I think it's £16k a year). Not sure what I'd do at the end of it, but it might be a positive use of time whilst the kids are so reliant on me.

3. Carry on as I am. I am managing financially, though I wouldn't say we were well off by any means, with what I receive in benefits and what I earn from self employment. I could put more hours in and really try to get my business earning more. I would be much better off financially doing this, even on what I'm earning now, than being in part time work. But I would like to move away from welfare ultimately. I suppose the question is whether I do that now, even though it will leave me worse off and create all sorts of stresses around child and dog care, or whether I leave it for a while until the kids are a bit older and more independent.

Sorry, it's probably all a bit muddled, I am getting people asking me all the time what I'm going to do now I've finished uni and I get quite stressed out by the question because I really don't know what would be best.

quizqueen 'why should I work full time so you can work part time and claim benefits, take your kids to classes and stay home with your dog. The welfare system is so wrong

You haven't read the op post which lists her circumstances
People who spout off how their taxes pay someone's benefits at every opportunity in a way to sneer at them really are awful people

I am in a similar situation. I had to leave full time work outside the home to care for my sons (ASD and Mental ill health) and I work from home as a distance tutor.

Like you, work is insecure, but I make to enough to get by and, at the moment, I need to make sure my youngest is supported at least until I am sure he will attend college in September.
One of the problems with working from home and caring is social isolation. When my youngest is more settled (hopefully after September), I will take some part time work (anything) just to get out of the house. The extra money will be welcome and it would encourage both my sons to be proactive in terms of work.
Have you thought of studying part time for your Masters? You could then have a little more time to think about the PhD.

Maybe I am being naive but I think the PhD sounds like a good option.the world will look very different in 3 years time in terms of how your children are.

I think working will improve your confidence and give you opportunities

Or do the PhD

But the option of staying hone getting more isolated and removed from the job market shouldn't even be an active option to consider as that is your safety net if 1 and 2 don't work

There are also a lot of barriers u have up which I think you need to really explore to see what can be overcome and what cannot

It seems obvious to me that you should really put some more hours into your own business and try and get it earning more money. With both children at school you have a lot more than 16 hours a week available to you and you should use them.

Choosing self employment makes sense in your situation. Many mums I know would LOVE to be self employed! Choosing to stay on benefits is wrong though. As your business becomes more profitable there will be a period where any extra money goes on taxes. But to not do the extra work because of that is wrong. All of us who pay taxes essentially have part of our week where we are working 'for nothing' because those earnings are going to the government. We don't just throw our hands up and say 'what's the point'.

I have known people who have suffered from depression from the pressure of reading for a PhD. As much as studying something you love is wonderful, I worked in higher education for many years and see how enthused many people are you do need to think about what you would do with this.

Last time I was involved with interviews for an academic post well over a hundred candiates applied. As much as it saddens me to say I don't actually think you would end up using your PhD due to your limitations .

I would look in to professional qualifications and also part time work plus still running your business.

I think the OP would have to be Jessica Ennis to overcome some of the hurdles that some posters are suggesting.

The OP and her children have already overcome so much and had so much upheaval. Children who are on the spectrum, children who may struggle with change, children who have experienced domestic violence.

Moving house is stressful, it may mean a change of schools and moving away from the one person who is there to give support, however limited that is.

Finding a job which doesn't require shift work and where the employer is disability aware and is happy for the OP to be absent when she is unwell or needs to support her children, or attend medical appointments, often at short notice.

Finding appropriate wrap around care and school holiday care for children with ASD is not always easy or available.

Juggling all of this as a lone parent with fragile MH and little support is enough to destabilise a family. As for using Tax payers money the OP could be saving social services and the NHS a lot more by providing a stable and loving environment for her girls.

I think that while depression can prevent someone from working, it also should be taken into account that not working can cause depression. OP has managed a first class degree. That's brilliant. I think it would be a great pity if a life of potential ended up stalling.

Congratulations on getting so far.
The people I know dealing with past trauma, and making work work, all are self employed. And all in self employment that they can manage around their mental health problems. This may be the best way forward long term. Good luck.

i do feel a pressure to 'do something with my life', and I loved studying so much, having a focus was exactly what I needed. I'm feeling a bit lost now that's gone.

That is pretty normal so don't panic about this feeling. You have decades of work life in you. And the bests thing is you know that kind of work you would like to do. So it is just about planning really well and see where you will go.
I think the reason for your lack of planning after this degree you did was you having such a Karen number of constraints around you.
PhD is generally never anything that should be primarily seen as academic. We need to break away from this. PhD prepares you for being super efficient and super productive, no matter what field of work you choose afterwards.
Just remember that planning and then planning some more is the key here. The more you talk to people at your university, the better it is. You can also ask them to give you smallish problems to get a taste of what you will be doing. And most importantly, they can introduce you to a lot of their alumni and ex researchers who can really guide you well about what options you can have afterwards. Networking is the key here. Networking is what you do to land good jobs.