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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if people actually hate 'that friend'

61 replies

decadentdarling · 16/07/2017 18:20

A few threads on here have me paranoid.

Do married-with-children people secretly hate it when single, childless friends want to meet up?

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 16/07/2017 18:21

Only when they stop even being bloody invited just because they once had an occupied uterus.

roundtable · 16/07/2017 18:22

No. Not me. I'm sad I don't get to see my friend who is single and childless more often but she lives across the country.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 16/07/2017 18:22

About as much as single childless people hate it when married with children friends want to meet up.

acapellagirl · 16/07/2017 18:23

This is a very black and white distinction. I think 'dread' i the way you describe would be more to do with personality than marital or parental status

Hellagoodhair · 16/07/2017 18:23

I don't! I spent a lovely morning with an old friend, without the kids and it was wonderful! We went for a stroll and stopped off in a coffee shop that I wouldn't dream of taking the kids into! It's nice to have someone that I can just be myself with ;)

acapellagirl · 16/07/2017 18:24

And what age does single childless become an issue? 20? 30? 40? 50?

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 16/07/2017 18:24

Some people with children never want to go out but if they do it has to be 'child friendly' never anything remotely adult. I'm so glad those days are behind me.

BouncyHedgehog · 16/07/2017 18:26

Depends what you mean. If you mean 'single childless friend wants to meet up with married with kids friend' is lovely and no problem. 'Single childless friends want to meet up together without asking married with kids friend' then that's utterly shit.

Saiman · 16/07/2017 18:27

The only single childless friend i dont like going out with is the one who expects me to drop everything last minute to do something. I get that she doesnt get that i cant just do that, but its annoying when she still expects it when you have explained a bit of notice would be better.

Ecureuil · 16/07/2017 18:31

Err... no? I'm not really sure what you mean to be honest. Why would I hate it if a friend wanted to meet up with me, regardless of whether they were married or single?

Original poster
decadentdarling · 16/07/2017 18:46

Just that some people seem to view it/them as a nuisance and a failure in some way.

OP posts:
Saiman · 16/07/2017 18:50

Why would a single, childless friend be a failure?

I chose to have kids. Doesnt make me anymore successful than anyone else.

I am sure some people with children, think that having kids makes them superior. Some married people think being married makes them superior.

But i have known a few single people who think that being single makes you superior.

My personal opinion is that feeling superior to someone else says more about you than the person you are looking down on.

Most married people or people with kids do not think their single, childfree friends are failures

Original poster
decadentdarling · 16/07/2017 18:51

That's good to know but you see it on here (and sometimes in RL) a bit

OP posts:
Branleuse · 16/07/2017 18:53

I don't understand. Why would someone being single and childless be a problem?

BouncyHedgehog · 16/07/2017 18:54

If anything IRL I've only ever come across the opposite. Had a friend who immediately dropped me as soon as I got pregnant. She did the same to all her friends as she hated kids and thought people with them were 'boring'.

Saiman · 16/07/2017 18:57

As i said. Some people will think like that.

But before they had kids or got married those people eould have thought they were superuor for a whole other set of reasons. Thats down to the person. Not their marital status.

Honestly i am happyily married and have 2 fab kids. But having kids, getting to know what to do, making mistakes etc can make you feel like the worlds biggest failure. When you have difficult time in your marriage you can feel like a failure.

Even when stuff is going great, sometimes i wish all 3 of them would piss off and give me some peace. Grin at that moment i envy single friends who have just posted, on fb, they have gone back to bed to read and staying thereall sunday afternoon. That feels like success to me Wink

GreenRut · 16/07/2017 19:01

Two of my best and oldest friends are single and childless and it's quite nice to go out and not talk about children!

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2017 19:06

No, not at all. I have three good friends who are single, two divorced, one never married, it's totally and utterly irrelevant.

NomDePlumeReloaded · 16/07/2017 19:07

Most of my friends don't have children, so I'd be stuffed if it was the case.

Sn0tnose · 16/07/2017 19:16

I think that if you're seeing it in real life, you need to consider whether you still want to be friends with these people.

I'm childless and there is no possibility of me having any in the future. My friends are a mixture of parents of adult children, teenagers, 5-12 year olds and those currently having their first children. I do consider the places I go with them (some really struggle to get babysitters, so find it much easier to meet up during the day) but we accept each other's circumstances and choices.

emmyrose2000 · 17/07/2017 02:25

I'm married with children. My friends are a mix of singles with no children, married with no children, single/divorced/widowed with children, married with children.

Their marital and/or parental status makes no difference to our relationships. Their personality is the deciding factor in our friendships, nothing else.

Ilikecheeriosyum · 17/07/2017 17:32

Absolutely not.
I love seeing my friends who are parents and I'm always happy to accommodate children (furbabies even) when we meet, if it means seeing them I'll happilly make it happen.

However I do not like it when the conversation is dominated by what precious baby is doing at that moment. Brilliant, let's spend some time talking about your family, and then lets share what's important to BOTH of us so its not one sided and boring.

Also parental friends who bugger off to baby groups never to be seen again because "what would you know? You're immature and you'll never know what real love and responsibility is" are just as bad as childless friends never inviting parental friends out or avoiding their families and expecting them to be able to lead a carefree life like before.

BogQueens · 17/07/2017 17:37

Where are you getting this from? Who sees single friends as 'failures'?

MrsJayy · 17/07/2017 17:42

I have a few childless friends why are people who are friends seen as failures?

lemondropcake · 17/07/2017 18:04

Yes I do.
My single friends all want to be spontaneous and come visit for a few days. I always have to try drill into them unless it's a weekend day where I am not working or have childcare issues then it's inconvienent.
They just want to spend time with me and potter about. In my mind I'm thinking about childcare, having dd in tow, the housework doesn't get done etc. It really puts me out.

I like a nice relaxed meal out and a few drinks one to one and that's it tbh.
I struggle with friends now. Work full time, tired after work and want to spend quality time with my family when I get a spare minute.