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I don't want to think about silly things like that

76 replies

WashedOutFromWork · 16/07/2017 11:39

We have a problem in our relationship, dp seems to think he's super intelligent and can't be thinking about "silly things" like what time to have dinner tonight.

So as not to dripfeed I have done all the cooking for the past 4 weeks! He hasn't done any.

The conversation went like this

Me "I'll make dinner and you make breakfast"

Him "ok, what're you going to make?"

Me "a roast"

Him "as long as it doesn't take over the time for our game"

Me "well, shall I make it for 5:30?"

Him snapping and getting angry "oh I don't know, I don't want to think about silly things like that"

Me "what do you mean? We were just discussing it..."

Him "I mean me, I don't want to think about those silly things"

I'm so annoyed, he is so self centred, anything I say is usually ignored and sighed off until he's ready to have a long lecture about some political thing and all these ideas he's had! I'm so fed up of it, like he's too important and smart to do anything around here or to even think about any of it!

Aibu to feel this way? Given what he said there, or did I read it wrong...

OP posts:
CoughLaughFart · 16/07/2017 13:08

Down tools and tell him if he's that bloody clever he can a) guess why and b) work out how he can pay for a maid to do it instead if he's too sodding intellectual to put the kettle on.

Jaxhog · 16/07/2017 13:12

So he's above such petty things as 'when to have dinner' is he? And you are not?

I'd let him put his mega brain into making his own meals for a while. If he complains (and he will) tell him that you have far too many important things on your mind ,to worry about whether he eats or not.

blueskyinmarch · 16/07/2017 13:12

What a dick he is. Your DH will soon have to start thinking about 'silly things' if you stop doing them for him, or even better, leave him.

I too am intrigued by the 'game'. What is this?

SlothMama · 16/07/2017 13:13

He sounds like a dickhead, don't cook for him let the genius make his own meals

provider5sectorzz9 · 16/07/2017 13:15

tell him that you have far too many important things on your mind ,to worry about whether he eats or not

AnyFucker · 16/07/2017 13:19

He despises you

Is that ok with you ? Is that the sort of relationship example you want to set for your kids ?

Puffpaw · 16/07/2017 13:20

Well his mega brain will soon stop working if he doesn't eat. Is he employed? What does he do?

blankface · 16/07/2017 13:31

Seen the Mental load mentioned, here's a link. Haver RTFT, apologies if it's been linked previously, I've not seen it if so.

OP, send him this, so he can decide how "silly" he is being because he won't help.

Patchouli666 · 16/07/2017 13:48

Laughing at emmaclit in the link above posted by blankface!

Op, is your dp's behaviour new? If so, it sounds like depression or bipolar to me. If he's always like this then he sounds awful and I'd be making him listen and talk and if he wouldn't then I'd consider finishing things. This isn't how you want your ds to think relationships should be!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2017 13:58

Perhaps he has a high IQ but his emotional intelligence is very low. And this is far more important than intellect

This ^

I worked in a (prestigious, northern) university, and one of the professors was brilliant - world famous for his research, in great demand everywhere, keynote speaker at many international conferences etc - but he would be down on his hands and knees crawling under desks and blowing bubbles in his tea if anyone had brought a child into the department for any reason. His own DCs adored him.

And although he was a Great Brain, he never made anyone feel stupid - students and staff alike could go to him about anything they had a problem with. He also had the gift of explaining very complex concepts in a way that could be understood by us ordinary mortals (however, he could barely cross the road on his own - but that's another story altogether Grin ). He was just a lovely guy.

I suppose the moral of the story is - a twat is a twat, even if he has a brain like Einstein.

blankface · 16/07/2017 14:05

Thanks Patchouli mmm you smell lovely Grin

OP, maybe this rather less interesting URL may help him see your perspective

SwissChristmasMuseum · 16/07/2017 14:05

Well, hang on a minute:
I'll make dinner and you make breakfast
Him - ok

That doesn't sound all bad.

TBH both my DH and I would get slightly irritated at being bombarded with questions by the other about things like this.

If you're doing something, make the decision about when to do it without getting bogged down in tedious discussions about it, like he probably did with the breakfast?

SabineUndine · 16/07/2017 14:21

By refusing to be bothered with 'silly' things, he is opting out of all the work involved in running the household. He's treating you like his housekeeper, in short. I'd point out to him that marriage is a partnership, and he doesn't get to choose to offload the things he doesn't feel like doing on to you. Because that's what he's doing of course. This is nothing to do with superior intellect, it's basic bone fucking idleness.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 16/07/2017 14:35

If my DH spoke to me like that I'd tell him he was an arrogant patronising wanker and I'd ask him why he felt so insecure he needed to belittle me.

Don't let him treat you like this.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 16/07/2017 14:54

You deserve better. This man has zero respect for you and that woman isn't your friend either.
In the same situation I think I would Get my affairs in order.

mrsroboto · 16/07/2017 15:35

TBH both my DH and I would get slightly irritated at being bombarded with questions by the other about things like this.

If you're doing something, make the decision about when to do it without getting bogged down in tedious discussions about it, like he probably did with the breakfast?

So... he stipulates it mustn't overlap with a certain time, yet she must decide when this is because she's not allowed a 'tedious discussion' of asking when? She literally asked one question, "shall I make it for 5.30" after he'd asked one question "what are you making".

Do you genuinely count one question as a bombardment? Perhaps your own communication skills need improvement...

WashedOutFromWork · 16/07/2017 15:56

Thanks all, seems you've all managed to figure him out quite well, I work 50 hours a week and home educate my son, as well as do a job on the side and the rest, he works 40 hours a week and earns 3x what I earn!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/07/2017 15:57

So ?

WashedOutFromWork · 16/07/2017 15:58

-@AnyFucker it was asked previously upthread...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/07/2017 16:02

I know you are answering a question but him outearning you is irrelevant. I outearn my husband but I don't treat him like he is inferior.

Puffpaw · 16/07/2017 16:05

I asked because I wanted to know if he had a high powered /highly intellectual job. If I had to guess I would say he is likely to be middle management, insecure about his position, skills and intellect and is taking it out on op. It's not fair and it's not your fault. He is behaving like a bully.

Puffpaw · 16/07/2017 16:06

But I think it come from wanting to feel important, everyone wants to feel important, few are prepared to put in the work to actually be important.


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Puffpaw · 16/07/2017 16:08

Yes I wasn't asking for salary details. I have outearned my dh for most of our time together. He is much cleverer than me, better qualified and harder working!

allegretto · 16/07/2017 16:17

I wonder what he does that means he has no time for anything else? If it's not lookin for a cure for cancer or world peace he needs a kick up the arse!

BobbinThreadbare123 · 16/07/2017 16:20

My XH believed he was cleverer than me, and had this attitude about 'silly little things' and discussing the past or trying to have a discussion about something that was bothering me was not allowed. Note the big X there.

Dump his silly arse. Ensure you let him know you can't be thinking about silly things like him, any more.

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