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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to report SIL sharing photos of other school children

68 replies

IsabellaTruffle · 16/07/2017 11:03

Or should I mind my own buisness?

We both have DC, in the same school year but different schools. A boy in my DC year has had major issues with an abusive father, the mother left him and started again enrolling him at school and not telling DF where he goes, I know the family quite well as we live close and our DC are friendly. She did start letting the DF have some contact but did not tell him the school he attends (to keep some distance) things turned nasty and they now have no contact and thankfully he doesn't know the address or school of the DC as he kept showing up at her parents bashing the door down etc.

For this reason she doesn't share photos of him in school uniform and has told the school not to include him in photos shared online, the school have the normal policy of not sharing photos unless of your own child, which everyone in the school seems to respect.

My SIL at a nearby school, regularly shares photos of her DD with others, it grates on me a bit as she ignores her own school who ask not to share online. She yesterday shared the class photo (of all 30 reception children) in their uniforms and with the school on the bottom. She also shared masses of sports day photos with other DC in the background without caring/knowing who she may be putting at risk.

WIBU to email the school and mention it?

OP posts:

RiverTam · 16/07/2017 11:05

I would do it. She could easily be endangering a child. Our school's policy, clearly stated before every performance, sports day, whatever, is photos not to be shared on public social media. I should think that's standard.

Take screen shots and email them.

Groupie123 · 16/07/2017 11:06

YANBU. If your sil knows the full story and is still doing this then she's being a class a cunt. Report her class photo on social media too.

ASauvingnonADay · 16/07/2017 11:06

Absolutely report.

ethelfleda · 16/07/2017 11:06

I wouldn't think so. I'd report it to the school and let then speak to her.

AlpacaLypse · 16/07/2017 11:09

YY contact the school in question. We had a couple of celeb children who were always edited out of photos and also a couple of children who were non contact from DV.

MrsKCastle · 16/07/2017 11:11

Does your SIL understand the reasoning behind not sharing? I think my first reaction would be to discuss it with her. She may well have an attitude of 'Oh, no one in my kid's school will need to be protected ' without realising how common it can be. If she doesn't listen to you (and you're sure that her school does have the same rule) then yes, I would consider emailing them and just saying that you've seen class photos etc shared. I wouldn't mention her name though.

GivePeasAGo · 16/07/2017 11:12

Did she upload the photos herself or share? Because you need to report the uploaded too if she's sharing only.

Also if it's Facebook, Twitter etc, report the photo.

Beeziekn33ze · 16/07/2017 11:13

YANBU - you're SiL cannot possibly know whether a child at that school whose photo she is sharing is in the same vulnerable position as the boy you mention.

Original poster

IsabellaTruffle · 16/07/2017 11:19

It is on both Facebook and Instagram, I did think to report to them but not sure they would delete as its probably not breaking their individual guidelines?

The DC I mention isnt at her DDs school, sorry if that is confusing I just mention it as it is just an example of how much danger she could be putting a child in without a care.

I would have thought every school has the same guidelines, in ours we all had to sign an agreement before every school year to say we will not share any photos unless it is only of our own child, we are also reminded before every play/event.

It was the class photo I found most worrying as its one thing to take a photo of your own child on sports day and accidently get someone in the background and another thing entirely to upload a class photo of 30 children.

OP posts:

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 16/07/2017 11:20

Well, once class photos come home, they become your property to share as you see fit. Does school send them home with a 'do not share' sticker? are the children in question edited out? Does the school have a no photography policy for social events where parents are invited?

I've re-read your OP twice and I see you are hypothesising a what if scenario for your SILs school. I would assume that the children in her house, she knows the parents etc and their back story? So, unless the hypothetical abusive parent etc is on your SILs FB or what ever social media she is using, then it's highly unlikely the hypothetical father will come across them in the same way that he might if he analysed all photos on all school websites in the area.

Of course, SIL is at liberty to take any photos she likes in her house, of her children and friends in uniform or in pyjamas. What do you do with children who have mobile phones and habitually take pictures of each other? There is absolutely no way you can legislate for these scenarios.

GivePeasAGo · 16/07/2017 11:23

IsabellaTruffle you can report, using safeguard or possible child endangerment.

Original poster

IsabellaTruffle · 16/07/2017 11:24

She would not possibly know the back story of the other 30 children in her class, I'm sure a lot would be quite private about their personal lives. The way Facebook works now would mean once shes uploaded the photo her friends/friends of friends could see.

OP posts:

GivePeasAGo · 16/07/2017 11:24

Oh it's not the little boy in the class photos? Then you couldnt say it was for those reasons then.

I don't think she should be sharing either. I'd be very surprised if her school said it was ok.

Poppiesway1 · 16/07/2017 11:27

Yes report.
We have to sign a declaration we won't share school photos (class and PE) online when we order / take them.

I have a child in my youth Group who also cannot have their photo shared. Thats a logistical nightmare trying to keep them out of photographs way while other parents are trying to take pictures of their dc doing activities

Scoobydoobydont · 16/07/2017 11:28

My kids are both in different years at the same school.

One class we ware always told. It to share phonons. For the other class photos are ok if just that class, at school events we are asked not to share.

So, the school know which kids are vulnerable to shared photos and make sure it's not an issue but allow the rest of the school to share away when it's not an issue.

Since this could well be the case at other schools the idea that people seeing me post photos of my daughter and her classmates in their uniform would assume I am too stupid to understand the possible implications in some scenarios is a bit insulting tbh.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 16/07/2017 11:30

The other hypothetical children in the class are not all round her house for tea are they?

She yesterday shared the class photo (of all 30 reception children) in their uniforms and with the school on the bottom

I'll repeat my comment above Well, once class photos come home, they become your property to share as you see fit. Does school send them home with a 'do not share' sticker? are the children in question edited out? Does the school have a no photography policy for social events where parents are invited?

What's the real back story with you and SIL because you are making a massive issue out of something that you are projecting because of someone in your childs school. You're deliberately trying to find an excuse to dob her in shit. Do you really think the school would send home photos of a child in a witness protection scheme type scenario? no they wouldn't even be in the class photo.

With regard to sports day - I'll ask again - Does the school have a no photography policy for social events where parents are invited?

AlexanderHamilton · 16/07/2017 11:31

Are you sure there is a no sharing policy at your sils school? If so then report her. However at both my children's school there is no such policy & we are free to share any photos.

Wheresthattomoibabber · 16/07/2017 11:35

Still - when you take the photo home and put it on your wall are the same number of people going to see it as when you share it on Facebook? And why should your desire to get Facebook likes trump a child's safety?

Wheresthattomoibabber · 16/07/2017 11:37

My DC's school does ask that no photos are taken of other children. They give parents an opportunity to take photos of their own children e.g. in costume after the nativity.

My cousin has adopted a little girl and she is no longer on Facebook at all.

crazylazy · 16/07/2017 11:39

Please do.
My DS has nothing to do with father and although he lives in same city I do not post any of him myself on SM due to the fact my DS doesn't even want him to what he's up to.
So many tools to block faces , the blur feature on Insta. The draw on Fb edit.
I hate people sharing DC pictures on there SM, I control who knows what, I can't do that on other people's SM .

But I suppose it's the world we live in now...

Scoobydoobydont · 16/07/2017 11:40

No it's not and you sound a bit bikers to be honest.

If none of the kids in the school have safeguarding issues then and none of the parents have asked for photos not to be shared then there is no reason not to put them in the public domain.

Where I live all the class R and class 6 school photos for local schools go in the paper each year, they simple don't photograph the small number of kids for who it would be an issue.

Original poster

IsabellaTruffle · 16/07/2017 11:42

Bonkers I don't understand what you mean about the DC being round for tea? Im not sure they are technically yours to do whatever you like with them as you are technically making a digital copy that you have not 'bought' on top of the hard copy.

At our school we are asked not to share any photos of anyone elses DC without permission, including class photos and events. I know SIL school tell them not to upload photos to social media, not sure if they make any mention of the class photos but common sense would say you probably wouldn't.

OP posts:

insancerre · 16/07/2017 11:43

Don't be daft
You can't email the school about her

TSSDNCOP · 16/07/2017 11:46

Your super-contrived story does really sound like a ruse to dob her in. Otherwise why wouldn't you just ask her if her school are ok with putting up pictures of other kids? She genuinely might not know it's a thing. I didn't until we had one such child in our class.

Original poster

IsabellaTruffle · 16/07/2017 11:46

There isn't a back story with SIL, maybe my reaction is more extreme because I've followed this little boys struggles with his DF. I wasn't planning on 'dobbing' her in. Would just write an email to make the school aware class photos alongside sports day photos are being shared online.

OP posts:

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