to report SIL sharing photos of other school children

[IsabellaTruffle]

Or should I mind my own buisness?

We both have DC, in the same school year but different schools. A boy in my DC year has had major issues with an abusive father, the mother left him and started again enrolling him at school and not telling DF where he goes, I know the family quite well as we live close and our DC are friendly. She did start letting the DF have some contact but did not tell him the school he attends (to keep some distance) things turned nasty and they now have no contact and thankfully he doesn't know the address or school of the DC as he kept showing up at her parents bashing the door down etc.

For this reason she doesn't share photos of him in school uniform and has told the school not to include him in photos shared online, the school have the normal policy of not sharing photos unless of your own child, which everyone in the school seems to respect.

My SIL at a nearby school, regularly shares photos of her DD with others, it grates on me a bit as she ignores her own school who ask not to share online. She yesterday shared the class photo (of all 30 reception children) in their uniforms and with the school on the bottom. She also shared masses of sports day photos with other DC in the background without caring/knowing who she may be putting at risk.

WIBU to email the school and mention it?

I 'appreciate' the fact that people get this. My x always knew where we were but for a long time I was terrified that he would do something crazy. 999 out of 1000 abusive exes don't murder or drown their children to teach their x a lesson but............. Presuming the woman with the abusive x is 'lucky' and her x doesn't see the photo, just spare her the trauma of worrying that her x will see the photo. Spare her one more thing to worry about.

How would anyone know whether any child in the class (or wider even, in the case of sports day) has safeguarding issues? If a school has a blanket policy on social media sharing (ours does, as clearly do many others) it isn't up to individual parents to make their own judgements on this. Relevant information will be confidential, quite rightly.

It comes down to living a considerate life doesn't it? Why does anyone need to post a class photo on FB really?

I would definitely report.

My DDs have always taken part in class photos, as they are sent home as hard copies to parents. They absolutely were not allowed to be online with anything linking them to the school or the area.
When Reception new starters photos are published in the local paper, a separate photo was taken without including my DD. Similarly for all nativities or whatever - kids without photo permission were removed before the publishable photos were taken.

No way should someone be taking their own copy of a class photo and uploading it to anything but the most secure locked down sharing site.

Many adoptive parents choose not to share their child's history with other parents at the school gate. Unless you have personally known all the children since they were newborn, you have no idea what their background really is.

OP, report. If the school don't think it is an issue, then they won't take any action, and no harm done. But I would be furious if a parent had done this with pictures of my DDs.

But why can't you just talk to her? Why do you have to write e-mails to her school?

If none of the kids in the school have safeguarding issues

The chances of that are practically nil

I'm not going to see her in person until the end of next month, we don't have a relationship where I would call her/text her so if I suddenly do to ask about the photos she is likely to get defensive and it would end up causing tension.

You do have to be very careful these days using any photographs of children. Even your own. I can't understand why people don't use the appropriate settings on social media. Any of those children could have a safeguarding issue going on, or the parent.

StillDrivingMeBonkers you aren't actually right. The photo becomes your property that doesn't mean that it is yours to share as you wish. For the last five years every school has been required to have a home school agreement, you would have either signed this or received it in an email or letter form or as part of the school policy when you started at the school, this states clearly that you may not share any photos taken by the school or yourself within a school setting such as sports day on social media that contain any children other than your own. It's actually a legal contract and your child could be removed from the school if you choose to ignore it, however I never known one to be. It usually also contains details of expected attendance and time keeping etc.
Any photo that a school uses on their website etc would have the parents sign (sometimes at the start of schooling) to say that they are happy for photos of their child to be used in promotional documents and online.

If you had a safeguarding issue with your child would you let them be in the class photo that 29 other families can buy and display? I don't think that is an issue. The other photos might be, I don't know.

I would keep your beak out.

"IF" it's an issue for the school or any of the parents involved they can deal with it. Chances are if they haven't, then it isn't, like with my kids and their mates where everyone knows everyone and happily shares away.

Yes definitely report.

I'd report it. It's extremely unlikely that she knows the full background of every family in the class so it could be creating a problem.

Our school asks parents not to put whole class photos or photos of other children online, unless we have gained the explicit consent of the other parents of any children in the photo. They don't allow photos during assemblies, sports day etc. but they do allow parents to take photos of their own child at the end, which is fair enough. They don't follow their own regulations though as I recently had to complain about 20+ photos of my kids on the school Facebook page - I'd explicitly said no Facebook photos on the form we had to complete at the start of the year! They apologised and removed them, but some had been there months because I'm not on there to check daily.

I know someone who had their child's birth family turn up at school, screaming abuse at them, after they saw Facebook pics and tracked their child down. It was awful, the family had to sell up and move jobs, schools and area because of the fallout. Very few parents at the school were even aware of the child's situation, so don't assume there is no issue because you'd be made aware of it by school - you wouldn't be as it would be a breach of privacy.

I meant display at home, visitors can see it, tradesmen etc. If a child is in that much danger I wouldn't want to have them on display in other people's homes.

granny why not? If the school has a no sharing policy.

Its utterly shit that children have to miss out and be treated differently because of selfish adults.

Who the hell posts photos of other people's kids now days? It so easy to blank out faces so why not do it?

Please do report. A parent at my daughters last school used to take hundreds and I do mean hundreds of photos of other people's children at school events and plaster them across Facebook without parental permission. It was photos of children who were not allowed to be photographed for their own safety. When you have adopted children or an insane ex partner who can't know where they are it's imperative that these children are protected from asshats who think it's their right to take photos which Include other people's and decorate social media with them.

If you had a safeguarding issue with your child would you let them be in the class photo that 29 other families can buy and display? I don't think that is an issue.

Well I am afraid you are wrong, it is an issue.

With adopted children, (and there are other reasons also why photos are not allowed such as feeing domestic violence), every parent has to take their own balanced view of risk, depending on their child's circumstances. Balancing the risk also involves trying to make their child feel 'normal and not 'other'.
So we choose to not allow online or newspapers (as birth family live relatively near) but we do allow them to feel 'normal' and 'included' by including them in class photos which are only distributed as a hardcopy. We also expect parents to follow the school rules about not publishing photos taken in school online

Well you can't expect people to buy an overpriced photo and hide it in a drawer. I remember a child in this position and the class photo was just done twice and other parents could only buy the photo without the vulnerable child, the vulnerable child's parents could buy the one with their child.

Anyone could see the photo in your house, obviously not as many as on the internet but it is hardly secure.

re visitors/tradespeople seeing class photos on display.
Yes that is a risk, and one which we are happy to run, because really very few people are going to study a hardcopy class photo in someone else's home, or even be shown it.
Whereas someone actively searching for a child can much more easily look around online for class photos of the right year group, and online images can be seen by hundreds, not just the 5 visitors to someone's house.

TheFirstMrsDV I wasn't talking about sharing online but about the number of people who could see a photo displayed in 29 homes. That doesn't seem safe if a child is very at risk.

I think you're being a bit hyperactive about this. People share photos all the time online, the chances of it causing an issue are minimal, also in the scenario you mention, the father is actually entitled to know where his child is attending school, unless there is a non molestation order in place preventing this information. The fact the mum welcomed him back into her life negates her right to keep his child's location secret.

TeenAndTween but it isn't 5 people is it. If all the parents buy it and put it on display then it is in probably 29 homes, I have one of GCs class as I volunteer with them and liked the photo as in years to come it will remind me of those children. It is on the wall in my hall.

Have I had 5 visitors in the last year? Probably more like 50. Who knows if the delivery man who is standing in my hall is having a look, or the workman waiting for his cheque, or the decorators x 4, or friends or friends of my kids. If you think of that times 29 homes it is a lot. If a child was at risk I don't think I would feel comfortable with that.

I think there is a HUGE difference between sharing your DCs class photo personally, and online. Yes the odd 'stranger' ie. Builders, delivery men etc. may see them, but sharing to 600+ online 'friends', and then those people who will see the image if their 'friend' likes or comments. People looking at social media on buses/trains etc. the chances of the vulnerable children being spotted is much higher.

I'd report, putting pictures of other peoples kids on social media without permission is a definite no no. Whatever the reasons, you can't just make that decision to put pictures of kids online without asking. I always ask my friends if it's ok, even if it's close friends and there are no ways of identifying where the kids are. I have an arsehole XH who I needed to protect DS1 from, and so I fully understand your reasoning. He has contact, but doesn't know the school for safety reasons.

I would definitely speak to the school. Your sil has breached the school no sharing on social media policy. Let the school decide whether or not other children have been placed in danger.

HiJenny35 I'll take what you say with pinch of salt as I have been a safeguarding lead within the past 3 years. I think my training is up to date.

Not sharing on line - so I buy X copies, one for me , GPS, aunts, uncles et al - replicate for 30 children with all their blended families, all their neighbours, friends, and tradespeople trundling through the house. You do realise schools only cover their own backs with such statements and it is unenforceable?

Scenario: family party, the cameras come out, Mum "Excuse me whilst I clear the mantelpiece, Uncle Cecil, you might inadvertently capture a photo above the fireplace".

Christ on a bike.