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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends child nearly run over...

93 replies

LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 11:01

"I think he's learned his lesson now' she told me. He's 7. Ran into the road at a crossing by the school, after pressing the button but not waiting for the green man. Apparently she was 'chatting away as usual' to someone. Wasn't holding his hand. Car was driven my school staff who did an emergency stop, little boy was flung onto the car bonnet and into the road Shock he is very lucky to be OK. Staff ran them to the hospital to get him checked over and he was fine. Must have been pretty scary for him though.

I don't get my friend's reaction though. I would hold their hand at that age, at a crossing, my DS 8 does that with me. But is was all about him being a livewire and having learned his lesson. AIBU?

OP posts:
GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 11:58

He wasn't walking alone though?

JustadaftProfessor · 16/07/2017 11:59

That thread is about walking to school alone.... The Child in your OP was with his mother.

GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 12:00

Look for a thread that says children need to hold mum's hand at 7 on the way to school.

You might struggle to find it.

GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 12:01

And he wasn't a teen walking in to traffic in his mobile Hmm

I think you just want everyone to call your "friend" a shit mother.

ClothEaredBint · 16/07/2017 12:02

I think you're being extremely unfair.

7yo is PLENTY old enough to know you don't walk out onto a crossing without waiting for a green man, or for the cars to stop..etc.

I do still hold my 8yo's hand, but only when we're actually walking across, she is perfectly capable of stopping, looking both ways and waiting for either me or the lights to tell her its safe to cross.

The hand holding is because my oldest is autistic and I CANT trust him not to walk/run out, so I hold both their hands while we walk over.

I should imagine she had the fright of her life, but he is fine and he WILL have learned his lesson. It doesn't make her a bad person for not holding his hand or for saying he'd learned his lesson.

GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 12:03

Hey op I push a baby to school so I can't physically hold my 5 and 6 year old's hands I expect them to act their age and wait

Do I need to employ someone to hold their hands?

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 16/07/2017 12:05

When I had a buggy I used to get my older DC to hold onto that. The other thread is about accompanying the child but what point is being there if you aren't supervising them and holding their hand to cross the road.

Anyway, I'll leave this finally now as obviously am just a rubbish friend for not agreeing with the mother that yes, he was a little monkey.

OP posts:
GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 12:07

I absolutely don't have two children hanging on the buggy as it would be a fucker to steer and move and therefore more dangerous.

NotYoda · 16/07/2017 12:07

I am pretty sure she said that, amongst other things that she said

jemsywemsy · 16/07/2017 12:08

I wouldn't always hold my 7 year old's hand at a crossing, but I would expect him to have the sense not to run into the road. I have no idea what my reaction would be if he was run over because thankfully I've never had to deal with that. I hope your friend doesn't see this thread OP; she must be reeling from what's happened and to know that a friend is judging her like this would I imagine be pretty devastating.

GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 12:09

So op the majority of parents one thatvthread think 10-12 is the right age to walk alone.

Would you actually hold a 12 year old child's hand?

KarmaNoMore · 16/07/2017 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2017 12:09

That poor child - and that poor driver!

What a horrible shock.

I hope THE MOTHER has learned HER lesson. If the car is damaged, that driver should sue the arse off her - that might teach her to be more careful of her son.

GinaFordCortina · 16/07/2017 12:10

I suspect Jemsy, if she reads the thread she's going to feel pretty amused.

KarmaNoMore · 16/07/2017 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oysterbabe · 16/07/2017 12:14

Anyway, I'll leave this finally now as obviously am just a rubbish friend for not agreeing with the mother that yes, he was a little monkey.

This isn't why you're a rubbish friend. You're a rubbish friend because you are blaming her for not holding his hand rather than treating it as what it was, an accident.

rightwhine · 16/07/2017 12:21

I agree she is irresponsible. But not for your reasons.

At 7 a child should be perfectly capable of crossing a road without their hand being held, given no special needs of course.

However she is irresponsible for not having already ensured that he is safe crossing the road. That should have been taught a long time ago and the natural consequence of running out should, of course, being made to always hold a hand until they can demonstrate they do take crossing roads seriously. If this had taken place at an earlier age then he wouldn't need to "learn his lesson" now. But she is right, he will have learnt it now.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/07/2017 12:22

if the car is damaged, that driver should sue the arse off her, that'll teach her
I'm quite shocked at that comment. I hope the driver was a reasonable person with some compassion who just felt glad the accident wasn't more serious.
What would suing teach her? I must not let my dc run in the road in case I get sued? Confused

toosexyforyahshirt · 16/07/2017 12:27

What kind of friend slags off a mother whose child has just been hit by a car, on the bloody internet?

Some people are real assholes.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2017 12:28

What would suing teach her? I must not let my dc run in the road in case I get sued?

Exactly that.

She obviously doesn't think "I must not let my dc run in the road in case they get knocked over." Some people have to be hit in their pockets before they take any action.

I'm expect that the driver was too shocked and worried to have taken any details at the time, but if s/he finds they have a big dint to sort out they might feel differently.

Just out of interest - if a dog ran in front of you, and you hit it, and the dog wasn't badly hurt but your car had sustained some damage - who would you want to pay for that?

emmyrose2000 · 16/07/2017 12:29

The only one I feel sorry for is the poor innocent driver. What a shock! Thank god for lightning reflexes and good brakes.

unlucky83 · 16/07/2017 12:36

I am pretty sure that the age when children are most likely to be hit by car is 11-12. When they start secondary and are more independent, have more freedom.
I read this is more likely if they haven't had the chance to learn to take responsibility for themselves - they have always known, even if subconsciously, someone else (a parent) is really doing the looking out for them and if they get it wrong it will still be ok. They don't actually need to fully concentrate and they learn that - it becomes ingrained, a habit that takes a while (and maybe a near miss) to break.
I looked into this because I was shocked when I found out a very sensible, caring work colleague let their 7 yo walk home from school - only a few minutes walk but across an extremely busy road with a pedestrian crossing and this was their reasoning.

DD1 (impulsive - later diagnosed with ADHD) I did have to keep more of an eye on but DD2 (more sensible) and now 10 - has been walking to school for the last 3 years. It is a few minutes in very 'nice', quiet, safe area with a good community - plenty of other parents around who will keep an eye out for other children (as I did when my DC were younger and I walked them to school). She does have to cross two roads - one a side road without a crossing but one the main road with a crossing. I did teach her to be careful on the crossing - make sure cars have seen the crossing and are actually stopping (even careful drivers can make mistakes - I went through a crossing on red once - thankfully no-one was using it. I had a brain glitch - red means go Confused and I know someone else who has had the same glitch - I also once very carefully gave way before going through a red light at a junction Blush)
So I feel sympathy for the car driver -it must have been a huge shock and very upsetting, but I think the mother is right really. The DC will have learned a valuable lesson thankfully without being seriously injured. At 7 (no SN) they should have learned not to run out at a crossing and they shouldn't need to be holding hands. She is at fault for not teaching their DC to cross the road.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/07/2017 12:37

Schadenfreude you're in essence saying that some people care more about their money than their children's safety?
That's a massive assumption to make in this case.
I don't think I'd sue a dog owner if their dog ran in front of my car.

notaslimceagirl · 16/07/2017 12:41

I'm sure she'll be delighted that her 'friend' is sharing her judgement across social media.

SoupDragon · 16/07/2017 12:42

As an aside, since when is being flung onto the car bonnet and into the road nearly being run over?