To wonder why people tolerate adultery

[emilybrontescorset]

I'm just wondering why people make excuses for their oh cheating.
Why would you accept this level of betrayal,
Are people really happy once their partner had been caught cheating on them and if not why not leave?
I'm just curious really.
Im friends on fb with a woman whose dh cheated at least twice with a work colleague. She was heartbroken and her family do not speak to her dh after all the Iain he caused her. They advised her to throw him out and offered help and support to her.
She forgave him after she insisted he move jobs. Does that really solve the issue?
I see her regularly posting about how great he is blah blah and must of her posts involve pictures of the two of them, usually with her throwing her arms around him.
Great if she is truely happy but I can't help but think bats not the case.
My ex dh cheated on me and finally I am in a much happier place several years down the line being away from him.
I have a new dp whom I love very much and who is more like me than any other partner I have had.
I don't have any issues with what my ex did . I've moved on and feel much more like the real me than when I was in the awful situation of discovering his affair.
Just wondering why anyone would stay when in my opinion happiness is available around the corner without the burden clinging onto a cheater brings.

Oh its just a shag isnt it?

Maybe they dont want to throw away a long term marriage. Or have reached a point of forgiveness. Maybe its fear of starting all over again. Maybe she still loves him. Maybe you should understand that everyone is different and your 'right way' isnt everybody's

For the kids. Not to break up their family unit whilst they are still young.

Some people just aren't that bothered about it. They don't put as high a value on monogamy or fidelity

At the risk of freaking people out, one of the nicest, most honourable and kindest people I know was...the OW. She was going out with a man who, it turned out, was rather more married than he said he was. Tip: they can lie.

After 20 years together, to her surprise and subsequent delight, OW conceived. Husband suddenly decided he needed alpha wife's £££, not to mention the London house, and abandoned his only son and OW. Then he asked for a DNA test before paying maintenance, not that he ever paid maintenance.

The upshot was that wife and husband had been fine about the sex, but neither of them wanted to break up the marriage and a DC was a step too far. Poor, poor girl.

It's not the be all and end all to a lot of people.

In some ways our attitudes to cheating are very much based on the outdated values of a world without abortion and contraception where every act of intercourse carried a real risk of pregnancy so loyalty was vital.

It's also a hangover of Christian values which view adultery and sex outside marriage as a sin and were also designed to reduce doubts about parentage.

These things don't really matter much on a societal level anymore but we still hang on to the notion of cheating. It doesn't make a massive deal of logical sense.

Not that it's not fine for two people to agree that the terms of their relationship will involve not having sex with anyone else, but I don't really understand why people think this is a universal standard they have a right to impose on others.

Not everyone is that bothered about sexual fidelity. I never have been, for example. It's only sex. There are a lot worse things a man could do to me.