DH referring to DD as baggage.

[EastMidsMumOf1]

Probably being abit too sensitive but hey ho, more of a vent if anything.
Dh has a friend who has recently moved in with a woman who has 4 kids (I think dcs are aged between 3 and 10) they've only been dating a month or two. Me and DH was talking about it last night and I asked how is he going to manage going from a single man lifestyle to all of a sudden living with 4 young kids, DHs reply was "you came with baggage and Ive managed fine". We have been together 3 years married for nearly 2 and he has never used the word "baggage" before. I tried to keep it lighthearted and said well DD is only hand luggage really as there's only one of her but its been niggling at me since he said it. Is baggage just the general term for a woman who already has children? Aibu to find it really horrible and offensive?

It's just a general term, I wouldn't get upset about this unless there's something else going on

Ffs I should of proof read my post not a term for a woman who already has children but for the children of a woman in a new relationship.

I think baggage is a general term for whatever a person brings with him/her into a relationship. I wouldn't find it particularly offensive.

Yes, it's just a general term. A person who comes to a relationship with DC already could be described has having 'baggage'.

Baggage is the general term for previous stuff in general that comes to the relationship.

If he is a kind step dad I would just take it as a figure of speech. Also remember the context - he's being positive about his friends situation based on his own positive experience. Which is a good thing.

I don't think he meant it in a nasty way-it's just a term people use.

Agree with previous posters -it's a fairly widely used term, and I wouldn't find it offensive.

It does seem to be a general term these days, and personally I don't think it's really about the children being the baggage, in my case it was all the crap that came with them (xh/lack of maintenance and general shit) so i wouldn't take it too personally

I can see how it came across to you, but it's a commonly used term so I would take it to heart.

As Elspeth said, it was used in a mainly positive way (if he'd said "no way I'd have got together with a woman with so much baggage" or something, it would be different.)

We all come with baggage. My DP struggles with the idea that he wishes he'd met me sooner, before it all got so complicated with DCs, exes, separate houses etc. It's essentially wishing away our DCs, which neither of us wants to do, but acknowledging that there are added complications that wouldn't be there pre-DC is just honest.

I think YABU about the word baggage, it's a commonly used phrase.

But this guy has moved in with a woman and her four kids after only dating for a few months is bloody weird.

Baggage just means the stuff people bring to relationships.

I'd take it in the off hand jokey way it was intended.

*wouldn't take it to heart! Stupid autocorrect

It's a normal term to use. It just means people bring their past experiences and lives into a new relationship.

Oh Ive only ever heard it in a negative way so I guess its just stuck in my mind. DH is great overall hes come in leaps and bounds since we have been together, had alot of pressure from family before we got married due to me having "baggage" so he became abit withdrawn but its been nearly 2 years not and hes been wonderful.

I think he meant that in a second or subsequent relationship there are pre ordained expectations and a history of failed relationships that impact on how you perceive and react to current situation. Children from another parent have a huge impact. This is the baggage not the children themselves.

I think it does sound unpleasant, but it is definitely a general term, rest easy OP. 😄

Children are baggage. What is wrong with that? You are looking for reasons to get offended.

Im glad its not as negative as I first thought, I feel abit more rational about it now
Captain - his friend is weird in general, hes in his late 30s and has lived on his own since he moved out at 18 and has never had the desire to be a "family man" it all seems abit odd.

I think considering the context and that he was trying to be positive about his friend moving in with someone with children I think you are reading too much into it. He was trying to say it's worked for him so why wouldn't it work for his friend?

His phrase was pretty positive I think; didn't seem to have nasty undertones.

Your 'hand luggage' comment did make me smile.

had alot of pressure from family before we got married due to me having "baggage" Well that explains why you have taken it as a negative. That's harsh EastMids, I hope your families are more supportive of you now.

Then I think you should be happy and grateful you have met a good man OP. I had three DCs when I met my DH and a difficult ex husband, money was tight etc. So he definitely had "baggage" when he embarked on our relationship. Together 26 years now, kids all grown up, he's a loving SD to my three and truly adores our three grandchildren.

I'm on my own then. I'd be offended if my oh called my dc baggage...

Ive honestly only ever heard it being used negatively, probably says more about the people using them than the word itself though I know DH wouldnt mean it in a nasty way but I just reaaaaaally dont like it.