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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Money family fallout

73 replies

Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 18:16

A friend I have known for all my life ( more like family) borrowed a large sum of money from my uncle, about 15 years ago, to invest in his business.
Friend was badly hit by the recession but has survived.

My uncle now has Alzheimer's and my mum has poa. My mum had a stroke and has a heart condition and couldn't deal with the stress of this, so asked me to intervene.
Friend came up with a monthly payment plan.
In 2 years there have been 7 monthly payments, I have chased twice.
I was told that the full sum would be repaid in June. My mum is waiting to order a new kitchen for my uncle so asked me to chase.

Yesterday I asked when we could expect payment and was met with a barrage of abuse, told it would be repaid when funds were received, I was totally taking the piss and obviously not a real friend. I should have some humility and be grateful for the 80 hours a week he works.
He signed off telling me to have a happy life☹️️

My uncle has recently downsized and has money in the bank, but that has been set aside as he will need care in the future.
This was his retirement money, money he worked hard for and lent to this friend in good faith that it would be repaid in 10 years.
I'm so sad that this friend is angry with us, when we feel that he is totally disrespecting our uncle.
His business seems to have turned around, they bought a massive house. Have loads of fab holidays, kids get given cars, they have v pricey cars.
I know there's a difference between business money and personal money, but he seems to be paying himself plenty.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 18:16

I guess aibu to be upset
And angry ?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 14/07/2017 18:17

Yanbu. Why should you be grateful for him working 80 hours a week Confused what a weird thing to say.

HopeClearwater · 14/07/2017 18:18

Police?

witsender · 14/07/2017 18:18

Was there anything in writing? Sadly I suspect he won't see it again, but I would be having serious words.

PippaFawcett · 14/07/2017 18:21

This is NOT a police matter. Do you have a paper trail about the money?

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2017 18:21

Does your uncle have anything in writing regarding the loan? If he does, then you can have a letter sent by a solicitor threatening legal action if the debt is not repaid.

BackforGood · 14/07/2017 18:22

Even if there wasn't a formal contract in the first place, I'd have thought the more recent correspondence and some payments, and the promises to pay it back would all be evidence enough.

I think you have to let him know that, although you don't want to have to do it, if the money isn't repaid by X date, then you will have to take to court. You've got nothing to lose - they are hardly acting like a good friend to your family are they ?

EssentialHummus · 14/07/2017 18:26

Set things out in writing - what was lent, when, on what terms, with what repayment terms, and what's been paid back since. Explain that you expect full payment by x date or a workable payment schedule. Ask for a response within a week. If no response, "Letter before Action". Still no response, go to the small claims court. It sounds like they're just messing your family around now.

User02 · 14/07/2017 18:27

The fact that the uncle has money in the bank is not a factor. He lent money to the so called friend. It was a loan not a gift. The money should be paid back.
If there are any records at all of transaction between uncle and friend, that could me the money transferring from uncle or the repayments from the friend, through bank accounts, or even a casual note about the loan, a solicitor could write a strongly worded letter. The friend seems to have assets which could be seized in repayment.
I supposed you are aware that none of you should lend this person another penny

2017SoFarSoGood · 14/07/2017 18:30

I'd reach out to a lawyer for this one. Sounds bigger than small claims court. Someone is taking the mickey indeed!

JsOtherHalf · 14/07/2017 18:39

www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

Original poster
Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 18:43

Hang on!
He will repay this money I'm sure. He's awaiting a big business deal.
We are not going to court cos there's way too many people it would upset.
His mum knows Nothing of this, she'd be devastated. I don't think his wife knows either.
It would rip the family apart. Friends, god children, god parents, 50 years of family history.

2 years ago it was all ready to be signed by lawyers, but we thought that was overkill cos we're family. There's plenty of evidence.

It's even interest free now.
But he reminded me of how much he has already repaid "earned from scratch"
As if my uncle hadn't earned it from scratch.

I just cannot understand how he thinks we are being unreasonable

OP posts:
Trollspoopglitter · 14/07/2017 18:50

If he was going to repay, he would have already. Also wouldn't have verbally attacked you and behaved as if he was doing you the favour in paying back. I bet he's going to be asking why does the uncle need it anyway and he's going to engineer a huge fallout and try to cut you off precisely because you don't want to cause upset. He WILL get away with not repaying it - your uncle has a degenerative disease with predicted average lifespan of 8-10 years. But! Who knows how long your uncle has had it before diagnosis :-(

Whichwayyisup · 14/07/2017 18:57

Oh dear OP. This is why you should never be a borrower or a lender to friends or family.

Original poster
Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 18:58

It is so unbelievably unreasonable that it does make sense that he is engineering a fallout to tell us to fuck off.
He borrowed money, it's overdue, I asked when we could expect it. Why couldn't he just say- completion delayed, should be a couple of months, sorry

I don't believe he'd do it to his mum. It would really break her heart.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 14/07/2017 18:59

I think it's unlikely that he'll pay this back under his own steam, sorry OP.

Original poster
Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 19:00

He's my oldest fucking friend
He was like my brother.

OP posts:
coddiwomple · 14/07/2017 19:03

I am sorry OP, but if you want siblings to get at each others throats, throw money/inheritance in the middle. Money destroys relationships and families. He is completely out of order, but sadly that's not uncommon, even with a childhood close friend.

ThomasRichard · 14/07/2017 19:03

Unfortunately, when someone starts behaving this way about money, they feel that they are doing you a favour and are never going to believe that they are in the wrong. I strongly advise you to get legal advice so that you are prepared if the money doesn't materialise.

Underthemoonlight · 14/07/2017 19:03

The old saying is never lend money you can't afford to lose. The fact it's taking so long and he has to be reminded then his reaction is very telling.

Original poster
Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 19:11

Unfortunately telling my Uncle I told you so isn't really an option.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 19:13

There was also a comment that the sum already repaid may not seem a lot to me, I think suggesting I have money.
The only reason I have any money is because my husband died.
Nice

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 14/07/2017 19:15

If you are so certain you are going to pay this money back and he's your old friend why are you posting?
15 years and 7 repayments, he's taking the absolute piss from you and knows you won't chase him seriously for the money because you see him as a brother. Keep doing what your doing

bimbobaggins · 14/07/2017 19:16

hes going to not you

Original poster
Oldcrank · 14/07/2017 19:17

Because I'm upset
And I wanted to know in what world am I the unreasonable one.

OP posts:
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