Year 9 bottom set.
Period 5
After Art
They are due to start their extended writing. On Shakespeare.
They rock up ten minutes late in the latest non uniform uniform. Girls in teeny crop tops and shorts. Boys in various trackie bottoms, very expensive trainers and either an Arsenal or Chelsea shirt. One brave lad sports a Man U shirt.
They all look like wounded puppies when told to sit in their seating plan. Five minutes of them all shuffling around ensures. Man U lad tries to charge his phone in a socket on the back wall. I take his phone off him, he swears and storms off.
They are full of haribos, pot noodles, energy drinks. A whiff of cheap lunchtime sneaky fags, mingled with Lynx and Impulse mixed with hormones and sweat fills the room. I open a window and the gust of wind welcomes in much needed fresh air. I ask them to be quiet for the register, they nod, chew gum, stick their headphones in, carry on chatting and get their latest fidget spinner out.
Man U boy and Chelsea guy start sharing evils.
I ask them to find their plans for their essay in their books. They look overwhelmed and the girls roll their eyes and decide whether to get their phones or make up out. Half of them haven't brought their books. It's my fault, they mutter.
Man U and Chelsea have a minor scuffle.
I pray for the fire alarm to go off.
Then a miracle. The air ambulance lands on the field, because it's the closest area to a nearby rta.
Spinners, phones, make up and fights are forgotten. They all rush to the window. When they realise that no fellow peer, or even better a teacher has been hurt, they scuffle back to their seats.
Then the usual begins: I 'aven't gotta pen Miss. Can I go and fill my water bottle miss? Can I go to the toilet miss? I effing 'ate effing Shakespeare miss. I 'aven't got my overlay miss. I need to go to medical miss. What's blank verse miss? Which one is 'Amlet again? What, write a whole page miss, you're 'aving a bubble! Me pen's broke. What's a quote again miss? I have to listen to music miss, it helps me concentrate.
Passes Prosecco, monster munch and popcorn round.