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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To trust my friend after this and pay her the money

94 replies

LovelyBath77 · 13/07/2017 12:37

My neighbour mentioned she had seen my friend in the park who was very worried about me, that I was in hospital and had broken my leg. So, I rang her. She sounded relieved I was Ok and she had sent the money etc. I asked what was wrong, I was fine and had not been in hospital. It turned out someone with my first name had been texting her, saying they were in hospital and needed some money put on their pay-as-you go phone.

So, she had done this. Not once but several times. Then, she had given them her bank details! I said, I hadn't done that, I would not ask for money like that. I told her, how could it be my number and she said it had come up with my name on her phone. I had had no class on my mobile or home phone. Then she said she had bills coming out and was hoping I would pay her back. She said the last reply she had given she had asked me if I could get my husband to give money instead.

She didn't seem to believe me that I didn't have anything to do with it, as I adviser her to contact her bank straight away and possibly the police and report the fraud.

I don;t understand why she didn't ring me on my own mobile or home phone number to check. I asked her for the number making the calls, and when she told me I checked online and it was a phone scam, someone saying they were called either Emma or Claire (not my name but for example) and making this message about having a broken leg, stuck in hospital and needing credit. Obviously as my friend had responded, they had then gone on to ask for more.

I felt cross, and sorry for my friend, but I haven't offered to pay back the money, as it wasn't me. I think, she should possibly get it refunded if it is fraud. I also feel cross that she thought I would do that. And distrustful of our friendship.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MegFlyAway · 13/07/2017 16:37

I've been a victim of this scam before! One of my best friends had the same name.
Ended up my friend running around to her flat as she wasn't answering her mobile etc. The person was very insistent I sent them a mobile voucher code and it didn't send like my friend at all.

Rubies12345 · 13/07/2017 17:16

Either she is stupid as anything for falling for this scam

The lady is disabled. Hopefully the OP could help her friend call action fraud and the bank.

LovelyBath77 · 13/07/2017 17:21

Thank you for the replies. I did offer to contact the bank and police but she didn't seem to trust me with this and said she would do it herself. I also suggested maybe she could ask someone else in her family to do it, and that didn't go down very well. (I meant, if she doesn't trust me, but think she felt I was questioning her capacity to call them or something)

I had only rang her and found this out, as my neighbour had met her in the park and said she was upset. If I hadn't called her, I don't know how long it had gone on. It seems she had given the bank details several days previous. I was quite shocked and did say something like What have you done, you don't give out stuff like that to people!"

I'm not sure what happened after that, I don't know her that well (she was a neighbour as well and has since moved away).

Yes, as she told me, I looked online at the who called you? using the number she said had called, and then rang her back to say what it said. I don't think she was convinced though. It is horrible and I still feel a bit like she thinks I have scammed her or something.

OP posts:
LovelyBath77 · 13/07/2017 17:22

I have since bumped into her and she seemed fine and didn't mention it. She does have family support to help deal with stuff.

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 13/07/2017 17:28

Under the circumstances I would help her report to the police. If she shows you the texts it should hopefully be clear that it isn't you but clear hopefully how she thought it was.
She is obviously very naive, poor girl, but this isn't your business really.

rightwhine · 13/07/2017 17:29

Why wouldn't either of you mention such a big thing. That's odd. Surely that would be the first thing you would discuss?

Are you sure she's not scamming you? Thinking you might be soft enough to "pay her back"

SapphireStrange · 13/07/2017 17:30

If she didn't bring it up then maybe she's come to her senses and stopped pursuing the OP to pay her the money.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 13/07/2017 18:05

Aw, what a horrible situation for both of you. Sad I think if she harbours any ill-will towards you, over time as the sting of the loss lessens, she will see it's not your fault. Hopefully your friendship will be fine.

Floggingmolly · 13/07/2017 22:11

You don't know her that well??

emmyrose2000 · 14/07/2017 03:41

She's been scammed, or is trying to scam you. Either way, you don't owe her a single penny.

If she refuses to go to the police and/or her bank, there isn't really much you can do about that. She might be resisting because she's embarrassed at being scammed; or it's a sign she's the scammer.

As an aside, if someone named Sarah contacted me asking for funds/help I'd know it was a scam immediately. The only Sarah I know is totally toxic and I cut her out of my life years ago, so the chances of her asking me for help are zero. Not that I'd give it to her anyway.

Spermysextowel · 14/07/2017 04:35

I think I read on Which? that scammers are so clever that they can now send messages that contain the number of the purported sender. If I had a message from my sister asking for help & it showed up as being from her normal number I might be mislead. Except she'd know I haven't got a pot to ...
It doesn't sound like a close friendship & seems she wants to drop it but I can see it's galling that she may still think conned her.

turnaroundbrighteyes · 14/07/2017 07:35

So, she's a friend who is struggling to pay her bills as she's been scammed.

If you can afford it OP why not give her some money towards her bills? Not because it's your responsibility, it's not, but as a gift because she's your friend and you care about her and don't want her to struggle.

Whodoesthis17 · 14/07/2017 08:04

Tell her she needs to go to the Police and offer to go with her.
Not you so no need to pay it back.

Floggingmolly · 14/07/2017 09:05

If she's now "struggling to pay her bills" you'd have to wonder why she let someone milk her dry over the course of several weeks without even checking what they wanted the money for.
She's not a trusted friend of the op, op has admitted they don't know each other very well Confused

Fluffyears · 14/07/2017 09:12

She's not stupid, she has a progressive neurological disease. My father had MS and became a completely different person as it attacked parts of his brain. Please do not call her stupid!

LovelyBath77 · 14/07/2017 09:30

Fluffy I didn't call her stupid, I just mentioned it may have affected her eyesight and judgement.

She has family and her mum can help if struggling. I am not in a position to give money or I would have, sadly.

OP posts:
turnaroundbrighteyes · 14/07/2017 11:58

Nothing to feel bad about if you can't help her, glad she has family who can

Manijo · 14/07/2017 13:23

You handled it all very well OP but your friends really needs to seek some advice on how not to fall for scammer. It nearly happened to me through eBay but I had the foresight not to fall for it. These scammers are very clever people.

LovelyBath77 · 14/07/2017 20:29

Yes, she said she had given out bank details before, as well. Sad

OP posts:
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