To think 9 is too Young to be home along/ walking home alone

Happyhappyveggie · 2017-07-13T11:01:16+00:00

Aibu here? A few of DS's school friends are walking home alone from school and being at home on their own after school too. DS is 9 and year 4 going into year 5. He's mature and sensible but I still think he's too young but am I being precious?

SerendipityFelix · 13/07/2017 12:04

Totally dependent on the child, the area and the route taken to be honest. I was walking home 'alone' at that age with my younger sibling and other school friends who lived nearby. We'd then be 'home alone' for about half an hour until Mum finished work. She left snacks for us and we watched telly.

What are you worried might happen?

MaidenMotherCrone · 13/07/2017 12:05

It all depends where you live regarding walking home. I was taking myself to school and home again aged 5.

Home alone at 9? No!

coddiwomple · 13/07/2017 12:07

depends on the school, the child and the area and for how long.

I wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone in a secluded house in the middle of nowhere, but it would be fine in a residential one where you know the neighbours and they are most likely to be home during the day if he needs anything.
A 9 year old might be mature enough to stay home from school until his parents turn up after work after 7pm, but I wouldn't leave him so long, it sounds mean!

Same goes for walking home: how far, where does he live, any bullying or worst around?

pointythings · 13/07/2017 12:08

Depends on the circumstances. Does he have busy roads to cross? Are there safe crossing points? Will there be other parents with DCs travelling the same route at the same time?
If yes then he should be fine - DD2 made her own way from the start of year 5.

StumpyScot92 · 13/07/2017 12:08

Agree with PP, depends on the area and the child. By 10 I was walking home (just over half a mile) with 2 other friends who lived on the same street. My mum finished work an hour and a half later so when I got in, I phoned her at work to let her know I was in safe. I then made dinner for her coming in each night (my own choice, not request. Always loved cooking) But wasn't allowed to use the gas so I had my own plug in hob I could use and any oven stuff would be prepared ready for her to put in the oven when she got in.

I was an only child in a single parent household and was generally very responsible. If it was sunny I would walk to my mums work and walk her colleagues dogs for them instead in the park.

I have a few cousins around that age, some would manage fine, some I wouldnt trust to be alone ten minutes. Depends on the kid.

caffeinestream · 13/07/2017 12:09

I was left home alone at that age - not for longer than half an hour or so, though. It was only when my mum went to the shops or to post a letter or to have a cup of tea next door.

I don't think walking home is a problem depending on the roads - if there's no streets to cross, or there are lollipop people, and the child in question knows to ring a parent as soon as they get home, I don't see a massive problem.

I think independence is best learned gradually. At 11 most kids are walking to/from school alone and spend time after school alone as there's no after-school clubs and parents are working. You can't just give a child no independence and expect them to cope with that on their first day of secondary. They need practise and to get used to it in advance.

metalmum15 · 13/07/2017 12:12

My dd is 9 and she doesn't walk home alone, long way and busy roads to cross. I see many kids the same age walking on their own and a lot of them are still not sensible enough, ime. They push and shove each other, run out onto busy roads and pay no attention to traffic. If you don't want him walking alone, that's perfectly fine. He's still a kid and he's got plenty of time to grow up yet.

metalmum15 · 13/07/2017 12:12

My dd is 9 and she doesn't walk home alone, long way and busy roads to cross. I see many kids the same age walking on their own and a lot of them are still not sensible enough, ime. They push and shove each other, run out onto busy roads and pay no attention to traffic. If you don't want him walking alone, that's perfectly fine. He's still a kid and he's got plenty of time to grow up yet.

Mari50 · 13/07/2017 12:13

My DD is 8 and I'm happy for her to walk a mile or so home on her own which she does when I'm not working, I wouldn't give her the key to the house to let herself in until I got home though because there would be about 3 hours alone time. If I was getting home half an hour after her then maybe I'd think about it if I was a lone parent with no one else to help out.
With regards to your own child then if you aren't comfortable then YANBU but if you're judging the other parents for their decisions then YABU because it's not really your business and you don't know the whole story (older siblings coming in etc etc)

fluffiphlox · 13/07/2017 12:14

I am ancient. I used to walk home from school at 7 and be on my own for about 45 minutes until my mum got in. I lived to tell the tale. There wasnt even any telly to watch in those days. It would entirely depend on the child, context and home circumstances.

corythatwas · 13/07/2017 12:15

Home alone as in home alone all afternoon after school without someone having seen you arrive home or being an adult presence after school? Too young.

Home alone for 10 minutes while you pop down the road for some milk? Usually fine.

Walking home alone along a safe route having been checked out by a teacher and awaited by a parent who will notice straightaway if you don't turn up on time. Probably fine.

coddiwomple · 13/07/2017 12:17

I was taking myself to school and home again aged 5.

nowadays I would not leave a 5 year old go to school alone, mainly because of the horrendous driving skills of some parents who are an absolute hazard around the schools. You narrowly avoid being run over as an adult sometimes, I would not trust them near a small child.

InMySpareTime · 13/07/2017 12:18

My DS walked to school and back from Y2 (aged 7, nearly 8). We practiced the route, the one road to cross had a keeper who knew to look out for him, and he had a key tied to his school bag to let himself in.
He was fine, is now 15.
I could not walk him as I had to take DD to a different school on foot, it was the only way to get them both to school on time.

AlphaBites · 13/07/2017 12:21

I would. My just 8yr old (3 weeks ago!) if I lived within a mile of the school I would let walk home from yr 4. She can cross a road safely and is OK in her own company for short periods. I have left her for 5-15 mins at home many times whilst I have gone to a neighbours or to a park over the road to stretch the dogs legs just before dinner. Independence has to be learned gradually and mine is slowly building hers.

Still can't leave her in a car out of site at a petrol station though ! weird child

siblingproblems · 13/07/2017 12:21

Home alone no, but I think it's a good age to start walking to and from from school alone (at least partially) to build independence.

fruitpastille · 13/07/2017 12:24

Our primary actively encourage kids to walk home independently from the start of year 5 and parents sign a permission slip for it.

RedSkyAtNight · 13/07/2017 12:24

Normal round here assuming they are not left for hours on their own after school. 9 also seems to be the point where parents let their DC "play out" on their own - which in the summer holidays means out all days and only coming back for meals.

(actually I remember doing the same thing myself aged 9 and my route was certainly not safe - involved crossing a busy main road).

BackforGood · 13/07/2017 12:26

Agree with everyone else - it does depend on the route, and on the child. My youngest used to love walking home on her own at that age, but they aren't generally 'alone' when they come out of school, are they ? They are alongside a crowd of other parents and children. Then it depends on the route - roads to cross / distance / how wide the pavements are / are the crossing wardens or zebras or pedestrian lights or even if they don't need to cross. Then it depends how much they are used to walking - if they've walked that route to school for last 5 or 6 years they'll be a lot more used to it than if you've driven them.
Then it depends on the child's personality and confidence and what they feel happy with.

Re being 'home alone', again, it's something you build up..... leave them while you nip to the postbox, or while you go to neighbour's next door, then while you go to the corner shop, then maybe when you the weekly shop, or nip and collect a sibling from something. Then you build up. Again, depends on the child's personality and confidence, but also what 'back up' you have if they are worried.... neighbours?... Grandparent at the end of the street?... etc... and also if they have practised and are comfortable using phones.

drinkingtea · 13/07/2017 12:26

You are being precious, unless you live by the side of a duel carriage way or the route home is along dangerous roads without pavements, or something similar.

MrGrumpy01 · 13/07/2017 12:30

My yr 5 dd did on occasion. Dh had to be in 2 places at the same time so she would walk the 2mins home (no roads) and wait the few mins until Dh was home. It wasn't a daily occurrence but she was fine when she did it.

Mumski45 · 13/07/2017 12:30

My 9 year old DS2 is left home alone for short periods and he is fine, usually its when I am taking/collecting DS1 from an after school activity. He wants to walk home on his own but I haven't let him yet as DS1 didn't until year 6 however I am sure he would cope well if I let him. I just like having the walk to and from school myself as I work from home and sometimes need some fresh air.
I would leave him home alone after school for a short while if I needed to but not until 7pm.

MerryMarigold · 13/07/2017 12:43

My ds2 is 8 and very mature (he has an older brother and I would say they are the same level of maturity), so it depends on the child. I haven't let him walk to and from school alone yet, but I actually trust him more than my ds1 as he is very, very careful and also very quick thinking.

I have left my 8yos at home alone whilst doing pick ups/ drop offs from clubs. I'd be away max of 20mins (often less) and we have a lot of neighbours they know very well if anything happened and an adult was needed.

drinkingtea · 13/07/2017 12:44

Kids walk home from age 6 where we live, but the infrastructure is different and driving your kids to school is pretty much antisocial behaviour, plus there are crossing patrols (volunteers on a rota, most parents can juggle to do it once per fortnight unless they're very entitled types) on any busier roads. The UK isn't set up for 6 year olds but most 9 year olds should be more than capable, baring especially long or dangerous routes or relevant special needs.

The same goes for leaving kids home alone - as others have said part of decent parenting is building up to this gradually from younger than 9 and being sure emergency drills, emergency contacts, using the phone etc are second nature, not giving them 101 instructions all at once in a fluster at 2 minutes notice when they are 10 or 11.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 13/07/2017 12:49

The DC's elementary school lets children walk and cycle home from the age of 9. A boy who lives up the street used to cycle five miles to and from school every day - but he used to go in a group with his younger brother and their friends.

BewareOfDragons · 13/07/2017 12:52

I think society and most parents are way too precious these days in refusing to allow their children to grow up, have some independence and be confident in getting on with things by themselves. We're damaging our children by so much hovering and 'protecting' where protection isn't really needed.

If your child is a responsible child, let him walk home alone!