To think 9 is too Young to be home along/ walking home alone

[Happyhappyveggie]

Aibu here? A few of DS's school friends are walking home alone from school and being at home on their own after school too. DS is 9 and year 4 going into year 5. He's mature and sensible but I still think he's too young but am I being precious?

DS's school lets children in Year 4 walk to and from school alone in the summer term. They move to middle school in a nearby town in Y5 and have to travel there by bus. This summer term is designed to get the parents children used to the idea.

Yes, I notice this is just the age 8 / 9 where they tend to start walking themselves if very close to school, and the teacher starts letting them out themselves through Year 3 at our school.

As others say, it really depends on the child and the journey home. Mine won't be walking alone till around year 5 or 6, but we live across two busy roads. Children living very close are starting to do so now (8) I will start to let him meet me at the park next to school after the summer and then part of the way to see how he gets on, first.

When i grew up, in the countryside was wandering around from about 5 or 6 though.

Do you think times have changed or it is more dangerous nowadays? i'm not sure. It definitely used to be different. in the 70s/80s

My children started walking home from school alone occasionally from year 3. In my view it's the safest way to start teaching some independence and responsibility as you know exactly what time they are leaving school, and so when to expect them home. There are also likely to be other parents/children walking similar routes at the same time. Independence and getting around by themselves can then be built up gradually, so they are already confident travellers by year 7, when it is really important.

Where we live, year 7 children need to catch 1 or 2 buses to a different town or city to get to secondary school, sometimes with a change of bus in the town centre. Prepararing for this early and taking it gradually means they aren't worrying about transport as well as worrying about starting a new school. I know one parent who walked her DD to and from primary school throughout year 6, and then in year 7 expected the DD to catch a public bus to a different town and walk herself the 15 mins to school from the bus stop. Needless to say the daughter really struggled and got lost several times.

That's around the age that DS's school is happy to release them on their own. The catchment is very small and in a quiet suburban estate. The maximum distance is about half a mile and most roads are cul-de-sacs.

A few days ago, I let DS 6.5 walk about 200m home on his own. He's an ultra-cautious sort of child, and the chances of one of the 16 cars belonging to the 8 houses of the cul-de-sac he had to cross, or a car reversing out of one of the 8 open driveways along the route is very slim, and the traffic doesn't get past 15mph. It was a spontaneous decision in the face of a disagreement between him and DS2 about their preferred route home. (He's got a hell of a lot more sense than some teenagers I've supervised on school trips!) This doesn't mean I'm going to let him roam free, but it was a low risk taster of independence and we were coming back to the same point within about 30 seconds of each other. They have to start somewhere in safe surroundings and build up gently.

(DS2 however... very different child...)

DS is going into year 5 in Sept (he'll be 10 in Oct) and wants to be allowed to walk to/from school on his own. I'm giving it careful thought! It's about 20mins walk, a few roads to cross
His school is opposite another primary and near a secondary and there are always tons of kids walking that route at that time.
He's sensible and I trust him on his own but I would worry if he walked with friends as I see groups of late primary/early secondary kids on that route now, acting like complete idiots, running across roads, pushing each other about etc. He'd likely be home shortly before me as well (only by about 10mins or so) so would need a key and I'd like him to have a phone. Feels like a lot of responsibility! But I do think it's important to build up some independence.

Depends. Mine did as it only involved crossing one road on a housing estate.

Are you being precious? Could be, as Hong Kong Phooey would say.

DS1 is 9 and started walking to and from school alone a couple of months ago.
He crosses one road at a pedestrian crossing and it's about a 6 minute walk, with lots of other people walking (2 primaries and one secondary school nearby).
I think it's important to build up their independence gradually. It's been really good for him, especially as he has dyspraxia and struggles with lots of other things.
I would leave him home alone for 10-15 minutes max.

@coddiwomple

It was 1973 and we lived in a small village. I didn't have a choice in the matter. I did actually step out into the road at a junction as a car was turning in and was knocked down. I was told off by the driver and just went home. I never mentioned it to my Mother for fear of getting into trouble. I wasn't hurt as such but bruised and frightened.

My Eldest DC was about 10 ish.

My just 10 and 11.5 yr old
Dd's walks back from school, let them selves in and are in for 45 mins to an hour alone before I get home most days. they ring me when they are on their way home.They let the dog out and watch telly. I feel happier as they are together (and we have friends who are in nearby in a real emergency)-I don't let dd2 walk alone or be at home alone for longer than 15 mins really-with dd1 there she is ok.
(But that's less to do with her age, more to do with her randomness)

My ds was walking home with friends at 7 from school.
But school was in next street in a culture de sac. This was nearly 20 years ago though. He was absolutely fine

Cul de sac obviously!

DD is in Y3 and next year might walk home alone on occasion when I'm working from home. She'll be walking with loads of other children and parents, along a route with two crossing patrols. I'll be at home, so she can call me if there's a problem (no crossing patrol or feels worried). It's a safe route.

I wouldn't leave her at home alone but I guess people seeing her walk home alone might not know I'm at home, working. I think it would give DD a great sense of responsibility.

I'd say that's the ideal age to start walking to and from school alone. Here at age 11 children start catching the public buses to the secondary schools. It seems sensible to have had a couple of years of being more independent at primary school in preparation for that.
I think people who don't allow independence in suitable steps are actually doing more harm than good to their children in the long run.

MaidenMotherCrone I didn't mean I was judging your parents, I was just criticising current parents who show complete disregard for anyone else when they drive their kids to school! Having kids themselves, they really should know better.

It must have been so frightening to be knocked over!

My DS1 is 9. I allow him to walk home on his own. It's about a 5-10 min walk crossing one reasonably busy road with a pedestrian crossing. I only allow it as I'm on mat leave so Im home waiting for him. When I return to work my childminder does the school pick up/drop off.
I wouldn't allow him to walk home to an empty house, although I do allow him to stay in the house on his own whilst I pop out (max half hour and only if I'm walking to local shop or walking dog - I wouldn't do it if it meant I had to drive anywhere in case the car broke and I couldn't get back quickly). I always ensure he has the home phone close so can contact me on my mobile. We also have certain rules of what he's not allowed to do whilst on his own.
I think it all depends on your child, how mature and trustworthy they are.

I honestly didn't take it that way coddi

A little lot more parenting on my Mother's part wouldn't have gone amiss.

I cannot even begin to imagine that happening to my DC at any age and them not telling me through fear.

Depends on the child and where they live. A live 0.3 miles from the school. I've started leaving my 9 year old at home for 15 minutes if I have to pick other DC up from after school club.

I wasn't planning on letting him out to play yet but a little while ago a few of his friends called for him and it's clear they are all allowed out. I relented and let him go. I wasn't keen on him crossing out road as cars can drive a bit too fast on it but I can't hold him back forever. Recently younger D.C. was ill so I let 9 year old walk to school, I had phoned the school anyway, explained and they said they would ensure he had arrived. Seemed daft not to let him when I let him out to play for longer than it would take him to walk to school.

In just over 2 years he will.need to start getting himself to a secondary school that's no where near our house so i'd rather start giving small freedoms now for him to learn rather then wrapping him up then shoving him off without a clue in a couple of years time. So far he is enjoying the responsibility and is being more sensible than I have him credit for.

I have a 9yo, she is allowed to walk to school and back alone, but it's only 250 yards or so. I will also leave her home along for up to an hour, usually while I'm taking the little two to swimming lessons. She knows how to lock and unlock the doors and can go to either my next door or over the road neighbours if she needs to. She's a very sensible girl, all she really wants to do is read or watch iPlayer. No hot drinks, no answering the phone or the door.

depends on child.

dd2 is same age as your ds. There are no roads to cross. We have spent this year gradually letting her walk more and more often, now she comes and goes by herself.
We did it once or twice last year with permission. School is happy from year 4, but was a bit uneasy with her doing it in year 3 (depsite our house backing on to school field, so really close)

At the same time we have been allowing her to go to the corner shop and the library, and walk down to her friends and knock.

It is part of letting go.

She is youngest of 3 and we did same with all 3. They are all sensible dependable and very independent. The older 2 travel by bike and trian to secondary school, and are happy to jump on to a bus.

The age group with the most road accidents is first year at secondary, kids who never wlaked anywhere until they started year 7.

As to leaving at home, she stays here with her older brother, and occasionally for 30 minutes on her own.

no answering the phone can I ask why?
I prefer when mine do answer the phone, so I can check on them, so I am curious why you feel it's best not to.

Funny how ppl think it's ok for a child to walk to school alone or play on the streets but not safe for them to be home alone 🤔

I personally think primary school age is too young to walk to/from school or alone at home.

as well as depending on the child, it does also depend on your road and neighbours.
My kids know about 6 houses where I would be happy for them to knock if there was a problem, one of those is really good friend of theirs.
Round the corner, 2 minutes walk away is one of my closest friends and they all know how to find her number on speed dial.

Our road does have fast traffic, but it is a dead end, so no through traffic.

If I lived in a busy London suburb and didn't know my nieghbours I might do it differently

I walked to and from school from the age of 7 and was allowed to stay in the house by myself for a couple of hours at a time from 9 or 10.

I wouldn't do it.

I have four from 8-12 and I have a minder for after school and holidays.

I'll have a minder until youngest starts secondary school.