AIBU to think wife attending DH's corporate event is incredibly dated?

[windygallows]

I work for a large educational charity and we hold lots of events, either fundraising events or events to launch initiatives and projects many related to partnership working. The events can range from informal to formal, sometimes stand up drinks and sometimes a proper sit down formal dinner.

While most of those invited come alone - don't bring a partner -
including our senior executive team, our male CEO (age 55) INSISTS on bringing his wife EVERY TIME. She comes to every event and when there is a dinner, sits at the 'high table' with him.

While I can understand this used to be common in the past, it feels a very outdated practice now. Why does his wife need to be there? By bringing her, what is he trying to say about himself? And on the most practical level is it fair that the company, a charity, continues to pay for fancy dinners and nights out for his wife?

I can understand that some of our older donors may expect this set up or may bring their wives as well but...surely gone are the days when this practice is normal? I remember my mother saying she couldn't WOH as she needed to be available to go to Corporate events and effectively 'do hospitality' for my Dad.

I really hate the idea that the wife is some kind of trophy or accessory who tags along to work events for her DH. AIBU?

Or maybe she both enjoys it and adds value? Increases the usefulness of your CEO. Perhaps it is you who can only see her as an accessory.

I'm glad you mentioned the absolute waste of money this represents as it was my first and main thought on the issue. But then, I have a lot of objections surrounding financial waste and/or corruption in charitable organisations. For that reason alone, YANBU.

If he knows there will be some people who have brought spouses, then it's fair enough that he does. Which is fine, because some people choose to, but ther's no expection that you must.

Seating spouses together is pretty normal.

How does she 'insist'?

If he is complaining about his wife to hisnstaff, this is both incredibly unprofessional and also disloyal to her.

It only happens at awards things in my industry now - it's against the policies for the bribery act that are now in place.

Different if they pay for their own space.

Pre-dc, I loved going to my DH's work things, but I just love a free dinner and drinks. I'd go to one of his work things before I'd go to some of his mates' weddings tbh. He's only been invited to one of mine, but he came along. Lots of husbands / partners, both male and female did.

You're not being unreasonable at all to think it's outdated. I think it's seen as a 'perk' if you like.
My DH gets invited to loads of these and he's expected to bring me along.
I agree, charities need to think of the cost too, these are never quick sausage roll and bottle of pop affairs either. I understand it's about honouring people, pats on the back or fundraising, but is it really raising more than is spent? Would the folk being honoured not prefer a salary increase or bonus instead?
I'm looking forward to the day they all stop doing it.

DH works for a massive, plc though, not a charity. Even still, partners seem to be invited less frequently these days as they can't really justify it while they're making redundancies etc.

If he is a CEO I assume he works long hours. And when out for work in the evening might enjoy having his wife there.

I often attend events for my partners work/volunteering and he does for me.

Sorry, back again, but having given this some thought... How fucking galling is it to think that if I throw in a tenner towards a charity it pays for Mrs Jones' starter instead of the cause I donated towards? Ridiculous and very, very wrong.

It is a bit outdated now. One of DH's colleagues takes his wife everywhere with him - think conferences, dinners etc. I always think that it's odd and, if I can put it in the nicest possible way, it's not that great for the person who has to sit next to her, in that he or she has come to a work related function to talk about work related things on that topic. And she doesn't know anything about that, as it's not her area of expertise.

A purely social occasion? Why not. But anything else (awards ceremonies possibly excepted), no.

I don't understand why you have such an issue with his wife being there? Other than a cost implication for the meal, I see no other issue, she may well add value.

The only one time I have ever ever seen a woman have an issue with a wife being there like this was because the woman in question had a proper thing for the man, unsure if it was an affair or she was just besotted. But she felt the same way. No one else gave a shit.

Is there another reason you don't want his wife there and are taking such exception to it?

We don't know how her place was paid for (if purely a guest).

Nor what her skills and qualifications might be.

Nor how much findraising/entertainment she does for the charity - just because she's nit an employee doesn't mean she isn't a useful volunteer fundraiser.

If a past career I had to organise half yearly conferences for our sales teams, around 100-120 attendees, overnight, so was always looking for large venues.
Since childhood I had loved a local 'castle' that we often used to drive past but had never visited so I was delighted to see they now did conferences within our budget. I sent off for the conference pack.

They offered a VIP suite comprising three rooms - bedroom, sitting room and a fully equipped kitchen when the VIP's wife could feel right at home while she waited for her lord and master to finish his oh so important business each day. OMG.

I've still never visited my lovely 'castle', sigh.

*In, not if

If you have such an issue with the charity's money being spent in this way then you should perhaps consider not going yourself.

I don't know how I'd feel about being the only non employee at a work event though. The Ines I've been to I have been invited to, as have all the partners.

Op, are all partners invited? If not, I actually can see how this is a little unfair of the CEO.

the events, not the Ines . Weird typo.

AuntieStella I don't know if the CEO 'insists' on bringing his wife, but she's there every time so he definitely adds her to the invite list and asks her to attend. I'm sure he doesn't physically force her to attend but she is there EVERY time.

Decaff some of the VIPs are asked to bring their partner/get a '+1' invitation but staff and most of those invited DO NOT. So if there were 200 people in the room, I'd say about 20-30 were able to bring a guest.

I can see that she might be tasked with entertaining the other 'wives/partners' of important, white men but even that idea feels terribly old fashioned.

My DH attends non work related functions - I hate them. I hate small talk, can never remember people when they remember me (and what we talked about last time we met) and hate eating late. So I avoid going.

I'd never make it as a corporate wife.

Floella I only attend about 10% of the events and often because I need to be there in a professional capacity. I see the event lists and arrange the photography, so am able to see who is there.

I'd LOVE to be able to change tact and not do so many events, and I've suggested as such, but it's not my call.

He might pay for her space?

It is unusual IME though, I used to work for a charity and the only 'event' you'd see partners at was the Christmas party. And we paid for their spaces.

I wouldn't think this usual for the charity sector, please don't tar all with the same brush everyone!

RoseAndRose Lets assume (correctly I would bet) that her meal is being paid for by the charity in question. And most likely an overnight stay in a suite.

Lets assume she is a lovely person who is qualified in a non-related field. Or perhaps her role is to iron the kecks of the CEO and keep his home and raise his children. Both have value before anyone goes down that road... Point being, she is a skilled person but does not work directly for the charity.

Lets assume her only 'contribution' to the charity is to be Mrs CEO.

How do you feel about your monthly standing order or one off donations paying for her prawn cocktail with none left over for the actual cause?

I don't really get why they'd only invite partners of some staff and not others. Are the VIPs staff? Maybe she's there to entertain them? That is quite old fashioned though...

I work for a very large university. Our boss (the vice chancellors wife) does all the corporate hospitality stuff for him. They seem to be a double act even though I'm fairly sure it was only him interviewed for the top job, not a job share. So old fashioned.