AIBU to think wife attending DH's corporate event is incredibly dated?

[windygallows]

I work for a large educational charity and we hold lots of events, either fundraising events or events to launch initiatives and projects many related to partnership working. The events can range from informal to formal, sometimes stand up drinks and sometimes a proper sit down formal dinner.

While most of those invited come alone - don't bring a partner -
including our senior executive team, our male CEO (age 55) INSISTS on bringing his wife EVERY TIME. She comes to every event and when there is a dinner, sits at the 'high table' with him.

While I can understand this used to be common in the past, it feels a very outdated practice now. Why does his wife need to be there? By bringing her, what is he trying to say about himself? And on the most practical level is it fair that the company, a charity, continues to pay for fancy dinners and nights out for his wife?

I can understand that some of our older donors may expect this set up or may bring their wives as well but...surely gone are the days when this practice is normal? I remember my mother saying she couldn't WOH as she needed to be available to go to Corporate events and effectively 'do hospitality' for my Dad.

I really hate the idea that the wife is some kind of trophy or accessory who tags along to work events for her DH. AIBU?

Do any of the posters on here aside from me actually work in the charity sector?

This is not unusual! I know this might surprise people but this is not unusual in the charity sector!

I agree it's very old fashioned. As corporate belts have tightened, this isn't common now.

It does happen in reverse occasionally though. I know of one man, senior in his profession in his own right, who was (in his words) a corporate handbag for a year while his wife undertook the presidency of something that required lots of event attendance at home and abroad. They are in the same profession though, so being at these events was probably good networking for him, and he could discuss matters related to the relevant profession.

I do Giant. And while it's not unusual, it's not good practice.

but YOU decided that this woman has no other function than to turn up as frippery and that her presence is of no value at all. You decided to convey that interpretation.

Hissy sorry but I never said that. I said I hate the IDEA of something.

Why are you so chippy? This post isn't about women's value in the main, it's about the practice of a charity. If you think a partner attending an event is making a huge contribution to a charity by donating her time and networking skills, then fine but I generally think the costs outweigh the benefits.

Funny how a man can go with his wife as her partner, but a woman has to be a trophy or accessory who tags along

I am not a trophy, my DH doesn't see it that way, its more a treat for me, plus I have actually got business out of networking.

I would say if it were a woman CEO coddi. It's outdated and poor practice.

Are some people seriously trying to pretend we aren't living in a patriarchy where successful rich men don't treat their wives like accessories? Seriously?

Op is pissed off because the CEO gets to invite a partner and the OP doesn't. That's really what this thread is about.

missy I promised I am not 'pissed' that I don't get to bring a partner to said events. Why would you come to that conclusion? It just belittles the argument.

One, I don't have a partner. Two, I wouldn't want to bring them if I did. And three, I'm an introvert and find these events really painful. The only reason I attend is that I have to for professional purposes - like I have to be there to coordinate elements of the event.

Are some people seriously trying to pretend we aren't living in a patriarchy where successful rich men don't treat their wives like accessories? Seriously?

Some do, and some are very happy about the arrangement. Rich football players have no shortage of "fans" desperate to get in the game and marry rich. It doesn't mean all wives of rich football players are trophy wives.
I don't need to pretend that all rich men are this or that, because they are all individual and different.

There are female CEO too you know.

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I can see both sides of this. As a CEO of a large corporatised charity, much of the CEOs time is devoted to extra curricular "work" ie dinners, awards, networking, travel etc and as such its not unreasonable to have a level of payback (albeit charitable funds) by allowing his wife to attend larger events. However I understand the complaint regarding spending of charitable funds, but food is generally the smaller cost here so perhaps £100 cost would MORE than cover the food and drink consumed. The "benefit" of his wife attending these events has to be declared by the CEO and as I understand it can also be taxed. However a wife attendign can also be invaluable in terms of the socialising with high net worth individuals who will frequently be persuaded to sign very high value cheques on the night - ie 10k plus per person. Charities who do this are very well aware of the dissonance of charitable giving and posh events in terms of how they appear to ordinary givers. Larger events such as balls are often accounted separately within the books and all of these are publically available. They are also subject to audit. Staff including CEO and wife are expected to be on duty the whole night and "host" guests and that will be what his wife or were CEO a women her Husband are doing there is a pair. The one I worked for was a female CEO and her Husband attended and had lots of smaller jobs to attend on the evening, ferrying things about, engaging certain folk (yes they were briefed on this) and it is a double act. I was involved in reviewing and auditing process around these events, and whilst staff are assisted with costs of outfits and travel etc, this is out of normal working hrs, often they are not allowed to drink or limited to say one or two and it is self funded, and questions if not disciplinaries follow if not, but also many of the fundraising staff are not that well paid and even in some cases are volunteering.

So whilst I understand the image portrayed, the reality is often very different. Charities are answerable to the Charities commission and HMRC as any other organisation is.

As to OPs complaint - really this forum is not the place - raise it through HR and get an official response but I think you are not understanding the spirit of the contribution she is making here

I did a walk for "Walk the Walk" in Glasgow. Between 3 of us we raised £860 which we were very proud of. However, we met at a city centre hotel where the organiser, husband, baby and nanny were staying. Expensive hotel. They were there 2 nights and we were asked to "walk fast" as they were going on holiday (in Scotland). They had flown up.

I think 2 nights in a hotel plus meals and flights would have chewed up pretty much all of our efforts.

Stinks! Really, really stinks.

Her husband took a few photos but that is all. Both of them worked for the charity but it left a very bitter taste.

So, no, wife / partner should only be there if as a paying guest or in his / her own capacity.