AIBU to think wife attending DH's corporate event is incredibly dated?

[windygallows]

I work for a large educational charity and we hold lots of events, either fundraising events or events to launch initiatives and projects many related to partnership working. The events can range from informal to formal, sometimes stand up drinks and sometimes a proper sit down formal dinner.

While most of those invited come alone - don't bring a partner -
including our senior executive team, our male CEO (age 55) INSISTS on bringing his wife EVERY TIME. She comes to every event and when there is a dinner, sits at the 'high table' with him.

While I can understand this used to be common in the past, it feels a very outdated practice now. Why does his wife need to be there? By bringing her, what is he trying to say about himself? And on the most practical level is it fair that the company, a charity, continues to pay for fancy dinners and nights out for his wife?

I can understand that some of our older donors may expect this set up or may bring their wives as well but...surely gone are the days when this practice is normal? I remember my mother saying she couldn't WOH as she needed to be available to go to Corporate events and effectively 'do hospitality' for my Dad.

I really hate the idea that the wife is some kind of trophy or accessory who tags along to work events for her DH. AIBU?

"networking and making small talk at corporate events IS IN FACT a fundraising activity, then she should be on the fucking payroll"

Why? Do you have no volunteers, only paid staff?

Purple FGS I am NOT saying that all these women do or can do is SMALL TALK but that this is the ASSUMPTION when you invite guests/partners to an event. And I hate the assumption so want to stop the practice.

An event is only an event. They're not exactly closing a deal at the event - there is a limit to what can take place there.

I cannot see a female CEO dragging along her husband (or indeed her wife) to corporate events.

Of course some do, but there are less female CEO than male so it's possibly less frequent.
I know quite a few women (or male colleagues going to their wive's events) who invite their husband to various things, hardly a big deal. The ones I know work for private companies, so it's slightly different.

DH and I are occasionally invited to various corporate events, it's not frequent but not that unusual.

Theresa May seem to go to a few things with her husband.

An alternative view is that she is basically volunteering for the charity by giving her time to support to these events whilst not taking a wage.

There are many ways she could be adding more value than the cost of her prawn cocktail at these events.

You do seem pretty confident that you know a lot about a virtual stranger, and what she does during her own time.

That may or may not be confirmation bias, since you seem to have made up your mind that this is down to him, insisting on her being a trailing spouse/trophy wife/accessory.

Again, that may or may not be true but you don't know them, so ironically it could turn out that you are indeed the somewhat sexist/old fashioned thinker in making all these assumptions.

Punjana only on MN would someone propose that attending a fancy event and eating a nice meal be seen as the attendee's contribution to a charity. Nice.

You do seem determined to think badly of her though. Do you think you should have a place at the top table, instead of her? I can see why that would be irritating.

Im getting a spidey sense that OP would prefer the wife not to be there so she can get the CEO pissed and try it on

Seriously OP let it go, Im quite sure the CEO knows how to run things so that his wife attending a few events doesn't bleed the charity dry.

I was making a comment about the fact that 99% of the VIPs who attend our events are older white men. FGS I'm not being racist

Yeah, you are. They ain't all white by your own admission, why mention skin colour? It's irrelevant. And you're being horribly judgemental.

^ yes absolutely THIS.

Not only are you racist OP, you are sexist too. Your bitterness seeps from every character you've typed.

Charities are businesses, and as part of operations, there are costs. Just because the ends of the business is to raise money does not mean that there are no costs for marketing, promotion and socialising. In fact, socialising is one of the key routes to raise awareness and funds.

There is a cost to the business to hold these events and it is a perk of the VIPs to have the opportunity to bring a +1 as an incentive for them to attend. Their attendance brings others/raises awareness/funds and legitimises the small additional expense of a group catered 3 course meal.

Whether you think it's outdated or not, at that level of society it's at the very least polite to invite a VIP and their +1.

Whether she works out of the home or not is nothing to do with you, you should put your jealousy back in the box it came in. You have no right to be so judgemental about something that doesn't affect you and is none of your business.

Purple FGS I am NOT saying that all these women do or can do is SMALL TALK but that this is the ASSUMPTION when you invite guests/partners to an event. And I hate the assumption so want to stop the practice.

Then stop assuming and get on board with the fact that she may be doing lots of things behind the scenes, or even linked to her own career/place of work.

As I said, I knew my son's HT's wife for 25 years and only found out last night just how much she's done for the school through the Alumni.

I suppose you would have assumed she was a trophy wife, tagging along to make small talk, at her husband's insistence if you'd seen her at one of their many events.

Worral I have known the CEO and their DP for 7 years and I have had conversations with others about the set up. I will never know the inner workings of either of their minds, or what they agree between them.

Does that mean we should condone whatever anyone does because we don't and will never know the whole picture? What you're suggesting is that we don't make judgement calls about anyone or any situation.

That seems like a fairly amoral approach to life.

Anyone of the belief that the wife is paying for her own meal is dreaming. It would reaffirm my faith in humanity if that were the case. If Mr and Mrs CEO quietly said to themselves, you know what, this is after all a charity, you know for people who need money. So lets Do The Right Thing and not take money from the CHARITY to pay for your food. I'd shake their fucking hands and pay for her meal myself if they were that benevolent. The chances of it happening? Zero and none.

They will go eat, drink, be merry and 'network' all night long on your and my donations. Jesus. Think I need to hide this thread, it's doing my blood pressure no favours!

Get to know the woman and you'll find out for sure if she's a freeloader. Don't just assume she is because she's someone's wife . She could be an excellent and productive volunteer, in spite of being married to a man. Imagine that!

Hissy why is it bitter to suggest that bringing a wife along to a corporate event is an outdated practice? I would only be bitter if I was jealous and I'm not. It's not wrong to have an opinion about such things or to disagree. That doesn't make someone bitter!

She is there as Mrs CEO. Which I think is old fashioned sexist and wasteful.

If was there as Volunteer Fundraiser from Committee 15B, she could be listed as such.

Anyone who thinks some (not all) charities don't run like any other business and have perks etc for their staff are seriously deluded.

ermm... oh you ^ARE jealous!

You are being needlessly vicious, racist and sexist. The terminology and your wording of it are screaming jealousy.

So ugly.

Well if it's a coporate fundraiser I can see the value in the CEO having someone with him who can keep his guests entertained and feel favourable towards the charity to want to donate. She could well be doing anything from keeping him right with names, to topping up their glasses so they put more in the auction envelopes . She might be an extra pair of ears who can gather info on how 'hot' a prospect potential funders are, or help identify when the charity is flogging dead horse and needs to look elsewhere for money.

"They will go eat, drink, be merry and 'network' all night long on your and my donations."

The OP and the rest of the staff attending the events do this also, not just the CEOs DW.

I also think you're jealous. Very much so. I just can't work out why, do you have a thing for him?

Others bring their partners. Why is your venom and obsession saved for her?

Bottom line. He wants her there, do with that what you will.

In my lowly opinion, you sound miffed that +1 is selective and therefore you resent her presence.
The cost of her meal should be paid for by the couple themselves if she is indeed "just" and accessory. Dh could suffer from anxiety who knows.
Without know the ins and outs of there life it's not possible to make a one size fits all decision.
Sometimes in life it's a case of who you know, not what you know. Maybe she knows some VIP's who could help the charity.
You do sound abit over invested in her attendance.
I hadn't considered the waste of charitable money to invite partners for no reason because ive always had to pay I for myself. Which I think it's absolutely the right thing to do.

Look, if you don't like it (which you CLEARLY don't) then you have 2 choices - speak up and tell the HR department or whoever can raise it as a concern or leave and work somewhere else that better fits with your morals. All you are doing currently is appearing bitter (and a bit racist and sexist)

What I'm suggesting OP is that you open your mind, as from everything you've typed here, it seems pretty closed.

You're making judgments about a couple who you know very little about.

Fair enough if that's your thing, but the fact you've firmly decided the whole set up is sexist and old fashioned and labelled it as so, is just a bit silly.

You'd need to know far more about this couple in order to justify your decision.

Their life .... not "there life". Ops

My DH works in a very male dominated sector, they have a lot of after work drinks, sometimes race nights or dinners but the best events are by far when he can take me along, the men seem to love it. I know its dated but I love getting a lovely dress, going to a ball and staying overnight in a hotel (hotel sex rocks). I love the networking and get to know his colleagues partners too.

I did a bit of a survey across my customer base (execs) and again they said that they like the partner or family events as they feel like its a bit of pay back.