to think schools are making too many demands on parents

[rubyblue]

...for time and money. I've had three texts this week about concerts, assembly and two demands for donations towards a beach area in the playground. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed by the weekly events during the day which you're texted about and chased by the Class rep to attend I work from full time form home so I have some flexibility but it's too much. The fundraising is another issue as they are always asking but it's not for essential things like books - an outdoor beach play area is the latest. How do you cope? One Mum said she doesn't engage with it at all but I struggle with the guilt.

I agree op.

Last day of term here, and I had 7 emails from dd's secondary school.

Two of them were advising about forthcoming events/dates that required an rsvp slip and payment.

The other five were from subject teachers offering revision work for the holiday, with attachments to print at home.

One of those attachments was 72 pages long.

DD is expected to complete that, four other revision workbooks of (slightly) shorter length, three pieces of coursework, an overdue piece of homework (fair enough) and an extended essay of 2000 words.

She's Year 10 and cried as she looked through it all. Where is her holiday?

I could've cried myself as I tried to read it, print it, put dates in diary, return rsvp slips, write cheques.

As a secondary school teacher, I have paid £537 of my own money since last September, to make sure my students were prepared for the new 9-1 GCSE and Linear A Levels, as there is no money for new text books, resources or training for these new exams.

Just putting that out there....

And while I'm moaning, Cake Day also pissed me off.

We have to make cakes at home for our children to sell at school as a fundraiser.

Each cake or slice is sold for 10-20p, meaning that they're sold for less than the ingredients cost.

Just ask me for the cash.

Imagine a school expecting parents to clothe their children and pay for things that benefit them So many seem to think children should cost them nothing.

Schools would be very boring places if the staff stopped doing all the extras and no fundraising took place. Usually the ones moaning just don't pay yet expect their children to have the nice things, go on the trips etc.

@BarbarianMum not sure what you're in disbelief about? This is the bare minimum - that's without the extra curricular activities that we have to say no to and the other stuff.

The trip, whilst not compulsory as such, was a class trip. If she didn't go, she'd have been with a different year for three days whilst her class went away. Not sure how she couldn't have gone to that one?

The high school uniform list of compulsory items is for one jumper, one tie, one PE shorts, one PE top, one PE jogging bottoms, PE socks, and a PE fleece - all absolutely necessary and part of the agreement with the school. She doesn't have them - she gets sent home.

The other stuff is the actual makeup of the uniform - blouses, skirts, coats, shoes, bag and PE trainers etc - none of them are optional.

I most definitely did expect to clothe my child before I had her - I didn't sign up for overpriced items you can only buy from the school shop though and I haven't managed to find any second hand so far - probably because they're snapped up.

As for the other bits, the summer fair wasn't compulsory, you're right. However, the school did state there was a year six presentation with a show that all parents attended.

The prom is pretty much the same - if she doesn't go, she is the only one who isn't going - the PTA do a name and shame where parents are also expected to be involved - I've not succumbed to that though.

The prom is a huge deal.

The year six leaver's assembly + official presentation with their leaver's jumpers is another where the pressure is placed on parents so whilst not compulsory officially, it's during the school day - where is she supposed to go whilst her class have this event?

As for the high school transition week - pupils are highly recommended to attend - read pressured to.

So, these are the ones we've not been able to justify paying for/attending - there are countless others that we have.

It's really not that shocking - and most parents do struggle and do the minimum as I have.

Rainbow

I daresay there are some parents who are withholding money due to malicious intent, idleness or other nefarious purpose.

The ones I know are either genuinely struggling with time and/or money demands being placed on them, or just wish the demands seemed purposeful.

Rainy I'll never forget one pyjama day. I had to buy new as mine don't wear PJ's and as a previous poster said, this was held in November so I bought dressing gowns too. £30 to Tesco. £2 to the school

Donaj, I sympathise!

I'm a teacher and my school does not do this. Trips, events and fundraisers are planned in September and spread throughout the year. Fundraisers are for things that will benefit all pupils. Dress up days are rare and the brief is broad so everyone can take part. It can be done if schools really think about their families.

And my earlier post about today's barrage of emails and printing was not to complain about the cost, but how bloody thoughtless and miserable to bang it all out on the last day of term. I rang at 3.40 to clarify something and got a 'we are now closed until september' message.

It's the last minute nature of so much of this stuff that annoys me.

Even if we can afford the contributions, it's annoying when you have to find the right change (especially for multiple children) with only a couple of days' notice to get things sorted.

I absolutely do not begrudge the school occasionally asking for funds for trips etc. It's the last minute, cash only £5.00 here, £15 there, sign this by tomorrow, produce an outfit in three days stuff. I think the vast majority of parents at school here would prefer either an upfront contribution at the beginning of term to cover trips/materials or parentpay and one newsletter a week instead of daily notes/info which just gets lost or missed. Do we really need an email plus a letter home AND a text to say that the pudding for Wednesday is now a cake and not a biscuit? I feel sorry for the teachers, it must be infuriating.

the PTA do a name and shame where parents are also expected to be involved - I've not succumbed to that though.

Bit harsh, the PTA are (usually) trying to raise money for the school and can reasonably expect the majority of parents to make an effort once or twice a year. In some schools the number of parents volunteering through the whole year is shocking. Of course people are busy and work, but you can find one or 2 afternoons off a year, it's not too much to ask.

Even without schools or uniforms, I would still expect to purchase clothes and different sport clothes for my kids, so I can't say it's costing us any extra. In primary, they might have 2 pairs of wellies instead of one (to leave at school), but that's pretty much it.
I found it so much cheaper when they start school and they mainly wear uniforms.

The PTA would get more support if they didn't organise things that seem pointless (see my cake sale above), last minute or prohibitively expensive.

I also feel irritated when the fundraiser is for things that will only benefit a minority of kids - bibles at dd's school most recently.

In many schools they can also come across as self serving or cliquey. Not all of course, but many I've encountered over the years.

I don't mind the fund raising for the school so much its just part of the tory government, the trips are getting ott though dd last year of primary school had 3, leavers trip £197.53 camping trip 2 nights /3 days £853.47(that letter came last week of November with £50 deposit by 1st week December remainder by 31st January 😖) and day trip to zoo £79.86 all required spending money too.
Add to that 4 cancer charity demands (minimum £10 donation each😠) plus gala, dress down days £5 each,sponcered runs etc I ended up putting an angry email in and said enough is enough

The PTA would get more support if they didn't organise things that seem pointless

you do realise that the PTA is all of us? (parents?) If you disagree, join in and organise what you believe is more important or valuable.

Honestly, I am not PTA, and I have plenty of excuses (too many kids, work, no time), I just try to volunteer to a few things over the year. I just feel that it would be unreasonable for me to complain about the work done by others when I am doing nothing myself.

I seriously hope that there are no cats or foxes in the vicintiy of your school as they are likely to see all the sand in the beach area as a public convenience...

@Stressedout10 bloody hell! I thought my outgoings for the school were bad...!

Like I said, I DO appreciate the activities and the events and I've scrimped and saved and sold my car (!) in order to support my child and the school - it's just extremely expensive and as a PP stated, with the budget cuts, things are only going to get more expensive.

My dcs' (10 and 13) school generates a lot of admin for me, in terms of entering dates into diaries, payments, ensuring children have the right kit on the right days, cake making, projects, exams/tests. I can get up to 5 emails a day from ds' school alone throughout the term.

I work ft and am a pretty organised person but it is still an effort to stay on top of it all. It reaches a crescendo at the end of school year and then blissful peace.

I sympathise with the OP. Parent fatigue from excessive school communications. Sometimes, I wish I could completely outsource the schooling. I fantasise about full boarding school.

2 more days to go ...

Well your guilt is the problem as you've worked out already. It's not normal to feel totally overwhelmed by the demands.

Good lord stressed! £80 for a day trip to the zoo and an £850 residential trip? Which zoo did they go to and where was the residential? I can take our whole family of 4 to the zoo for £80.

KittyVonCat I hear you! Thank you!

I was also aghast at the £80 for the zoo and £800 camping trip. My daughter went on a school choir tour to Malta for 7 days and that was £750 including flights and a decent (4 star) resort hotel.

miaow and all the other mothers struggling with costumes. By the time dd2 was in year 5 I and a number of other hacked off mothers with more than 80 years of this between us had a pact. We all bought a load of plain white t shirts and each time one of these dress up requests came in our dds had a choice.Decorate a t-shirt/sort something out from the dressing up box or we will take a marker pen to one and write "one armed dung beetle" on it. By the start of Y6 a lot of the really stupid dress ups had stopped.

Edinburgh zoo was told that the extra money was for coach and apparently the zoo charge extra (on top of entry cost) to see the pandas 😯 as for the camping didn't let dd go who can afford that at Xmas (and I take whole family Camping for a week for less)

londonmummy1966

that's pretty much what I've done since pre-school. I think a lot of the dress-up overkill comes from competitive parents who feel the need to buy a full outfit. It much more fun for everybody to make up something than it is to wear a shop-bought costume. I would rather my kids to use their brain than my credit card.

I could have written this myself, honestly.

I work so I can't always make the school events and the ones in summer time such as sports day we're only given a weeks notice. I missed my DD's first sports day today because of that and I always feel dreadfully guilty. There's another sports day next week for my other two DC's and also youngest DC has a performance.

On top of that I feel like I'm constantly harassed for money which, to be fair, isn't the schools fault... blame the government for that one. They most recent want for money is £3 for me to buy my own child's art work!!! . As if it's not enough that we pay for school dinners (after KS1), uniforms, school trips and non uniform days... now they want money for our own child's painting. Crazy.