To want mil to show more of an interest in ds

[Fortunatepiggy]

On holiday with in laws because we thought it would be nice to encourage them to spend more time with ds who is 5. Back story mil never really shown much interest. FIL slightly better. Live in separate countries so don't see each other often. When we FaceTime mil never comes to the iPad. Perhaps had too high expectations but MIL has spent most of the week in her room reading a book or on a sun lounger reading a book. Even when I've tried to encourage engagement with ds through an activity or a game she has declined or played for a few minutes before handing over to dh or fil. Dh and I may as well have been on hols on our own! Yesterday ds drew something quite impressive and she didn't even look up. I asked her to watch him when I went to the loo and when I came back she was reading her book and ignoring him. Feel so sad for ds and dh. Dh and I have had to stick ds in front of the iPad to get any sort of break even to shower or go to loo! Am I expecting too much? Should add mil has health issues to be fair which make her tired but seems to be able to have energy to shop etc when it suits her perfectly well!

In general I try to choose a more relaxing holiday that doesn't involve a lot of cooking and cleaning and has some activities or entertainment for the dcs or a nanny or kids club for the odd hour. It's sounding like it's all quite hard work! Cleaning on holiday especially could you book somewhere with a maid service perhaps?

Your mil is not your mum, OP. She's allowed to have her own opinions and own way of doing things. Are you sure she isn't upset with you/your DH about anything? Or that her 'MH issues' aren't more serious?

Although having said that... if I took either my mil or my mum on a self-catered holiday for glorified childcare I'd get a bollocking. In our family 'childcare' is down to parents and aunts/uncles.

There's nothing like bonding over the washing up when you're on holiday in a larger group! For this very reason, my friend's dad refuses to put a dishwasher in their holiday home. And he's right! Just throw your MIL a tea towel after the next meal and have it out with her!

Sounds like she's going out of her way to prove how uninterested she is in him. Was she a cold mother?

Her loss, but you are expecting childcare to which you are not entitled.

The OP clearly said she wasn't looking for childcare.

Yep, get fil to cook for a change or suggest eating out.
Go on your ownand leave them to cook for themselves.

I can see where you're coming from, but at least she's not overbearing and interfering. There seems to be no happy medium with most MILs!

Where did I say I want childcare? I want her to at least act slightly interested in ds. We have 7 days away she has read her book in her bedroom for the majority of them come out to eat and then gone back to bedroom.

If I had wanted childcare dh and I would have booked into a nice hotel on our own with a kids club. This holiday was for them to spend some time with ds.

I also don't expect mil to do cooking etc I'm happy to do that but I would like her to offer some help watching ds when I am doing it for everyone.

And for everyone who says he doesn't need watching at 5.. I agree at home but he does when we have a pool at the villa and he can't swim

Doesn't sound like she interacts with anybody much sitting with her face in a book or hiding away with her face in a book sounds awkward id go out and about leave her to it surely if you said im going to the toilet can you watch ds she would?

Id go out to eat the atmosphere sounds awful and tense why are they letting you run about cooking ? Im not sure why you are getting a hardtime about wanting childcare she is his granny you are on holiday together and mil is ignoring everybody tbh i would just leave her to it and enjoy your holiday just the 3 of you

Why did you book a villa with a pool when your ds can't swim? Where's your dh when you're "happily" cooking? There are four adults and one five year old, why is MIL exclusively expected to fill in for you?

We have 7 days away she has read her book in her bedroom for the majority of them come out to eat and then gone back to bedroom.

Is she generally this antisocial? Is she a petty woman who looks to passively aggressively sulk?

it's disappointing she doesn't want to engage, and not what most grandparents are like.
But did she ask you to book a holiday so she could spend more time with your DS? If not, then you can't really get upset when this isn't what she wants from a holiday.
You can want her to offer to watch your DS all you like, it would be kind of her, but it's obviously not how she feels she wants to spend her holiday. I think you'll have to suck this one up and not go away with them again.

I think people are being dreadfully mean on this thread.

A villa with a pool? A good opportunity to teach your ds to swim, but of course he needs watching. Surely any half-decent mil (and indeed all the terrible ones out there) would be watching a gs like a hawk around water.

Mil wasn't interested in the dcs. She couldn't have picked out dd in a line-up. Once, when left alone with ds, who was I think 7, I overheard her struggling for conversation and coming up with, "Do you have a good wine department in your Waitrose?" Ds, to his credit, did manage to say, yes, it was big and there was wine there. She just didn't do children and avoided being left with them.

She isn't looking for her to watch her son she wants her to be interested in her grandson and to totally disregard family on a family holiday is just bloody weird. If Mil was wanting a quiet face in book holiday she should have said no i dont fancy a family holiday as it is she is lying about like the queen of bloody sheba not lifting a finger and treating it like a hotel and child is an inconvenience

Small children can be exhausting and definitely not everyone's idea of a great holiday. I was always happy with my own around me, but wouldn't have wanted other people's, even if I was related to them. Of course I would have watched that they stayed safe while mum showered etc., but my idea of a good holiday is much like your MIL's. I like the chance to read.

My parents were not "small children" people either, although did occasionally make the effort and were very good with my children when they did. It wasn't really their cup of tea though and they wouldn't have made an entire holiday out of it.

It was probably risky and presumptuous to assume that she would be itching to run around after a small child, even though he is her grandson.

Your DS's presence is not a great gift to bestow, she doesn't to to interact with him.

doesn't have to*

Your DS's presence is not a great gift to bestow, she doesn't to to interact with him.

Why be so bitchy?

I don't think the OP is acting as though her child should be the centre of his grandmother's life. I think she's just hurt that MIL is determined to show as little as interest as possible.

It's only on AIBU that people would try and explain this MIL's behaviour as being perfectly normal.

Does asking someone in the same room to keep an eye out while you nip to the loo really count as demanding childcare?

Aibu turns some posters brains to mush. The woman is on holiday with her family and ignoring them and then flouncing about not doing anything she wasn't forced to go she could have said no its not for me thank you

This is a weird aspect of mumsnet.

I agree MrsJayy.

Could she be depressed?

Maybe the MIL has been reading MN about how hated pushy MILs are and thinks it's best to take a back seat