Row - didn't attend bday dinner

[Rayraybt2006]

AIBU?? So today my DP had a huge row and I decided against going to a family event tonight as I knew we weren't talking and it would put people in an uncomfortable position.

Back story, DP HATES people (family/ friends) parking in our drive - it only fits one car and he gets annoyed if he gets home and can't park there. Today friend came to collect kids I was minding and parked there. DP expects me to tell people he prefers if they don't ( which I always do) but if they don't I'm to insist they move. I said I won't and it's his job to do if as and when he gets home. This escalated into a huge row with him roaring and shouting at me that its my fault if they park there if he's out. when I tried to resolve it shortly after he continued to ignore me.
We have his dads bday dinner tonight but I want seeing ignored land knew there was a bad atmosphere I cancelled the babysitter, said I was unwell and he would attend himself. Now I'm selfish and sly and only think of myself. He's told me he's so disappointed that's he's insisting in sleeping in the spare room so he reevaluate things.
AIBU? I think I did the right thing by removing myself from the situation and not wanting t make others uncomfortable. Help?

Tbh if he had any issue about 'showing up' in front of family that they have some problems, then he shouldn't be creating an d'atmosphère and ignoring the OP in such a situation. Because then he would have been showing up.
It's not possible to ask people to do the very things you can't do yourself IMO.

I don't understand why people think that its ok to park on your drive, I really wouldn't and would probably ask people not to but that's an aside.

Your DH is behaving very territorial and chest beating, I would sit down and have a frank conversation. His behaviour directly affects you, you were right not to go out tonight if he was going to be anything other than cordial. in my eyes you weren't feeling well genuinely after such a spat.

Thank you everyone - a lot to think about.

He left this morning without speaking to me but your responses have made me want to stand my ground on this and not just rush and give in.
I was perhaps wrong in not attending but it wasn't to spite him but rather save everyone else the awkwardness but as always hindsight is a great thing.

Why can't he just park over the drive then move onto the drive when they leave? Everyone I know who has drives do this.

He sounds awful TBH, however I think YWBU not to go out. I couldn't imagine doing that as it was him that was an arse not his family!

I think what clopysow said yesterday is spot on. Get it written on a sign outside and embarrass the dickhead ...if he is capable of that emotion!

Going completely against the grain here but I kind of see where your husband is coming from in regards to the parking situation.

It really annoys me when people park in my drive as I then have to drive around looking for a space because I can't park outside my own house or my partner when he arrives home.

I don't park on people's driveways, I just think it's rude. Especially if there was only room for one car.

Your DH reaction was OTT and to still be sulking is taking the piss.

You say you didn't go to the dinner to avoid awkwardness, but wouldn't your no show been more obvious and invite awkward questions anyway?

An argument about a driveway is a pretty daft reason to not go to a family birthday dinner.

I think some of the responses on here are so dramatic.

Unless you have a whole back story of controlling abusive behaviour I think being advised to leave your DH is silly.

@RhubardGin there's literally parking about 15m away from our front door, and I'm inclined to agree with other posters that if guests come over they should be allowed. He's also self employed so you have no idea when he'll be home (besides the point).
He was refusing to speak to me. I'm 5 months pregnant so went with a bad preggo day as an excuse. As it turns out overnight I've come down with a cold which if any calls I am Genuinely unwell now - karma.
I dunno, I don't think I would leave him over the row but the pattern of behaviour that has been emerging over the last 6 months is something to think about.

A sign OnlyTheDepthVaries

"PLEASE REFRAIN FROM PARKING HERE OR MY HISBAND WILL SHOUT AT ME THEN GIVE ME THE SILENT TREATMENT"

Sorry OP, i'm being flippant, but can you imagine how horrified your friends would be if they knew what actually happened when they park in your drive?

what pattern of behaviour? That is very worrying. Is this your first child? In which case his behaviour is changing now that you're pregnant? Charitably, perhaps he's nervous and stressed about baby. Less charitably, there's something very worrying.

It's done now but I think you should have gone to the dinner. Yes to the atmosphere, but you say yourself you get on with his parents and it was rude to cancel at the last minute. In a situation like that, if he behaved badly, I'd simply be inclined to casually say out loud, "Oh, DH and I had a fight but he's still sulking instead of trying to enjoy this lovely meal with you PIL." Hindsight though huh!?

Don't brush his behaviour under the carpet OP, you are expecting a baby, he needs to calm down.

Another who sees the parking issue as important.We did not buy THE dream cottage solely because of lack of parking space.
DH feels that it is too horribly stressful to try and find parking after a hellish work day.
Pity about the nice birthday dinner party.

Ask him why he won't tell/ask people to move off the drive, but he expects you to do it? Sounds like a right knob

And I would let him carry on sulking, he owes you an apology!

The pattern of behaviour? Do you mean making demands and expecting them to be honoured...or something else?

I've been thinking about this. In truth I don't think I have ever parked on someone's drive while visiting. I park on the street/road outside or close by. I suppose I have a sense of unease about potentially getting in someone's way. I guess I can sympathise with your dh finding a car on the drive annoying, obtrusive. I also think it's pushy to continue to park on a drive when you know the inhabitant would rather you didn't.

However, there is more to this than Drivegate isn't there? He's trying to make you responsible for keeping the drive clear for him which is in my opinion, unreasonable. Even if he finds it infuriating, he should do what most would, which is to grouse under his breath and park on street until they leave. Maybe bitch about it later. At the outside, he might come in and politely ask your guest to move, which is straying into dick territory but still understandable. What is wrong here is that he's making his problem your problem and expecting you to do his dirty work for him...and he'll actually get angry if you don't.

Secondly, he chooses to call you selfish and sly. 'Sly' is an interesting choice of insult isn't it? It implies premeditation and manipulation that lacks moral fibre. It's quite damning. No doubt you were outraged to be accused of being sly. I think he is trying to bully you via insults and shaming. This in itself is the very definition of sly.

My worry is that it's not about the drive really. That if it wasn't this, he'd most likely be dictating over something else.

Could be wrong.

I agree with all that Pictish has said. There is only one thing I don't really understand. You know that he would prefer the drive kept clear but you will not ask guests to do this. I seems such a simple thing to ask as guests arrive. "Would you mind parking on the street, DH needs to put his car there". I can't understand why anyone would object to that.

If he returns to the house frequently, during the day, then being able to park in your ouwn drive seems a reasonable request. Does he have tools in the car that he likes to keep an eye on?

There is a tool in the car ...

I too like Clopysow's response. It's honest and unambiguous.

I don't comment often on relationships but please seriously think very carefully about putting this man down on the birth certificate.

He's not nice - nice people don't call their partners sly, nice people don't give their partner the silent treatment when they don't get their own way, nice people don't blame their partner for their own behaviour. Get out & get out fast preferably before the baby is born.

I can tell you it's nothing to do with the parking space & all about control. What if you get a car, will you be allowed to park there or is it only for the big man. I think I already know the answer.

I wouldn't park on a friend's driveway if I knew that was where they normally kept their car. I definitely wouldn't if I had been specifically asked not to.

It's much easier to ask someone who has just arrived to move their car than to be the bad guy who has to disturb them when they're sat down drinking coffee. If it happens a lot, it could feel like you don't respect his preferences.

And if my DH refused to come out to a prearranged event because we'd had a fight, I would assume he was making a point rather than avoiding further conflict. It's not that hard to go out and play nicely if here are 8 other people to talk to.