Row - didn't attend bday dinner

[Rayraybt2006]

AIBU?? So today my DP had a huge row and I decided against going to a family event tonight as I knew we weren't talking and it would put people in an uncomfortable position.

Back story, DP HATES people (family/ friends) parking in our drive - it only fits one car and he gets annoyed if he gets home and can't park there. Today friend came to collect kids I was minding and parked there. DP expects me to tell people he prefers if they don't ( which I always do) but if they don't I'm to insist they move. I said I won't and it's his job to do if as and when he gets home. This escalated into a huge row with him roaring and shouting at me that its my fault if they park there if he's out. when I tried to resolve it shortly after he continued to ignore me.
We have his dads bday dinner tonight but I want seeing ignored land knew there was a bad atmosphere I cancelled the babysitter, said I was unwell and he would attend himself. Now I'm selfish and sly and only think of myself. He's told me he's so disappointed that's he's insisting in sleeping in the spare room so he reevaluate things.
AIBU? I think I did the right thing by removing myself from the situation and not wanting t make others uncomfortable. Help?

He sounds quite unhinged! I don't like not being able to get on the drive if family or friends have parked there whilst I'm out but I wouldn't dream of saying anything to DH about it. I'd just tut to myself and find another spot.

That really isn't on OP.

Unless your friend is your nanny he is bu. . .
Grown men shouldn't throw toddler tantrums.

Ltb.

He thinks you're selfish and sly, so much so that he needs to 're-evaluate' things? I wouldn't be going anywhere ever again with someone with such a nasty attitude.

How can anyone be so mean spirited about a parking space? Is he always so territorial? Has he got no respect for your friends? Is he the king of the castle? My friends are often parked on our drive when DH gets home. He parks on the road, comes into the house, smiles and chats with them, like any normal person would.

It's a shame you're missing out on something you were looking forward to though.

Overreacting perhaps but it sounds like it keeps happening. I would not park on someone else's drive when there's only room for one car, they have a car in the household, and there is other parking nearby. Your visitors are a bit unreasonable.

Oh god. My ex partner was like this over our drive way. He used to have an absolute hissy fit. He was paying the rent not them so how dare they park in his space etc etc. Is he generally controlling? My ex once had a head fit because I put my hand in his bath water when he was in the bath. Like went crazy. There were loads of other things as well. Hated people turning up unannounced and would make me tell my friends and family not to turn up without notice. I LTB in the end!!!

Don't over think it, you did what you thought was right, at the time.
Tell your stroppy DH, to buy himself a penguin bollard, and get it installed in the driveway.

Wot cough said

A long time ago, I had a DP who was a tad like this. He insisted on using the garage and on my parking in the drive in front of the garage. Cue me having to move my car every time he arrived or left. Sigh.

And foolish me, in those days, thought the answer was to buy a bigger house together, with a double garage. Took me two more years to wake up.

This escalated into a huge row with him roaring and shouting at me

This is the problem. Parking could be decided either way, and you could both learn to be flexible. Same for the dinner. But that kind of behaviour is abusive. Do you have kids? Did you have any other childmindees there?
Full on shouting at someone is never really acceptable, but understandable if you just found out they were shagging your best mate, or OK as self defense when someone is hassling you. Behaving like that over some parking is awful. What would he do if you had a car and parked it there - hit you? Break something? Massively wrong behvaiour from him.

and I notice that it was him ignoring you, and creating the bad atmosphere. That's also really controlling behaviour from him.

I think it's very rude to park on someone's drive actually, I'd never do it. So I understand why he gets peed off.

I'm in the fence too, friends if he's been at work all day and how long his drive home is? It takes me an hour to get home and I get grumpy if there's no parking spaces in our road, if I had a driveway that I could t park in I'd be incredibly grumpy.

Also you should both be grown up enough to go for a family party/meal after a row. I'd would have made a point of saying he's grumpy so I'm sitting the other end of the table 🙅

*depends not friends

StayAChild

How can anyone be so mean spirited about a parking space?
You can't have been on MN long if you still think that, but "mean spirited" in this situation is subjective.

Is he always so territorial?

Many on here (male and female) are, myself included.

Has he got no respect for your friends?

Maybe the friends have no respect for him. Parking is a major issue.

BoneyBackJefferson But these are his DP's friends not some randoms parking willy nilly as per the usual parking thread culprits.

I think it's really really odd to get that cross about people that you know parking on your drive. I would find it incredibly rude to come over for a visit (or pick up kids from a play date, or whatever) and be told that I can't possibly park on the drive because DH is coming home soon and doesn't like parking else where. If it's good enough for his guests, it's good enough for him. (Exceptions obviously given for people with mobility or other specialist vehicles that have a particular need to be on the drive rather than just down the road for an hour or so)

Everyone will know that you didn't go to the dinner because you and DH have had a falling out, BTW - one of DH's friends has a somewhat up and down relationship with his DP, and we always know when he comes alone to a party or dinner, usually slightly late, and bearing a rather forced smile and a rubbish excuse about where DP is. I have a good relationship with my PIL so I wouldn't miss their birthday celebrations just because DH and I had had a row, but I guess the right course of action depends somewhat on how you get along with your FIL yourself.

How odd of him re the parking!

Guests come first here, everyone parks in the drive and homeowner moves back on it after. Bad manners from DH! Bit like Those odd folk who have a "chair" and insist guests don't sit there. Like sheldon cooper style.

Surely, in this case, it was better to put kids in the car on the driveway rather than make them get in on a public road (supposing that's what's outside/where your friend would have parked)?

Did he want the friend who was picking up kids to walk them down the road to the parking space instead, when he could just have waited for her to collect the kids and go?

Selfish and sly.

Something really horrible about that. Does he usually call you names like that?

I can't imagine my DH ever saying something like that to me.

Well.
People are funny, I get that.
But why does he attach so much self esteem to something so pointless?

If the house belongs to both of them, then why is it 'his' drive any more than the OP's?

Having said that, when you say there's parking 15m away - do you mean 15m (in which case he's being a complete and utter arse) or 15 minutes walk - in which case I can see why he's irritated if there is literally nowhere else to park nearby. But his reaction is way OTT

Sorry the words that stand out are:
Roaring
Shouting
Ignored
Selfish
Sly
Disasppointed
Revaluate

There is only person who should be disappointed and revaluating things and it shouldn't be him.

Thank you for your messages. I'm just taking all your comments in x

Do you realise you are teaching a DD to back down and let the man be right all the time just to stay in a relationship?

Or that you are going to teach a DS that he is always right even if he clearly isn't?

That is not an equal loving relationship.

It is one giving in to the other all the time.

Wtf is all the stress about parking?! Cannot believe there there are apparently normal people who think it's socially acceptable to even hint that a visitor to your home should not park in your drive way!!! In what world is thay normal?? Fair enough a total random parking in your space-yup rude, annoying,crosses a line. But a visitor??! Who's actually come to see you?? Visitors are an inconvenience,everyone knows that. They use the loo when you need to,they eat the last biscuit, they park on your drive. As is life!

I'd dump a guy who punished me by sulking in the spare bedroom and telling me he was reevaluating the relationship. It's emotional blackmail. FFS what a pompous arse. Get rid.