Row - didn't attend bday dinner

[Rayraybt2006]

AIBU?? So today my DP had a huge row and I decided against going to a family event tonight as I knew we weren't talking and it would put people in an uncomfortable position.

Back story, DP HATES people (family/ friends) parking in our drive - it only fits one car and he gets annoyed if he gets home and can't park there. Today friend came to collect kids I was minding and parked there. DP expects me to tell people he prefers if they don't ( which I always do) but if they don't I'm to insist they move. I said I won't and it's his job to do if as and when he gets home. This escalated into a huge row with him roaring and shouting at me that its my fault if they park there if he's out. when I tried to resolve it shortly after he continued to ignore me.
We have his dads bday dinner tonight but I want seeing ignored land knew there was a bad atmosphere I cancelled the babysitter, said I was unwell and he would attend himself. Now I'm selfish and sly and only think of myself. He's told me he's so disappointed that's he's insisting in sleeping in the spare room so he reevaluate things.
AIBU? I think I did the right thing by removing myself from the situation and not wanting t make others uncomfortable. Help?

It's a parking space - who cares that much? Honestly??

He manufactured an argument about nothing. Either something else is happening in his life that he can't cope with or he wants out.

He could park 15m away? He sounds like a lazy, nasty cunt to me.

he's just thinks it's rude that people park in ours and I get that - OMG they are VISITING YOU!!

Let him re-evaluate. You should too. He's a prick.

Whatever happened to hospitality? We always move our own cars if we expect visitors with cars so that they can use our drive. These are people who have gone to the trouble of visiting you, so being upset about where they park their car seems really odd to me.

The man clearly has anger management issues. That said, it would never occur to me to park in someone elses drive as it would irk me greatly if someone did it to me.

I think it's really really rude to ask your visitors not to park on your driveway. They are your guests, just as you would offer them a comfortable chair to sit in, and sit on a kitchen chair yourself if necessary, you offer them your driveway too.

I wouldn't park in someone else's drive when visiting unless they specifically told me this was ok. But this aside, your H sounds incredibly childish in his reaction. Sleeping in the spare room to re-evaluate his position? Seriously? That's pretty pathetic.

As far as we're concerned, there's nothing wrong with our visitors parking on/over our drive. For your DH to make an argument with you over this is just so blatantly unfair, I don't even know where to start.

Were you right not to go to dinner? Well yes, probably - you didn't do it out of spite, but because you were fearful of an atmosphere. It's awful when a couple's had an argument and are obviously bristling at each other.

It's a shame you didn't go - but it wasn't your doing. Tell him he needs to treat you with respect, to not pick stupid arguments with you, to not shout and call you names, not sulk off to the spare room over the fucking driveway.

I generally back down for the sake of peace because I value our relationship more than being right in an argument

Well, it's quite clear how highly he values it, isn't it?

LTB (and not just because of a fucking parking space)

It's an abuse tactic.

Withdrawing yourself fully from a partner for minor reasons is shitty abusive behaviour designed to coerce desired behaviour

Since he's going to his parents place, I'd be letting him know he can bloomin well do his reevaluating in their guest bed. And reminding him to park considerately.

Frankly I'd have gone along to the party, it's a bit U to punish your FIL for his son's dasterdlyness. Sometimes adulting means you stick a smile on, steer clear of your DP and help make it a pleasant evening for the person being celebrated. If DP wants to sulk, your cheeriness will only underline what a misery-guts he is (and how nice and reasonable) you are.

As to his anger issue, it'd be straight to Counselling for me. Not 'discussing counselling' or 'exploring local counselling options'. You make the appointment, give him a post-it with time and address on and let him know anyone who wants to stay in this relationship had better be in that room.

Also you should both be grown up enough to go for a family party/meal after a row. I'd would have made a point of saying he's grumpy so I'm sitting the other end of the table

Yes, because that wouldn't have caused an awkward situation in the restaurant, would it?

So your friend who had to load up her kids should have parked on the road when the driveway was standing empty in case HRH deigned to park his carriage there...really? He needs to get some perspective! I get a bit frustrated when I get home from work and start backing into my drive only to realise the childminder has shut the gate to keep the kids safe. My preference is for her to open the gates once they go inside after playing in the garden but would I rant about it when she leaves them shut....no because life is too short and I am not a Dick!

tell him to grow up its a parking space so if he doesnt like people parking in it tell him not to use the car, if its only him able to drive tell him he can deal with it. i personally still would have went out as he now knows this has bothered you.

Every time I think people can't get any more bonkers about parking a thread like this comes along....

Get a Parking Sign made for the drive.."Please Do Not Park Here or Knob-Head Husband Liable to Throw a Hissy Fit". Saves awkward conversations asking you friends to unload their kids down the road when there's a perfectly good parking space available NOT BEING USED!

Wow. We have a private access road that leads only to our drive. On Sunday, DH went to the supermarket. While he was at the supermarket, someone parked their van in front of our drive to deliver a sofa to the house next door.

DH managed to park on the street, walk the 20m down the drive, carrying the shopping, all without being a massive twat about it!

And this was a random delivery man, who had not asked permission and arguably had no right to be there, not a friend.

I have struck gold/married a normal man.

Seriously, anyone who creates a 'massive row' about you not forcing a friend off your drive is not a suitable life partner.

he can't have it both ways. Either he accepts that a visitor parking in your driveway is not a Greek tragedy and you get on with your everyday lives, or he accepts that if he turns a minor incident into a massive row, you won't feel inclined to paint on a smile and socialise

This. But also what another op said about modelling "placate the angry man" behaviour to your dc.

And I'm sorry you had your day/plans spoiled over something so stupid

Tell him to shove his King-of-the-Castle complex up his arse. I mean ffs...how very self-important and demanding of him indeed. As though it would harm or insult him in any way to park up somewhere else temporarily and move the car later.
I suppose he's just too much of a big cheese to make allowances for your visitors. Does he expect you all to stand when he enters the room as well?

I'm with you on this one...not very friendly or easy-going of him at all.

Actually, your OP says you told your friend that DP prefers people not to park in the drive and she did it anyway? That's pretty odd. Also, are you sure parking elsewhere is so easy? I don't know anyone who would park on my drive after being asked not to when there was easy parking 15 m away.

He's being a knob with the row and ignoring.

I'd have still gone for dinner. Not FIL's fault.

I wouldn't dream of parking on someone else's drive except by pre arrangement. The person whose car will be there longest- overnight- would be the obvious person to leave it clear for.

That said, I certainly wouldn't get grumpy over it. I get his embarrassment about you not going, 'showing him up' in front of his family and potentially showing that you have problems. Maybe he had been planning to pretend everything was ok while you were out, so no one would notice.

This all sounds painfully eggshelly.

The thing is parking is NOT a major issue on their road as he could have found a space 15meter away. So it's not as if he just couldn't park in his street as some PP mentioned (different situation).

Of course the OP could ask their friends and family to always park on the road JUST IN CASE they are still there when he comes back.
I still think that most people will find him weird TBH.

However this is NOT the main issue (they could BOTH have been more flexible etc etc).
The problem is that he is expecting her to do as he wants, to i pose his pov. In effect, to do as she is told.
The problem is also the ignoring, chouting, roaring etc... that carries on well after the argument and into what is a family meet up thus creating a very bad atmosphere.
And the fact he will probably say that the atmosphere is the OP fault because she didn't do as she was told....

Tbh if he had any issue about 'showing up' in front of family that they have some problems, then he shouldn't be creating an d'atmosphère and ignoring the OP in such a situation. Because then he would have been showing up.
It's not possible to ask people to do the very things you can't do yourself IMO.