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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?

559 replies

Snuffalo · 11/07/2017 15:04

Having horrible menstrual cramps, naproxen isn’t touching it, and I remember I have a hot water bottle in my desk drawer - I used it all winter in my freezing office, and a few other people, male and female, have one as well - we have a rule against personal space heaters so it can be nice to have under your desk next to your feet.

Anyway. I fill the hot water bottle, nestle it in my lap, and I’m back to work. My sort-of-supervisor* we’ll call Guy comes over to talk to me about something, notices the hot water bottle, says “there’s no way you’re cold today, are you?” I say “um, no, just for the pain relief”. He looks confused and then literally horrified and then he walks away.

Less than ten minutes later, I get a Slack message from one of the HR admins (HR is based in another office a few hours away) to say “Guy says you’re not well and should go home, everything OK?”

I say “I’m fine, this is sort of weird, he just looked a bit shocked that I had a hot water bottle, I’ve got cramps, you know how it is.”

She goes silent and then offline completely, ten more minutes later, the HR Director calls me and asks me if I can find a meeting room, which I do. She then tells me that I shouldn’t disclose my medical problems to anyone who isn’t part of HR as it can make them uncomfortable. I’m literally shocked, I explain exactly what happened, she says “yes I understand, if you’re so unwell you need a hot water bottle you should be home, Guy is extremely uncomfortable and it’s unprofessional”. I say “this is weird, ok, anything else”? She’s quite breezy and professional - “No, that’s all, if you’re feeling better that’s great but if you need to, please do go home, OK bye!"

I’m just completely flabbergasted. Especially considering that Guy has been known to take meetings with clients whilst laying flat on the floor on his back because of back problems - which seems to me both unprofessional and likely to make people uncomfortable, not that I really cared personally. I wouldn’t have had my hot water bottle in a client meeting or even if clients were in the office.

Other people have standing desks, weird foot rests, all kinds of chairs and special backrests for their back pain and wrist braces for their wrist pain and a hundred other things and I’m not allowed to have a hot water bottle for my menstrual cramps? Am I right to be completely fucking furious?

*I normally have no problem with Guy, we don’t work closely, no one else does what I do at work but he comes closest and he does my nominal (and always positive) performance reviews and signs off on my holiday.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
wictional · 12/07/2017 14:01

You're going viral on twitter OP! And for good reason. Guy was ridiculous, and he was definitely the unprofessional one. He and HR need to get a grip!

To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?
Sittinginthesun · 12/07/2017 14:10

Viral on Twitter - wonder what the DailyM will do with this thread? Grin

GoonBridge · 12/07/2017 14:12

FUCK OFF DAILY MAIL

GET SOME REAL JOURNALISTS

sonjadog · 12/07/2017 14:28

Did Guy actually understand that it was period pain? Maybe he was horrified that the OP was in pain because he is a caring person. Yes, he should have left it to her to contact HR if she needed to go home, but maybe she is the kind of person who works when they really should be at home and was concerned? I wouldn't hold it against him. HR, on the other hand, were useless.

IloveBanff · 12/07/2017 14:32

libbyliz83 "Is it possible the hot water bottle was on your knee but higher up to touch your tummy therefore covering your lady parts and guy thought it was a sex injury???"

Grin That's a hell of an imagination you've got there!

IloveBanff · 12/07/2017 14:43

sonjadog why would he have gone to HR to say he felt extremely uncomfortable then and then the director of HR told OP not to discuss medical problems and she was unprofessional? All she said was 'pain relief' for which there are other possible reasons apart from period pains, but would he have looked as OP described "confused and then literally horrified and then he walks away" if he thought it was, e.g. an exercise injury or something? It was a massive and ridiculous overreaction on both Guy's and HR's part to OP sitting quietly getting on with her work with a hot water bottle on her abdomen.

corythatwas · 12/07/2017 14:50

Are there actually some posters saying you should go home every time you are in enough pain to need some very mild pain relief???

Every person who takes an aspirin- sent home?

Every person who drinks a Lemsip- sent home?

Every person who puts some Voltarol on their sore knee- home they go?

And what about people with chronic pain- do they all get early retirement, from the day they leave school?
(thinking of my dd here, who has had chronic pain since the age of 4)

And presumably also every person who ever blows their nose at work, or sucks a cough tablet, or takes indigestion relief. This is going to come expensive for the nation.

The OP was not unable to do the job, she was not refusing any tasks, she was not rolling on the floor whimpering with pain; she was simply carrying on with her job whilst applying some mild standard pain relief of a type that is guaranteed (unlike some prescription pain killers) not to interfere with her levels of concentration.

If we think she needs different treatment from a male worker who takes a paracetamol, then we need to spell out why that is.

BlackeyedSusan · 12/07/2017 14:53

I would not hold it against guy either, from what Op said. I would give him the benefit of the doubt. HR on the other hand...

libbyliz83 · 12/07/2017 15:18

IloveBanff : That's a hell of an imagination you've got there!

Grin Wink

Jivebunny89 · 12/07/2017 15:42

This is now doing the rounds on Twitter, with 907 RTs so far.

To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?
giantpurplepeopleeater · 12/07/2017 17:04

The thing that really aticka out for mw in thia is how badly HR have dealt with all of this. They should have been clear with Guy that there was no issue. Have you taken it up with them OP?

Mrstiggywink49 · 12/07/2017 17:31

Why on earth did i burn my bra in the 70's?
What sort of upbringing did Guy have?? Boarding school? All boys school?? Why should we b made to feel ashamed of the natural functions of our bodies?

Michellelovesizzy · 12/07/2017 17:32

Op did u Evan say it was period pain or just 4 pain relief???? I would report him to HR! Cunt

jessebuni · 12/07/2017 17:41

Wow... seriously wow... Considering you didn't specifically say at any point to guy that you were on your period therefore whilst it most likely was that it could've been any other kind of tummy ache... You didn't disclose a medical problem. What would guy have done if you had just said "no" when he asked if you were cold. Therefore he would have most likely drawn the same conclusion and felt uncomfortable. Then what? By the same rights you could argue that surely that means it was wrong for him to ask why you were using a hot water bottle on your lap. Definitely wrong for you to feel picked on in the work place for having your period which is not a medical problem. I would complain to HR about it. Whole thing sounds insane.

Vickyg43 · 12/07/2017 17:45

Completely agree with @Groupie123 - complain, complain and complain to the highest level you can, until they see what twats they have been. In this day and age that is unacceptable. Guy needs to fucking grow a pair and accept that women get periods. As for your HR team.... they're a joke. If Guy is laying on the floor for back issues, should he not be at home in traction?

musketeers123 · 12/07/2017 17:59

Agree with VickyG43. UNBELIEVABLE!!! So he can take a full on meeting while on his frigging back... but OP can not even sit with a hot water bottle on her lap??? WTF ? Hilariously huge overreaction from HR which so needs complaining about - women can vote now too.... What a knob 😈😈😈

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 12/07/2017 18:00

Guy's a twat. Probably the sort of twat that will happily look at a naked vagina in porn but can't comprehend the idea of a period. Go and bleed all over his chair. Twat.

wheresmyphone · 12/07/2017 18:01

Yep. I give benefit of doubt to your colleague but your HR team is laughable and shocking in equal measures.

Peachyteach · 12/07/2017 18:01

Guy needs a slap around the face with s used tampon! What a total dick.
Your work are dicks.
I'd complain about both Guy and HR.
Neither dealt with the situation correctly and accordingly. How dare they assume you had said/ done anything wrong in the first place.
Secondly, they should be fucking grateful you didn't just take the day off due to cramps. We're not 15 and it's not a PE lesson, people just crack in with it.

My boss would laugh in my face if I called to say I couldnt work due to menstrual cramps!

youaredeluded · 12/07/2017 18:02

Reminds me of:

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 12/07/2017 18:13

Can't wait to hear the outcome.

What a load of twats. Grin

Mummymia2 · 12/07/2017 18:14

Excellent, are they going to pay you to have time off each month and not allow it to affect you negatively due to having a high sick leave?

Morons!!

cherish123 · 12/07/2017 18:17

He mentioned it. You did not bring it up. It is a bit weird that HR director spoke to you. You did not actually disclose any illnesses.

bbismad · 12/07/2017 18:19

What a dick.

Also, a sexual discrimination.

reiki73 · 12/07/2017 18:19

Fucking ludicrous and down right disgraceful. I'd suggest putting in a complaint in for an offensive incident if you haven't already thought about this. Bloody disgusting.