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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?

559 replies

Snuffalo · 11/07/2017 15:04

Having horrible menstrual cramps, naproxen isn’t touching it, and I remember I have a hot water bottle in my desk drawer - I used it all winter in my freezing office, and a few other people, male and female, have one as well - we have a rule against personal space heaters so it can be nice to have under your desk next to your feet.

Anyway. I fill the hot water bottle, nestle it in my lap, and I’m back to work. My sort-of-supervisor* we’ll call Guy comes over to talk to me about something, notices the hot water bottle, says “there’s no way you’re cold today, are you?” I say “um, no, just for the pain relief”. He looks confused and then literally horrified and then he walks away.

Less than ten minutes later, I get a Slack message from one of the HR admins (HR is based in another office a few hours away) to say “Guy says you’re not well and should go home, everything OK?”

I say “I’m fine, this is sort of weird, he just looked a bit shocked that I had a hot water bottle, I’ve got cramps, you know how it is.”

She goes silent and then offline completely, ten more minutes later, the HR Director calls me and asks me if I can find a meeting room, which I do. She then tells me that I shouldn’t disclose my medical problems to anyone who isn’t part of HR as it can make them uncomfortable. I’m literally shocked, I explain exactly what happened, she says “yes I understand, if you’re so unwell you need a hot water bottle you should be home, Guy is extremely uncomfortable and it’s unprofessional”. I say “this is weird, ok, anything else”? She’s quite breezy and professional - “No, that’s all, if you’re feeling better that’s great but if you need to, please do go home, OK bye!"

I’m just completely flabbergasted. Especially considering that Guy has been known to take meetings with clients whilst laying flat on the floor on his back because of back problems - which seems to me both unprofessional and likely to make people uncomfortable, not that I really cared personally. I wouldn’t have had my hot water bottle in a client meeting or even if clients were in the office.

Other people have standing desks, weird foot rests, all kinds of chairs and special backrests for their back pain and wrist braces for their wrist pain and a hundred other things and I’m not allowed to have a hot water bottle for my menstrual cramps? Am I right to be completely fucking furious?

*I normally have no problem with Guy, we don’t work closely, no one else does what I do at work but he comes closest and he does my nominal (and always positive) performance reviews and signs off on my holiday.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Forwardsforwards · 11/07/2017 20:56

YANBU at all. Document & report. It's the only way to get things changed.
If not for you then for someone else who wouldn't be as aware or confident.

HR Hmm......

userlotsanumbers · 11/07/2017 20:56

"Hi is that HR? Yeah, the 1950's called - they want their sickness policy back"

That is ridiculous. Get some clarification in writing, and watch the pennies start to drop.

Deadsouls · 11/07/2017 20:57

When Guy asks next time how you are when you MENSTRUATING
You could say, 'yes I'm fine, I'm just bleeding out of my vagina'
See how uncomfortable that makes him feel

Blossomdeary · 11/07/2017 20:58

How dare you have a period at work? What can you be thinking of? Disgraceful - should be sacked!

Guy needs to get a life.

Topseyt · 11/07/2017 21:00

Coddi, what a load of utter bollocks.

You can't just go crying to HR when you see a colleague in discomfort.

My DH went back to work a day or two after a vasectomy. Waddling along as if his legs were in an A frame. It was the office joke if anything, and he would have been very Hmm if anyone had been enough of an arse as to approach HR about it.

Incidentally, in his office they joke that HR means Human Remains, not Human Resources.

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 11/07/2017 21:11

I'd free bleed all over Guys chair

scaryclown · 11/07/2017 21:12

I hope this isn't a drip feed to find the hottie has an 'animal from the muppets' cover which HR are embarrassed to being up Grin

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 11/07/2017 21:15

HR handled the situation incorrect, and that needs addressing,

However i'm a woman I have periods, however no matter how uncomfortable I am, I am not going to take/use a hot water bottle into work and place it on my stomach! I personally find it unprofessional.

For future OP there is some wonderful heat pads that you can get, they can go directly on your skin or clothing, and are discrete.

To me its just asking for unwanted attention.

scaryclown · 11/07/2017 21:17

Oh god, though.. Who cares, really..

scaryclown · 11/07/2017 21:18

As the military say, any fool can be uncomfortable

JuicyCake · 11/07/2017 21:18

Empty your pen holder once per month & fill it with Tampax. Make Guy squirm.

BlackberryandNettle · 11/07/2017 21:20

Formal complaint. You have to keep your period secret even when asked about water bottle because a man feels uncomfortable? Then runs to hr? How old is he? Clearly you felt well enough to work and are an adult, able to judge wellness for yourself? Hr have sexually discriminated against you. Bet if it was for a bad back, no one would have had a problem. Maybe work guy should try one for his back?

BlackberryandNettle · 11/07/2017 21:21

What company do you work for?

IloveBanff · 11/07/2017 21:21

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag Loads of OP's colleagues use hot water bottles (first paragraph of the OP) and she wasn't asking for unwanted attention at all. Guy didn't need to do anything about it at all.

mommy101 · 11/07/2017 21:21

Flipping heck... sexism at it's best. How can a natural bodily occurrence cause someone to feel uncomfortable?!

scaryclown · 11/07/2017 21:22

But the professional soldier is always as comfortable as possible in the situation presented.

Cuckingfunt1981 · 11/07/2017 21:25

This is absolutely ridiculous and sexist if I ask me . How fucking stupid

BlackberryandNettle · 11/07/2017 21:26

Maybe they need to be flash mobbed by menstruating women

RockyBird · 11/07/2017 21:27

Are you sure you're not just overreacting because it's shark week?

TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow · 11/07/2017 21:28

What the actual FUCK!!!

A woman has been reprimanded at work for mentioning her period. This is DISCRIMINATION and illegal.

Jesus wept.....

IloveBanff · 11/07/2017 21:33

TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow She didn't even mention her period. Just 'pain relief'. Could've pulled a muscle for all he knew.

Carouselfish · 11/07/2017 21:40

Coddi I find it bizarre that if a colleague mentions they are in pain you would condone rushing to HR. Assuming your colleague is not a child or unable to communicate, wouldn't you just think an adult was capable of deciding whether they were fit to work or not? She wasn't delerious or reeling around. She was sitting discreetly with a hot water bottle. Should he have gone to HR if she'd had a bad headache? How is it his problem unless she's incapable?

topcat2014 · 11/07/2017 21:41

God, who is this!

I have always managed teams of women - and the whole of life is there..

Today, we discussed, at length, how one of my team was approaching the smear test she was having in the afternoon - including whether shaving legs was appropriate first :).

If this man can't cope with all this he should quit management now.

DJBaggySmalls · 11/07/2017 21:46

coddiwomple 'Dont ask dont tell' is completely professional. Disabled people manage pain every single day. Pain is not a reason to stop. If it gets too much people can ask for assistance.

Guy didnt react to someone in pain, he snooped, looking for a reason to pry and freak out. He has form for it.

Mmzz · 11/07/2017 21:48

Did Guy actually understand that it was period pain you were talking about? Maybe he thought you were unwell and wanted to keep himself in the clear by making it HRs decision whether to advise you to go home or not?
I read the OP as the company only realising that you were talking about having period pains when you spelled it out for HR.
I'm not sure what I think about what the HR person said to you. A bit over the top maybe??