To be upset that best friend of 12 years is ignoring me?

[nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice]

Since my best friend got married just over a year ago she's gotten more and more distant with me and I can't figure out why.

She's always been a bit crap at replying to my messages or returning my calls but last few months she takes almost a week to reply to me or doesn't bother at all. Her husband is lovely, and they absolutely adore each other so I don't think he's the reason. She is out socialising all the time with other friends nearby (I moved about 4 years ago, only 40 miles away but has never been an issue before).

I know she's trying for a baby at the moment so maybe she doesn't want to be around me because I have kids and it upsets her? I am really confused. We have always had the kind of relationship where we can tell each other if we have done something to piss each other off and move past it. But she flat out ignoring me. She's the only close friend I have so i really don't want to end such a long friendship. This has really upset me. I txt her a few days ago basically saying she's been a bit rubbish at keeping in touch lately and guess what? She's ignored me, again. Should I just leave her to it and wait for her to get in touch? Aibu to be upset by this or should I get my big girl pants on and accept she's just not worth the hassle?

I'd just leave her to it and leave the ball in her court.

It sounds like she's gradually phasing you out. I've seen this advice on here many times when people are trying to ditch a friend.

Perhaps you both see the friendship differently?

I'd ask her outright. If she is, let her go. If she denies it, tell her how shitty she's making you feel and you need her to make more of an effort if she wants to keep the friendship

Perhaps we do view our friendship in a different way. She's busy working a full time job and I'm stuck at home with 2 kids. Our lives have gone in different directions. I'm probably super boring to her now!

I confronted her and said do you have a problem with me and she's totally ignored me. (Been active on fb all night) so there's my answer. 12 bloody years and this is how little she cares. How sad. At least I have closure now

If she doesn't reply then don't contact her again. I'd be very curious to know what her problem is though but leave her to it. Sad but you'll find another good friend.

Sounds like she's ghosting you. If.you really want to get to the bottom of it you could ask her husband?

Or actually ring and speak?

Harder to dodge than a text.

After I confronted her and she ignored me she then accepted a fb BBQ I invited her to a few days ago. Wtf is she doing?! She's not invited now!!

Why not pick up the phone and call her rather than messaging?

How are you going to uninvite her to the barbeque?

I'd go ahead and have her come. If she does turn up at least you can see her in person and get a feel for what is going on. Body language and facial expressions are not available with texts. I suspect she's got distracted with her husband and friends who live closer than you do. Not nice, but if you want to maintain the friendship, maybe set a regular date for getting together and doing something e.g. The last Saturday of the month you go to lunch at X pub mid-way between your homes.

Did she definitely see your message? Sometimes I look at fb but don't look at my messages.

She definitely saw my message. I confronted her via message, she was on fb like 2 hours continuously so I know she saw it, then she randomly accepted a BBQ invite (only picked that date cos that's when she said she might be free). Didn't accept when I first sent it to her, only after. 2 hours of no reply to my txt (on fb whole time) so said good luck to you take care in a txt and 30 mins later after ignoring 2nd message and unfriending her and n fb she accepts she's going to the BBQ. What's she playing at?!!!

She's not a friend anymore. This is not how you treat someone you care about. It's time to move on.

Drop this friendship. She's in the process of doing that now. Keep your pride and move on from her.

She sent me a message this morning (after ignoring all other correspondence) to say she can't tolerate me anymore because I called her a shit friend. Yeh ok, dodge the actual reason you are a shit friend and dump this on me. Argh. What motivates someone to become so heartless?

Maybe she said you're a shit friend because she feels like you've made it all about you & how you feel: you haven't mentioned if you've called her to ask her if everything is okay with her, maybe she's withdrawing for reasons you aren't aware of because you haven't asked her.

Oops, sorry - misread who called who a shit friend, but the rest of my post might be relevant?

She could have been busy and you gave her a couple of hours to respond?

I would phase out too, why didn't you call her? I don't text people really, if you want to speak to me you can pick your phone up and call. Or you can come and see me. This is the whole reason I hate social media etc, you shouldn't be able to see that she has been online for two hours! I hate this sort of monitoring of other people.

Sounds like she wants to end it and has taken chance to blame you for it

People who drop friends like this are bastards.

You sound as if you're being quite confrontational about it all, though. The texts you say you sent say that she's been a bit shit at keeping in touch, and did she have a problem with you.

If she is phasing you out, there's not much you can do, unfortunately you can't force her to tell you why. It sucks, but that's life.

You are not boring because you are at home with 2 kids, but you need to chill and find some interest instead of coming so strong on your friends. Some people forget about you when you are not down the road. They don't mean it badly, they will be friends again when you move back, but they cannot cope with distance. I find it strange, but quite common.

Your posts make you sound like you are 12 and hardwork!

Are you really monitoring the time people spend on FB, getting angry because someone doesn't reply to an event invitation immediately, unfriend her on FB after sending her the invitation... seriously? I couldn't bother with you either after all the drama. I am not even sure if she is still invited, if you have told her you cancelled her invitation, or just thought about it. Really, chill!

OP is being forced to be confrontational and dramatic by being ghosted.

Sick of the victim blaming of OPs here.

I don't know, I'm torn because a friend recently told another friend that she was being a bit of a shit friend, when in reality the second friends life circumstances have changed recently and she is just getting on with her life. The first friend just couldn't see that and took it personally. Now that she's accused the second friend of being a bit shit, the second friend has backed right off from her as she can see how selfish the first friend can be.

I couldn't stand people checking up on my Facebook activity to know if I'm available to respond or not.

Sometimes I just don't want to respond to a message for a while.

I'd rather people call me for a chat.

If I'm on Facebook late at night it's usually to read mind numbing stuff to help me sleep and not get into conversation

She's constantly glued to her phone. So it's very obvious when she's ignoring me. Im not one to chase her up generally as I think oh she prob saw my messages and forgot about it. But if she has sent me a message saying she felt like I was ignoring her, I would go out of my way to tell her she's being stupid about the whole thing and make up, as would she have done up until this point.