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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL has booked holiday abroad on my due date - AIBU to be upset?

67 replies

Buttons2121 · 10/07/2017 13:19

So I only just found out yesterday that my MIL has booked a holiday abroad for two weeks, which is over my due date (I am currently 27 weeks). My DH and I don't live near MIL or DH family (about 300 miles away), but we are close and I love my MIL. I was quite surprised to hear she has booked to go away when I am due (she leaves 5 days before I am due and then is away for 2 weeks) so its likely she will miss birth. I wasn't necessarily expecting her to come up for the birth, but at least to visit very soon after, or at least be available to call; but she'll be on a different timezone. She has said she will come up about 4 weeks after birth as this is the only time she can now get off work, even though she is off work on and around due date, but has decided to go on holiday instead...I can't help but think it would have been nice if she had used that time to come and visit her new grandchild. AIBU to be upset by this? She never would have done this with her own daughters, so I am upset she has done this with her son and DIL, considering how close we are.

OP posts:
toolonglurking · 10/07/2017 13:22

YABU
My own mother was abroad from two weeks before my due date for an eight week trip. She doesn't love me or DD any less, she just has a life of her own.

PNGirl · 10/07/2017 13:24

Is this your first baby and her third or fourth grandchild? I don't think YABU exactly but neither is she really. She may be wanting to give you some space and or want a break from work herself. That said my ILs are 200 miles away and would be around if needed to support their son.

roundtable · 10/07/2017 13:24

She's probably been reading Mumsnet and is giving you space after the birth.

Troels · 10/07/2017 13:25

YABU My own mother met Ds1 at 10 weeks and Ds2 at 9 weeks. I really doesn't matter. She still loved them both, she sent presents in the post and we chatted by phone.

Original poster
Buttons2121 · 10/07/2017 13:26

Yes this is DH and I's first baby.

OP posts:
SwimmingInLemonade · 10/07/2017 13:26

Might she be thinking that she'll give you a few weeks to adjust to your new baby before she turns up for a visit? (If she lives 300 miles away I presume she would be staying with you.) She's probably thinking "Once my grandchild comes I'll be wanting to see him / her whenever I have the time off work, so I'll take the opportunity for one last foreign holiday..."

Firenight · 10/07/2017 13:26

My mother booked a holiday a month before SIL's due date because she wanted to keep the birth date window clear. Baby came early. Oh how we laughed.

2014newme · 10/07/2017 13:26

Yabu
Why does she need to be in the UK when you give birth? 😂😂 don't be silly!

3luckystars · 10/07/2017 13:27

I would be absolutely delighted. (My mil is lovely too)

missiondecision · 10/07/2017 13:27

Yabu. Have you read the number of threads from mums who bemoan the eager arrival of relatives soon after childbirth? Count your blessings.
Yanbu to feel they don't seem very excited to meet their new grandchild. Only you know which is relevant to you.

Okite · 10/07/2017 13:27

My DM was away for 2 weeks over my due date, they got back about 10 days after the due date. And they were back in plenty of time, baby was nearly 3 weeks late! Don't worry about it, maybe she'll be away, maybe she won't be.

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2017 13:27

do you not have much support op? Is that why you need her to be available to you? Is she aware of this? Maybe you're asking more than she can give. Won't make any difference to the child if she visits immediately or at four weeks.

I also think it's very different to support a daughter through child birth etc than a daughter in law.

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 10/07/2017 13:27

This is what all people need to learn about weddings, buying in houses and babies:

None of it is as important to other people as it is to you.

ElspethFlashman · 10/07/2017 13:27

YABU. She's not needed. Your due date is only a suggested date anyway. I went 2 weeks over with my first. She may as well visit when the child is actually here and you've recovered a bit, especially as it's a 600 mile round trip!

ReinettePompadour · 10/07/2017 13:28

I think YABU.
I'm assuming its your first child ? I completely get why you may feel a little put out that you were not considered when she booked her holiday however, once you have your baby you will be sick and tired of all the visitors who seem to hang around forever and wont leave you to have some quiet bonding time with your child.

Babies tend to sleep a lot in the first few weeks, your MIL is well aware of how tiring it can be initially and that babies are boring.

By the time she gets to meet her grandchild it may well be smiling and certainly more awake for her to see it than being a newborn.

Enjoy the fact you have time on your own with your baby.

Crunchymum · 10/07/2017 13:29

God, I feel sorry for the in-laws.

They can't win?

You MIL is probably being respectful of the fact you may not want a whole gang of visitors in those early days.

You can send pictures right?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/07/2017 13:30

Many mum'snetters would be seeing this as a good thing! At least you're guaranteed you won't get a visit hours, minutes after the birth (or camping out in the ward until you do!)

Maybe she's just giving you the space and time for you and DH (and little one) to become your own little family.

I'd see it as a positive thing. She's said she's coming down to see you - from quite a distance. So it's not that she doesn't care.

Take care and try not to stress

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 10/07/2017 13:30

YABU

When I first read the thread title I thought you must mean she wanted you to go with her!

midnightmisssuki · 10/07/2017 13:31

Grin she has her own life - I'm going to guess this is your first child? You have massive PFB syndrome I'm afraid. She has already said she will come visit you after - what's the issue? It's your child not hers, she's probably thinking of giving you space after you've had your baby etc and thinks she's doing you a favour - some MILs just cant win can they - damned if they do and damned if they don't Grin - good luck with the birth OP.

AvoidingCallenetics · 10/07/2017 13:32

I think yab a bit u. She was with sil because sil is her daughter. You aren't and she probably assumes you will want your own mum. I guess if your dh wanted her to be around, he wouldn't be u to be a bit upset.
The important thing is that she treats all her grand children the same in future years.

ChicRock · 10/07/2017 13:34

She's probably been reading Mumsnet where MIL's should be god damn grateful if they're given an allocated date and time for a 10 minute visit within the first 8 weeks of baby's life.

Original poster
Buttons2121 · 10/07/2017 13:38

Thanks for all the comments. I think I am quite emotional Shock and that is why I was feeling so upset. I know that she doesn't love me/DH/new grandchild any less, I suppose I just thought DH would have also liked to have his mum around. Suppose you are right and I actually should enjoy the piece and quiet Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Buttons2121 · 10/07/2017 13:38

*peace and quiet Confused

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/07/2017 13:39

You weren't expecting her at the birth but you expected her to be sitting at home waiting for a call?Confused
She has this time off work. She can do what she chooses with it.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 10/07/2017 13:42

I'm on the fence and I can see both points of view. I understand why you'd want to know she's near but actually, she doesn't live near anyway. Plus, due dates are so...flexible. You can have a baby at any time. That said, I can't imagine booking a holiday if I knew I was getting a new grandchildren; whether it be my first or tenth.