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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling offended!!

95 replies

ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 12:54

Ok this is just something I need to write as it is really playing on my mind.
I'm currently pregnant with my third DC and at a family dinner at my mums house yesterday we were discussing baby names. When I happily mentioned what I was planning to name this baby if it turns out to be a girl everyone was saying how lovely a name it was but then my Nan turns to me and says "people will laugh at her with a name like that."
The rest of the family told her that they thought it was a nice name but I feel really upset and offended by this. (Maybe I'm just hormonal and overthinking)
But AIBU to think if you don't like someone's chosen baby name you should keep you're mouth shut?
It's been really playing on my mind because I feel she's picking at the tiniest things about my pregnancy, my sister is also pregnant and she doesn't do this to her, in fact she seems to favour my sister over me. Had my sister mentioned what names she has chosen my Nan probably would have said how lovely they were or something.
Sorry, just kind of needed a rant I guess, need to get it off my chest, even if no one replies.

OP posts:

RortyCrankle · 30/07/2017 14:48

Tell her you've changed your mind. I was watching Say Yes To The Dress a few days ago and a bride arrived to try on dresses with a four word name - can't remember it all but started with Queen Precious. That should get your Nan puffing

KERALA1 · 30/07/2017 14:52

My friends granny's last ever words before she died were "why the hell did you call her that?" About my friends pfb. Doesn't help that the names from that generation are now back in fashion so may have links for that generation that aren't necessarily good.

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2017 14:54

I don't want to post the name, posters on here will think it's silly and it's not
You do realise that "posters on here" are actual people in the real world? If there's a real possibility that other people will think it's a silly name, it probably is you insisting it isn't counts for nothing, I'm afraid.

beebee7 · 30/07/2017 14:55

Agree that the ageism is unpleasant. One person said 'who cares what a 70 year old thinks?' Wtf?

Maybe we should have a law that on everyone's 70th birthday, they are all shot at dawn.

I know some lovely people of 70, 80, and 90, and some utter twats who are 30 or 40! I refuse to believe that someone is a lovely kind nice person all their life, and then turns into a bigoted racist curmudgeon when they hit 70!

I'm going to shock some posters here, but my mum and her husband and friends are in their 70s and guess what, they're not racist or rude AND they voted against Brexit.

Bit of a generalisation there @DonaldStott . Just coz someone didn't vote for Brexit, that doesn't mean they're not a rude person or a bigot, just like it doesn't mean they are a rude person or a bigot if they did vote for Brexit.

DonaldStott · 30/07/2017 15:01

I know beebee. Apologies. Was not making a generalisation. It's just that 'old people' were accused of all voting for brexit and fucking up a country here on MN. I was using it to make a point. Albeit not in a very good way, so I do apologise for that.

Just pisses me off that older people are just lumped into this group of people who are all racist bigots because of their age. It's fucking bollocks.

StarryCorpulentCunt · 30/07/2017 15:01

Ah go on post it. Love baby name threads.

beebee7 · 30/07/2017 15:05

Ha ha, that's OK @DonaldStott.

beebee7 · 30/07/2017 15:06

And I agree with much of what you said on that last post up there ^^

pigsDOfly · 30/07/2017 15:07

Donald, I know what you mean. Like your mum and dad I also didn't vote for Brexit and it really pisses me off when young people claim that all older people voted to leave the EU. Well, no they didn't actually. Some did some didn't. Same as with other voters.

EllieMentry · 30/07/2017 15:25

Yep, the ageism on here is appalling. It's good that MN have posted but not good that the ageist posts have been allowed to stand.

Your nan sounds rude and unkind, and I'm sorry you have to put up with that. However, it has nothing to do with her age.

kaitlinktm · 30/07/2017 15:31

Nans are crazy - they are old and crazy - and they say what they want. The rules of being polite and careful do not apply to nans

FFS

Ellie56 · 30/07/2017 15:32

Agreed far too much ageism on here. So once you reach 70 you are not allowed an opinion? What makes your opinion better just because you are younger?

pigsDOfly
Well said.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 30/07/2017 15:39

I don't think being 70 or whatever gives anyone the right to say something rude. I don't believe in the whole 'Well, different generation/older person' makes it ok to be rude nor is it ok for others to excuse it for that reason unless dementia is present. It sounds like the nan is just rude and not overly keen on her dgd. As she says, the nan told her sister she was the favourite gc.

CoughLaughFart · 30/07/2017 15:56

I don't think being 70 or whatever gives anyone the right to say something rude.

The people complaining about ageism would do well to read these words. It's equally ageist to dismiss as honesty what you'd call out as rudeness in someone 30 years younger.

x2boys · 30/07/2017 16:02

Trethew Op said her nan was in her 70,s my mum and Dad are mid s
70,s their generation did not choose names like Enid, Percy etc more like Rachel,Sarah Mark, Andrew ...

EllieMentry · 30/07/2017 16:08

@CoughLaughFart - I don't think most people who are complaining about ageism would dismiss what this woman is saying as honesty. I certainly wouldn't. She was very rude. Her age is irrelevant.

pigsDOfly · 30/07/2017 17:36

Just a thought. Do the posters on here with their ageist remarks realise that one day they will be old. Will they then accept that younger people are right to dismiss them in the horrible way they dismiss the older population?

I somehow doubt it. I suspect it's more likely they'll be on somewhere like MN complaining about how useless the younger generation is and tearing holes in their DIL/SIL.

Rude and bigoted in your younger years = rude and bigoted in you later years. Most people don't change their personality once they hit 70 and suddenly turn nasty.

rhianspruce · 30/07/2017 17:43

My Nan said the exact same thing about my eldest daughters name when I was pregnant. She also went as far to say she thought I was being cruel and that the other children at school would laugh at her. I was in floods of tears but kept the name because my husband was dead set on it. My Nan now likes it!

GruffaloPants · 30/07/2017 17:44

She doesn't sound very nice. Keep your concern for people who have your interests at heart.

Age isn't an excuse. My mum, mil and aunt are all in their 70s and wouldn't behave like this, not would they deserve the horrible ageist attitudes of some posters here.

Spangles1963 · 30/07/2017 17:51

Apparently,my DD's mother-in-law was somewhat rude about the girl's name that she and her DH had chosen. Said she would be made fun of. Now,10 years later,she loves the name and can't imagine DGD being called anything else.

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