Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Feeling offended!!

95 replies

ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 12:54

Ok this is just something I need to write as it is really playing on my mind.
I'm currently pregnant with my third DC and at a family dinner at my mums house yesterday we were discussing baby names. When I happily mentioned what I was planning to name this baby if it turns out to be a girl everyone was saying how lovely a name it was but then my Nan turns to me and says "people will laugh at her with a name like that."
The rest of the family told her that they thought it was a nice name but I feel really upset and offended by this. (Maybe I'm just hormonal and overthinking)
But AIBU to think if you don't like someone's chosen baby name you should keep you're mouth shut?
It's been really playing on my mind because I feel she's picking at the tiniest things about my pregnancy, my sister is also pregnant and she doesn't do this to her, in fact she seems to favour my sister over me. Had my sister mentioned what names she has chosen my Nan probably would have said how lovely they were or something.
Sorry, just kind of needed a rant I guess, need to get it off my chest, even if no one replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 13:51

Nope, no reason for people laughing at the name at all. She just thought it was horrible and had to make a comment.
To be honest if she'd have just said "I don't really like that, or not too keen on that" I couldn't have accepted that because yes everyone is entitled to their opinion but I personally thought her comment of people laughing at it when she's older was a bit mean and not necessary. I could tell she was thinking of something to say to offend me. She was really snappy with me yesterday anyway for no reason, just little petty things.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 13:53

@Justhadmyhaircut very true.
I agree with everyone else in here too who said about keeping names secret until baby is born. I did with my other two and no one criticised them.
Once you get used to a name, whether you like it or not you can't imagine them being called anything else

OP posts:
SheSaidHeSaid · 10/07/2017 13:53

This is exactly why I won't be telling anyone our chosen name.

My DH and I wound up his mother yesterday about what we (pretended) we would name our baby if it was a boy. It was a perfectly normal name but just not something we would choose for our baby and we told her with a straight face. Her face however was anything but straight and just proved to us why we will be keeping our thoughts to ourselves.

Lelly0503 · 10/07/2017 13:54

My nan is the same, she hates our boy choice name. I love it so I don't care. She keeps suggesting other name ideas, like swapping our middle name for the first name. I said if we wanted that name we would bloody have it!! It's not particularly out there it's actually an old fashioned name. Ive told anyone who's asked me what names we will have because I like them so much I don't care what anyone else says but in hindsight I wish I'd just said we don't know yet. Just because when the baby is here people won't make any comment on the name but for some reason think they can say anything about it now! Xx

Lelly0503 · 10/07/2017 13:55

I was also told that the boy name we have said it sounds like the sort of child who will wet themselves at school !! I just have to laugh now lol

Redesul · 10/07/2017 13:56

I know how you feel, it probably isn't about the name. My entire family were like this to me. I learnt to not take any notice, but in my case we were not particularly close in the first place, and now we don't speak.

VulvalHeadMistress · 10/07/2017 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livefornaps · 10/07/2017 13:58

She sounds like a horrible old crone.

And your sister is a stirrer, passing on your nan's comment!

MargaretTwatyer · 10/07/2017 13:59

I hate to say it. But people do just tell you it's a lovely name when it's hideous and sometimes you do need that one person to be honest.

If a granddaughter of mine was going to call their child Florabelle or Desiderata or Muffreda I would feel duty bound to tell them they would be saddling my great grandchild with a millstone even if nobody else would.

Original poster
ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 14:00

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

If you don't like a baby's name, you don't have to even say anything, nothing to do with anyone else.
Was simply the comment she made that got to me, I mean no one wants their child to be bullied/laughed at at school. Makes me wonder, was my Nan the kind of person who'd laugh at someone because of their name back in the day?

OP posts:
Redesul · 10/07/2017 14:06

or maybe she was picked on because of her name? Whatever it is, at the end of the day kids will find anything to use as an excuse to pick on someone. I used to get picked on for not having a middle name

EdmundCleverClogs · 10/07/2017 14:13

I used to get picked on for not having a middle name

What a strange reason! I was picked on for not having straight hair, even though I had an unusual name just ripe for bullying. Kids are odd little bastards when it comes to being nasty!

No need to call the grandmother an 'old crone' though - she gave an unwanted opinion, really no need to be so horrible about the woman.

liquidrevolution · 10/07/2017 14:16

I also got picked on for not having a middle name. Kids are weird.

OP your nan sounds like she isnt as fond of you as you are of her. Start ignoring her opinions. They matter not.

StaplesCorner · 10/07/2017 14:17

Best solution don't listen to Nan, she sounds like a selfish cow. That's how some nan's get sadly, or maybe they were like that all along and hitting 70 means they let it out!

My MiL was 72 when our first DD was born and she kept saying all this crap about how she couldn't say it "oh I can't say her name I can't get used to it, poor little thing how will she cope at school" etc. Yep, all standard behaviour for nasty Nans.

LemonBreeland · 10/07/2017 14:18

My Gran was like this. She didn't say anything to people's faces, but would slag baby names off to the rest of the family. Most of my cousins are younger than me, so I heard a lot if it. None of them have crazy unusual names, she just didn't like anything. One of y DC is Sam, and she had to, in her words 'get used to it'. There is no pleasing some people.

Ropsleybunny · 10/07/2017 14:22

If we'd had a girl we were going to call her Charlotte Grace. We made the mistake of telling my parents and my dad said you can't call her Charlotte as everyone will call her potty lotty.

As it turned out we had a boy and we hadn't a name ready.

The moral to the story is, keep quiet.

Original poster
ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 14:26

Each to their own I guess. She has always been quite opinionated my dads side of the family always have been and some just aren't very nice people so I don't speak to my auntie and uncle on that side (but that's a whole different story in itself)
She really used to favour my cousin who's a couple of years younger than me when we were growing up. Massively!
My mums side of the family though, completely different, my grandma is probably one of the loveliest ladies ever and she treated everyone the same and loved us all equally. She'd never have a bad word to say about anyone

OP posts:
nocampinghere · 10/07/2017 14:32

you really shouldn't worry what a 70 year old woman thinks!
it's hardly like she's up to date etc etc...

reuset · 10/07/2017 14:41

Can you tell us the name, OP? Is it so unusual as to out you?

Hmm at the casual ageism of some here though. And old crone, old cow etc

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/07/2017 14:42

But AIBU to think if you don't like someone's chosen baby name you should keep you're mouth shut?

Nope. YABU there. You were obviously sharing the name to garner opinions, and you have to accept that some people will not like your choice.

PearlyPinkNails · 10/07/2017 14:45

Is it KV111lyn?

RideOn · 10/07/2017 14:47

I think she just gave her opinion, you didnt want her opinion. You just wanted everyone to think the same as you or say that it was a nice name, whatever they thought.
Also she could have said it as a gut reaction, to protect you/baby as she genuinely thinks the name will expose you to ridicule. A lot has changed in the lifetime of a 70 yr old and maybe being out of the country hasnt helped her keep up.

If baby is not born yet it may seem that this is provisional, I think this is why people announce after the baby is born.

GlitterSparkles17 · 10/07/2017 14:47

My mother in law has made a comment about what were planning on naming our son....She has no filter and doesn't care if she offends someone, she's right & everyone else is wrong Hmm.... something like this would have bothered me a few years ago but im just so used to her negativity now I just let it go over my head.

As long as you and your partner love the name then that's all that matters, nobody will be able to imagine her being called anything else.

Original poster
ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 14:54

We do love the name and as much as her comment bugged me it hasn't put me off. Might not even be a girl anyway might be a boy. I did make a joke about hoping for a girl now just to call her that and bug my Nan lol.

OP posts:
Rayna37 · 10/07/2017 14:57

You may be overthinking this. I've discovered many people in their 70's (my parents, friends parents, lots of them first time grandparents or without grandchildren) have no idea which names are currently popular and don't know large numbers of small children. They've probably never met an Isla, Ava or Noah and might be horrified to realise names which had all but disappeared like Florence, Alfie and Ruby are now very popular. If you suggested something like this they might think it was a crazy way out choice and not realise it was actually something where there'd be one in every year group. Also the popular culture phrases and connotations move on, a name that might have screamed something to everyone of their generation due to a well known film, rhyme, song etc might mean nothing to later ones.

Of course she could just be being a cow.

Swipe left for the next trending thread