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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Feeling offended!!

95 replies

ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 12:54

Ok this is just something I need to write as it is really playing on my mind.
I'm currently pregnant with my third DC and at a family dinner at my mums house yesterday we were discussing baby names. When I happily mentioned what I was planning to name this baby if it turns out to be a girl everyone was saying how lovely a name it was but then my Nan turns to me and says "people will laugh at her with a name like that."
The rest of the family told her that they thought it was a nice name but I feel really upset and offended by this. (Maybe I'm just hormonal and overthinking)
But AIBU to think if you don't like someone's chosen baby name you should keep you're mouth shut?
It's been really playing on my mind because I feel she's picking at the tiniest things about my pregnancy, my sister is also pregnant and she doesn't do this to her, in fact she seems to favour my sister over me. Had my sister mentioned what names she has chosen my Nan probably would have said how lovely they were or something.
Sorry, just kind of needed a rant I guess, need to get it off my chest, even if no one replies.

OP posts:
ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 15:05

No, personally I think there's more to it. Providing the fact that she was snapping at me for any little reason yesterday I think she was just being a cow. E.g. My mum offered everyone a cup of tea yesterday and my sister, SIL and myself said yes to one. Nan turned round to ME and said to get off my lazy arse and make my own! I did say to her "well my Diane and Emily (not their real names) want one aswell do they have to make their own?" She didn't day anything back

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 10/07/2017 15:06

Drip drip drip.

This is quite clearly more than about the name.

ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 15:07

@WhatToDoAboutThis2017 yes it is. Sorry it's turned into a drip feed. Should have stated everything even if the Op turned out really long

OP posts:
SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 10/07/2017 15:08

Well nocampinghere I'll be 70 soon, and hopefully I'm not still living in the Victorian era... Good grief, it is possible to be 'up to date' (whatever that means in your mind) simply by living in the present and being interested in what's happening around you.
People can be polite or rude at any age - as has been shown by the casual ageism on this thread... Shock

ShizeItsWeegie · 10/07/2017 15:08

Hi OP, is the name an actual name IYSWIM? We have had a massive rift in the family over a childs name. Both parents have lead pretty sheltered lives and have named their DC with two words (ie not actual names). There are connotations to one of the words and the 'names' together make the parents sound like a pair of hippy reactionary loons (this is my unvoiced opinion I hasten to add - I'm not going there!) members of the family have been more outspoken than me and it has caused massive trouble. The poor DC may well have the piss ripped forever though and I personally think it was worth family members having a punt at getting the parents to see what we all see as it's so unkind to lumber a kid with a name like it. Really dodgy ground though when neither parent has ever really lived in the real world and eggshells are walked on already.

ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 15:11

@ShizeItsWeegie it is an actual name. It's nothing silly honestly. I don't want to say the name right now on here but trust me when I say it's not a stupid obscure name

OP posts:
midnightmisssuki · 10/07/2017 15:49

my mum doesn't like my sons name either and decided to call him by his name - she's stopped now after my husband started calling her bybher middle name Grin - your gran is probably just being old fashioned and believes everyone should be called Rose or Elizabeth (I love those names btw!)

reuset · 10/07/2017 16:09

Oops, drip feed there.

ExclusiveSecret · 10/07/2017 16:15

@reuset yeh sorry about the drip feeding. As I said to another poster on here, should have just explained everything. Didn't expect it to escalate into more 🙈

OP posts:
KimmySchmidt1 · 10/07/2017 16:20

Nans are crazy - they are old and crazy - and they say what they want. The rules of being polite and careful do not apply to nans.

Maybe she did think it was a stupid name - get over it, she is elderly and times move on.

Stop obsessing and feeling offended all the time.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 10/07/2017 16:44

She sounds like a horrible old crone

Don't be a tit.

OP, are you really comfortable with complete strangers calling your grandmother things like "horrible old crone" just because she had an opinion? If you are, you're worse than her. She said it to your face at least!

Crunchymum · 10/07/2017 16:50

Post in baby names and see what people think? I may be way over invested in what this name is

MsHopey · 10/07/2017 17:07

Agree. I'm waiting to hear the name.

My husband and myself had names chosen for both a boy and a girl, we told everyone names at 12 weeks before we knew the gender of little one. Almost everyone hates both names we've chosen, hasn't put me off or bothered me in the slightest. The only people who need to agree on the names are mom and dad.

IonaMumsnet · 29/07/2017 10:52

Morning folks. Just popping by with a reminder that we aren't keen on casual ageism on Mumsnet. We can see people are just trying to be supportive of the OP, but if you could avoid making generalisations about older people at the same time it would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Crunchymum · 29/07/2017 10:55

Bit of a delay there MNHQ Shock

Agreed though.

reuset · 29/07/2017 10:58

I'm glad to hear that, MNHQ. Too much of it on here at the moment

Ropsleybunny · 30/07/2017 14:01

Not to mention casual MILism. The calling your MIL a cunt thread is particularly bad IMHO.

ConstanceCraving · 30/07/2017 14:14

Christ almighty the ageist shit on this thread is appalling.

Your Nan is allowed her opinion. Maybe the others are just being polite OP? Without revealing the name is hard to tell whether it's a "perfectly normal name" or not.

beebee7 · 30/07/2017 14:23

Your nan sounds very rude OP. Has she always been this rude and obnoxious? My husband has a cousin like this; horribly opinionated and rude, and thinks she has a right to make comments about peoples weight, their home, their job or career, their car, the way they raise their kids, their garden etc etc. Yet God forbid you say anything to her. Hmm

I am a wee bit puzzled as to why people think you should never discuss names of your baby with people before baby is born though. I mean, when you name your baby when it's born, people will still bitch about it if they don't like it, so you will just be offended then! At least telling people before gets it out of the way.

Also, it does give an opportunity for people to voice opinions on the name, and if too many people recoil in horror, it gives you time to rethink it. Not to change it because people say so, but just to make sure you are 100% sure about the name!

I mean, a neighbour of mine wanted to call her daughter Beyonce! (I am not kidding!) She got so many people saying 'omg no! (Friends, family, neighbours, siblings, the works,) that in the end she decided on Sophia! 5 years later, she said she is genuinely glad she decided against Beyonce.

pigsDOfly · 30/07/2017 14:27

I'm also almost 70 Seamstress and am astounded at some of the nasty ageist remarks on here.

The pp who suggested that the grandmother's generation would probably have given their children names such as Percy or Ruby, and whatever else she/he suggested seems to think that anyone of our generation must have been having their children before the first war.

I had my DCs in the 80s and there isn't a Percy among them. Actually, thinking about it, you're probably more likely to find a little boy being called Percy, nowadays given that all the old names are coming back into fashion and I know a couple of little girls called Ruby.

Well look at me being all up to date, amazing really, considering how old and out of touch I must be, not to mention being an old crone and probably an old cow just by virtue of my age.

ConstanceCraving · 30/07/2017 14:30

Quite baffled to why the ageist posts are still standing too.

AccrualIntentions · 30/07/2017 14:30

I don't get why you told people if you didn't want feedback. People can be rude, but equally there's no point them pretending they love it if they think it's awful. Not worth worrying about.

MartinJD · 30/07/2017 14:33

I think you granny was just telling you what she thought and being honest with you. Sounds like you have issues.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 30/07/2017 14:38

Is it a silly name though? The number of kids getting named khalesi danerys and the like because of shows like game of thrones is ridiculous. If its a classic name like charlotte or jessica fair enough but if its something "unique" with a difficult pronounciation or spelling she may just be saying what most are thinking but are too scared to say. Some of the names girls i went to school with have given their kids make me shudder, and half of them i imagine will be really embarrassed as the teen years hit to have really cutesy kiddy type names that dont suit a grown up or sound even renotely professional.

DonaldStott · 30/07/2017 14:40

The ageism is shocking on here. Your nan just sounds like a rude person in general. I'm sure her attitude would have been just as bad when she was 50.

I'm going to shock some posters here, but my mum and her husband and friends are in their 70s and guess what, they're not racist or rude AND they voted against Brexit. They do not think they have a right to say whatever the fuck they want because they're older.

Anyone who uses age as an excuse to be rude is just a rude person regardless of age!!!

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