Long back story, please be patient!
I am divorced, with two children, aged 14 and 11. Youngest starts high school in September.
I was a stay at home mum once my eldest was born, (worked full-time up until then) up until ex husband left me 4 years ago when I have been working part time since. I have worked in a few jobs in the last four years, have tried to work around the kids as much as possible, for around 16-21 hours a week.
I am currently working part time and also doing some online training with the view that I can get a better paid job after the summer.
I have been very lucky to have met and fallen in love with a wonderful man, also divorced. He is amazing in many ways, kind, good with my children, great fun and gorgeous. He asked me to marry him earlier this year and I was delighted. We plan for him to move into my house around November / December this year, and will get married at some point next year.
Now..the question of finances has come up and DP had assumed that when my youngest starts high school that I would then get a full time job to maximise my financial contributions to the 'pot'. I don't want to.
My ex is a high earner and I get a considerable amount of maintenance from him, in line with CSA guidelines. On top of this I had envisaged working part time, 3 days a week. My total contribution to the 'pot' would be a not insignificant £2000+ per month, net. On top of this I own the house that myself and new DP would be living in. There is a mortgage on the property, but not excessive.
DP came away from his divorce with nothing other than he kept his pension - all equity went to the ex wife. He has saved a sum of money and could in theory use that as a deposit and buy his own house (and so put off us living together for a number of years) but his mortgage would be huge - likely double what mine is. On top of that we would have two sets of bills etc between us. I have done the maths, produced spreadsheets and we would BOTH be considerably better off financially living together in my house with me working 3 days a week as I planned to. Plus we could afford to make overpayments on the mortgage with a view that we could pay it off much earlier.
I manage comfortably right now on what I get from my ex and my earnings. I can pay my mortgage, car, bills, kids clothes / clubs and still have money over for a modest holiday once or twice a year. I am not well off but want for nothing.
My children are getting older BUT they are still kids. They bicker a lot at times. My eldest has a serious medical condition which she manages brilliantly for the most part, but I have often had to leave work to do an emergency dash to her school to drop off supplies etc that she has forgotten. Or to pick her up if she is having a shit day with it. She is 14 and makes mistakes, like any kid.
Their Dad is great, but works in a demanding job and is often away travelling. I have no family to help with childcare, ex's family live abroad. My friends all work part time and are in the same boat. In short, I do all the day to day childcare / running around / taking to and from clubs/ looking after when they are poorly etc. If I worked full time I would have to leave both children alone for many days at a time in the school holidays (their high school is a state school but has longer days and therefore longer holidays - summer holidays are 8 weeks long!)
My new partner was badly burned by his ex-wife who spent lots and earned nothing, and then again by his divorce which saw him having to start all over again financially. From his perspective he doesn't want history to repeat itself - he earns a very good salary and would like me to maximise my earnings. But we could have a very nice, comfortable life with my working 3 days a week. I see this as a good compromise, with the view that of course I will increase my working hours as the kids get older and can be left for longer.
As an aside - it goes without saying that if I HAD to work full time to bolster the family coffers then I would - if something happened to him or his work. I just don't get that I should just for the sake of having more disposable income when we would already have a great standard of living (in my opinion). I'm not particularly materialistic. New partner is more so.
AIBU and lazy cow?