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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to completely cut off this "friend"

80 replies

DarkAngel1984 · 10/07/2017 09:00

A bit of background.

I used to be really close to this friend, we've known each other for years even to the point that we used to house share together for a few years.

She is also very close to my sister.

We were at a social gathering organised by me a few months ago and she was supposed to turn up with her hubby and dc. It had been organised for months and was a special occasion. She turns up with her dc and no husband. I ask her why he hadn't turned up she said that something came up that he couldn't get out of. I then have this conversation with my sister and she tells me that it's not the case the reason he didn't turn up was cause he doesn't like my dh as they have nothing in common.

Not sure why that should be an issue as there were plenty of people there and as we were hosting so we were not spending too much time talking to 1 person for too long, also with the dc's running around we had our hands full.

So I confront my friend at a later date about her lying about it and she completely denies that she said imthat to my sister. ( my sister has no reason to lie about it and would never do that)

Since then we have had very little contact. The last time we spoke was a good few months ago on my birthday and literally it was a few strained messages.

Now her dc's birthday is coming up next week and I have already sent a pressie and a card to them via my sister. Would I BU to cut all contact with her if I don't get a thank you message for the gift?

The only reason I haven't completely cut her off already is that it will put my sister in a hard place if she invites her to anything social and we will both be attending.

Thank you for reading

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 10/07/2017 09:02

Sorry??? You are considering cutting a friend of longstanding off because her husband doesn't get on with your husband?

Are you still a teenager who sends your best friend to Coventry because she doesn't like your boyfriend?

If there's no more to it than this, YABU.

treaclesoda · 10/07/2017 09:04

Of course she denied saying it, because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. No one wants to tell a friend that their dh doesn't like your DH.

elizabethdraper · 10/07/2017 09:05

Wow, total over reaction

ellenripleysbiceps · 10/07/2017 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

treaclesoda · 10/07/2017 09:06

And tbh if you're invited somewhere and you don't like the host, it's pretty hypocritical to attend, so in that respect I don't think he did anything wrong although it would have been better if they had said from the start that she and the children would attend but he wouldn't be coming.

Changedtocovermyass · 10/07/2017 09:08

You sound like hard work. Some people just don't get on. Perhaps you need to let her spend time with genuine friends who are interested in her and not just getting the numbers up.

rollonthesummer · 10/07/2017 09:08

Your sister is really stirring here!

AlternativeTentacle · 10/07/2017 09:08

What about just stop inviting her to stuff and if you see her say hello?

Newuser836382 · 10/07/2017 09:09

The AIBU iS if she doesn't get a thank you for the gift that she had given the dc after a bit of a strained relationship

kissmethere · 10/07/2017 09:10

You're over reacting. She can't control how her husband feels about yours and she's hardly going to say at your party is she?!

Newuser836382 · 10/07/2017 09:10

I think it would be plain rude if she did not say thank you

Ladyformation · 10/07/2017 09:11

She told a diplomatic lie in an awkward situation. I don't think she's done anything wrong here

ghostyslovesheets · 10/07/2017 09:11

you can't value her too much if you react this way over something so petty so I would let her go for her sake!

Lweji · 10/07/2017 09:12

Did you expect her to tell you that her husband didn't want to go because he doesn't like your husband? Really?
She, perhaps, said one of those lies that oil our social interactions and keeps the peace.
Your sister was unwise to tell you about it, and you were worse to call her out on it.

frieda909 · 10/07/2017 09:12

I agree with ellen above, I'm really not sure why you're so upset with her.

I used to have a very difficult partner who disliked a lot of my friends, and I got put in this position a lot. He would refuse to come to things and I'd have to think up excuses for him not being there without hurting people's feelings. It wasn't fun. But if someone had gone around telling people 'Frieda is lying, Mr Frieda didn't have to work, he just doesn't like you' then I'd be absolutely furious!

Why would your sister do that? Sounds a bit like shit-stirring to me.

TheHumanRace · 10/07/2017 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaveMeBarry · 10/07/2017 09:14

She hasn't done anything wrong and why the hell would your sister tell you that?? Talk about shit stirring . You seem awfully determined to be offended and fall out with your friend, do you generally enjoy drama?

MineKraftCheese · 10/07/2017 09:16

You're being very precious about the idea that you were "lied to". People lie all the time to save hurt feelings. There was no malice in her actions.

Your sister and her shit-stirring, however ...

Nikephorus · 10/07/2017 09:16

Why did your sister feel the need to say anything to you? She's the one at fault - she could easily have changed the subject if she didn't want to lie to you about what she'd presumably been told in confidence. Is she jealous of your friendship and want the friend for herself?

Lweji · 10/07/2017 09:18

Also, you're already assuming you won't get a thank you message.
Too much drama.
Find yourself something more interesting to think about.

pictish · 10/07/2017 09:25

Yabu - you 'confronted' her about her 'lies' did you? Fucking hell.

Who says, "Sorry...Martin isn't here because he doesn't like your husband."? No one. Ever.

It was a polite, socially acceptable lie about something that your friend isn't responsible for, didn't want to tell the truth about for obvious reasons and shouldn't be confronted over. Jesus.

Calm yourself down to a frenzy.

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2017 09:29

You confronted her about lying??? Who does that, it's clear she was being diplomatic and trying to save your feelings. And now you want to cut her out completely.

Honestly, what's wrong with you?

MissBax · 10/07/2017 09:33

Just going to echo the same as other PP. You invited her somewhere, she came. You're actually angry that her fella didn't show? She cant control him!

snowdancer · 10/07/2017 09:34

Her DH doesn't like your DH. It happens.

Maybe she made an excuse to be diplomatic. Maybe her DH pulls this stunt a lot? Perhaps she lied because she doesn't want to fall out or she fears confrontation.
She came to the event with her children, so she did make the effort for you.

At least it's out in the open, you know what the deal is - now decide how you can continue your friendship with her.

ChasedByBees · 10/07/2017 09:35

Agree with everyone else. I think you owe her a massive apology for 'confronting' her. What would that achieve apart from making her upset and uncomfortable? She came to your event. She's the one you supposedly care (or cared) about so what is the problem?

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