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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to completely cut off this "friend"

80 replies

DarkAngel1984 · 10/07/2017 09:00

A bit of background.

I used to be really close to this friend, we've known each other for years even to the point that we used to house share together for a few years.

She is also very close to my sister.

We were at a social gathering organised by me a few months ago and she was supposed to turn up with her hubby and dc. It had been organised for months and was a special occasion. She turns up with her dc and no husband. I ask her why he hadn't turned up she said that something came up that he couldn't get out of. I then have this conversation with my sister and she tells me that it's not the case the reason he didn't turn up was cause he doesn't like my dh as they have nothing in common.

Not sure why that should be an issue as there were plenty of people there and as we were hosting so we were not spending too much time talking to 1 person for too long, also with the dc's running around we had our hands full.

So I confront my friend at a later date about her lying about it and she completely denies that she said imthat to my sister. ( my sister has no reason to lie about it and would never do that)

Since then we have had very little contact. The last time we spoke was a good few months ago on my birthday and literally it was a few strained messages.

Now her dc's birthday is coming up next week and I have already sent a pressie and a card to them via my sister. Would I BU to cut all contact with her if I don't get a thank you message for the gift?

The only reason I haven't completely cut her off already is that it will put my sister in a hard place if she invites her to anything social and we will both be attending.

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 10/07/2017 11:19

Do you want a friendship with this person is the question. If you don't, then the decision doesn't have to he based upon whether you get a thank you card or not. Sounds like a total misunderstanding/miscommunication to me.
Maybe the friendship has run its course?

allowlsthinkalot · 10/07/2017 11:31

You're over reacting massively.

Your sister is a shit stirrer.

Your friend has done nothing wrong.

HTH.

Would you really expect her to say "Dh isn't coming because he thinks your dh is an utter nob"?

WillRikersExtraNipple · 10/07/2017 11:35

I think your friend should cut you and your sister off, as you are both pieces of work.

HipsterHunter · 10/07/2017 11:37

She can;t control that her husband is a bit U about not being able to suck up and attend a party where he dosn't like the host.

BUT she still came didn't she! And she wasn't rude to you, why the fuck did you 'confront her for lying'?

I think you have been a bit arsy about the whole thing.

HipsterHunter · 10/07/2017 11:37

Also, yeah, total fucking shit starer of a sister.

With friends like you and your sister who needs enemies!

WillRikersExtraNipple · 10/07/2017 11:43

And why was he expected to come anyway? It's an invite, not a summons, he doesn't have to attend your shindig if he doesn't want to.

MadamePomfrey · 10/07/2017 11:46

Your sister may have had no reason to lie she also has no reason to say anything to you! Friend tried to spare your feelings and got an earful! I wouldn't have been in touch much either!

SamoyedSam · 10/07/2017 11:49

OP, according to advance search, you only have this one friend (can't think why!) and you've already stopped speaking to her over this incident. So not sure why you're asking us especially if you're then going to leg it when we reply.

Msqueen33 · 10/07/2017 11:55

Erm you sound a bit crazy. She showed up and was trying to give her dh a socially acceptable excuse and your sister has landed her right in it. Not cool!

WillRikersExtraNipple · 10/07/2017 11:57

Who were all the other guests at your social gathering if you don't have any friends?

milliemoon · 10/07/2017 12:01

Please don't cut your friend out completely. I have been on the receiving end of this by my 'best' friend just recently ( I wrote a post about it) and it nearly broke me

MaryMcCarthy · 10/07/2017 12:16

If you're considering cutting all contact because her husband doesn't get on with yours then she probably wasn't a great friend to start with.

She's done nothing wrong. Where is the loyalty? Where's the communication?

Friendships these days seem so very fickle, it's no wonder so many people end up feeling so lonely!

WillRikersExtraNipple · 10/07/2017 12:17

OP has already cut her off, they no longer speak at all. No idea what the point of asking is, it's already done.

NellieFiveBellies · 10/07/2017 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desertmum · 10/07/2017 12:21

I have a friend whose husband is a complete tosser, we invite him to stuff because he is my dear friend's husband - he can come or not. My husband wouldn't accept an invitation to a night out just the four of us but would accept an invitation to a large group event as he knows he won't have to spend too much if any time with him.

Are you sure your sister is teling the truth?

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2017 12:28

For the record, I also think you owe her a massive apology. She was clearly your friend, and irrelevant of husbands feelings still came to your party. She then told a white lie to save your feelings and the social graces,possibly as she thought her husband was an arse.

You've really treated her appallingly.

SamoyedSam · 10/07/2017 12:29

Grin Excellent work @DETECTIVEWillRiker Grin

2014newme · 10/07/2017 12:29

Why on earth did you "confront" her?
Attention seeking behaviour much?

SamoyedSam · 10/07/2017 12:29

@WillRiker I meant for Who were all the other guests at your social gathering if you don't have any friends?

Nikephorus · 10/07/2017 12:32

A £ says the sister won't hand the present over just so the friend will think OP has forgotten and so that OP totally gets the hump with friend not saying thank you Grin

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2017 12:33

You're also sitting wondering what else you can do to hurt her over something that's not even happened yet. It's really unpleasant behaviour. It's like you're itchhig for her not to say thanks so you can do it.

It's really not normal.

MaryMcCarthy · 10/07/2017 12:36

Yeah the "I'll cut her off if she doesn't send a thank you card" is so cold and calculated. You clearly want to do it anyway, so go ahead. Don't come on here looking for validation.

chowmeinchick · 10/07/2017 12:55

Fucking hell what an overreaction 😂

Copperspot · 10/07/2017 13:03

She did nothing wrong. She told a white lie so she didnt hurt anyones feeling

Your sister is a shit stirrer

You are overdramatic

Do her a favour and cut her off she's better off out of it.

Tenner bets this all gets played out on facebook with 'though i knew who my friends were' memes and lota of 'inbox you hun'.....

Magicpaintbrush · 10/07/2017 13:03

OP, your reaction to your friend has been really juvenile, a total playground mentality. She cannot physically force her DH to attend something that he doesn't want to attend - she still made the effort to come along herself didn't she! And of course she didn't mention that her DH doesn't like your DH, she was probably trying to spare your feelings and not be rude - that is completely obvious and why you can't see that is beyond me.

She is better off without you if you are willing to drop her over something so pathetic. You have made an issue here for no good reason. And you're just waiting for her to not say thank you for birthday gifts so you have an excuse to dump her (and she hasn't even done anything yet!!) Grow up.